


Mess Is Mine

by TheThirdGreywaren (ShelbyDraven)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Drama, Eventual Relationships, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:22:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5811787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShelbyDraven/pseuds/TheThirdGreywaren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a tragedy chases Kaidan Alenko to the rainy city of Citadel, he finds that the Normandy Cafe and a rather eccentric barista contains a mystery that grows bigger, and grows dangerous, the more he digs into it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Confession Time: I have never finished a long fic. And this one will be LONG. But I already have the first two chapters finished, and I plan an almost regular schedule of updating at least twice a month, so bear with me.
> 
> P.S.: Tags will be adjusted accordingly as the story continues because right now my brain has the wheel and it is pretty unpredictable.
> 
> P.P.S.: Comments and kudos are my very best friend and my very best inspiration.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan arrives at the Citadel.

Kaidan Alenko did not like the rain.

Naturally, when he boarded a random train with nothing but a worn suitcase stuffed with his limited belongings, simply desperate to escape the toxicity of the town he grew up in, he didn’t check the weather report of…

… whatever this place was. Kaidan still didn’t know, but he knew it was west of his hometown, and it was very far away. He had checked his watch endlessly during the trip, watching the scenery rush by and the tiny hands of his wristwatch steadily tick on. Time felt suspended on the train, and anxiety gripped his stomach as he watched people leave and board at the different stations.

Multiple times he had mentally scolded himself for acting like a runaway teenager when he was going to be thirty-one in two short months. He was a legal adult; there was no need to keep looking over his shoulder like he expected someone to ask if he was that missing man from that one obscure sleepy town hundred of miles away. Or maybe he was expecting his mother to push her way through the crowd of people, to demand why he left without so much as a goodbye and drag him back home by the ear.

Despite the lovely mental images of his tiny mother putting him in his place, he was still apprehensive as he watched the world pass by his window. Raindrops streaked down the glass like tears, and the lull of melancholy blanketed the train car. Soft shuffles and hushed noises of people lost in their own thoughts were the only sound besides the gentle rumble of the train against the tracks, and Kaidan enjoyed the calm atmosphere as long as he could. It felt as though the single passenger car was separated from the rest of the world. Like Kaidan and the other thirty or so passengers were traveling far outside the grasp of time, when nothing else matter besides the sound of wind rushing past the train.

The calm shattered when the train stopped for the final time, and everyone, including Kaidan, got up to shuffle out of the sleepy train car and into the station. Most people carried umbrellas, having the foresight to expect the rainy forecast. Kaidan only had the hood on his sweatshirt, and he tugged it over his head, sheltering his face from the worse of the drops.

The platform cleared quickly, people aiming for the brightly-lit station just a short flight of stairs away. The station name, Citadel Station, glowed white on the distant building. Kaidan was left standing alone on the concrete, clutching his suitcase while rain battered at him. Now that he was finally somewhere, he wasn’t sure what to do. He knew he had to find a hotel, eat something, begin his search for a job before his funds dried up. It had seemed much clearer on the train ride when he wasn’t suddenly stuck in the moment to actually take action.

It had all felt like a dream before now, with the cold rain stinging his exposed fingers and the loneliness wrapping itself around him like a blanket. He was hundred of miles away from his home; the city of Citadel was by the coast, in the valley of a pair of towering mountains. It was not a stone’s throw from Kaidan’s previous home, but still, something pressed against his heart. It was still too close to Rahna, too close to where Vyrnnus...

Then again, maybe Kaidan could never outrun those old ghosts.

“Get moving, Alenko,” Kaidan said under his breath, starting to trudge towards the train station. There, he could take advantage of the wi-fi, use his laptop to secure a taxi ride to whatever hotel that was cheap enough not to bankrupt him, but not cheap enough to give him bedbugs or anything.

However, as he climbed the steps towards the station, watching the swarms of people race in and out of the doors, he hesitated. He wasn’t in the mood to dive into such a busy environment; the thought of brushing past countless bodies and listening to the roaring buzz of so many people in one place made his temple throb with an oncoming migraine.

He idly rubbed his temple with gentle fingers, scanning the surrounding buildings for a safe haven to collect himself. It was unusually quiet for a Thursday afternoon, even though he was in a city, but he supposed the rain kept people lazy in their respective homes, instead of adventuring by the Citadel train station.

There weren't many places to go in the area either, apparently. A few department stores were located across the Citadel Station’s plaza, as well as an Italian restaurant, a pizza place…

… And a coffee shop. The words  _ Normandy Cafe _ beamed at him, the script looped and illuminated by the pair of lights under the sign. The angle cast the upper part of the sign in shadows, and only when Kaidan squinted could he be sure that the name was  _ Normandy _ , not  _ Norrranoy _ .

Although he could sense an oncoming migraine forming behind his eyes, he decided that a coffee would be perfect in this situation. From across the plaza, the  _ Normandy  _ looked cozy and inviting, with dim lights and what appeared to be sofas. A sofa sounded almost heavenly right now when Kaidan's back ached from the stiff train seat.

Newly motivated, Kaidan strode across the plaza, his suitcase clicking over the brick path, towards the cafe that glowed like a beacon in the dark.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this significantly longer chapter (sorry, I got carried away!), Kaidan finally meets Shepard, and a few other.... interesting employees and regulars at the Normandy Cafe.

The  _ Normandy Cafe _ looked nearly empty when Kaidan approached, and he hesitated when he grew closer. It looked like only employees were inside; a man with a dark blue collared shirt wiped down one of the various dirty tables. A woman in a similar shirt was sprawled on one of the couches, talking to someone behind the counter that Kaidan couldn’t see from here - a shelf of  _ Normandy Cafe _ merchandise was in the way.

From his position just a few meters away, Kaidan could just make out the hours posted on the glass door. According to the black and bolded letters, the  _ Normandy  _ was open until four-thirty on Thursdays. Kaidan knew it was only a quarter past twelve, yet he still impulsively checked his watch.

Or tried to. His wrist was bare, and he fleetingly remembered ripping it off in a fit of anger when it kept beeping. It had been a reminder for him to take his meds, and he had certainly suffered for his rash decision later, when the first hour of the train ride was spent nursing a throbbing migraine.

An especially large rain droplet stealthily slipped past the rim of his hood and collided with the tip of his nose. The unexpected cold water started Kaidan from his dark musing, and finally prompted him to reach the  _ Normandy’s  _ door.

The metal handle was soaking wet and cold when his fingers gripped it, and when he pulled the door open he was greeted with a blast of warm air and poorly muffled laughter coming from the counter area.

“Shepard, that pronunciation isn’t profoundly funny.” An emotionless feminine voice drifted past the merchandise shelf, and Kaidan curiously stepped towards it, choosing to leave his suitcase by the door after ensuring that it wouldn’t be an obstacle to anyone else who tried to enter or leave the building. He’d rather not leave more puddles of water around this near-quiet sanctuary, nor draw any special attention to his foreign presence.

“No, EDI, it totally is,” A man replied. He sounded young, but around Kaidan’s age. His voice was a pleasant surprise; it spread warm fire through Kaidan’s veins, pooling in his belly. There was an optimistic twist to the syllables; it was also laced with laughter.

“ _ Norrranoy _ is not-” the mechanical voice began, but it was interrupted by a bout of laughter from the man with that beautiful voice and another man that sounded even younger.

“Don’t encourage them, EDI, they-”

Kaidan rounded the shelf’s corner, finally being able to see what the fuss was about, and everyone fell silent.

Well, almost everyone.

The owner of that voice was still laughing, this time muffling the sound in the sleeve of his hoodie. Although Kaidan couldn’t get a clear look at his face, he had the feeling that he was as attractive as his voice suggested. He also had the sneaking suspicion that the man’s dark red hair was always in that disheveled state, like he rolled out of bed and didn’t own a comb or hairbrush.

“Shit, Shep, take a breath!” A voice called from across the room. Kaidan hid the surprised tense of his muscles carefully; he had forgotten about the woman on the couch. Now, her head peered over the edge of the couch’s back, suspicion coloring her features. Kaidan was surprised to see tattoos covering her arms and one wrapping around her shaved head. She appeared to have the matching outfit as the employees behind the counter - one of whom happened to be named Shepard, apparently.

“Yes, ma’am,” Shepard gasped, and Kaidan turned back just in time to see Shepard unbury his face, a wide grin lighting up his features. Features which just so happened to be… pleasing to look at.

Suddenly struck by nervousness, Kaidan cleared his throat, if only to break the suddenly tense silence.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything-” Kaidan began, but Shepard waved the sentence away before it could be completed. Before Kaidan could further prove himself to be a socially awkward fool.

“Nah, don’t worry about it! Was there something you wanted? Drink? Food? Directions?” Shepard seemed extremely animated when he spoke; he shifted his weight often, gestured with his hands and moved his head back and forth, like he was bobbing his head along to music only he could hear.

“Hey, Commander, no respect for your regulars anymore?”

The interruption startled Kaidan, and although he didn’t physically show it, Shepard had a knowing look in his eyes, which he gave Kaidan before addressing the speaker.

His eyes never left Kaidan’s face, even though Kaidan had looked away almost immediately after they made eye contact, his heart stuttering in his chest. He tried to distract himself by scrutinizing the room’s other occupants.

Occupants who had strangely seemed to disappear when Shepard had spoken, had lain his dark espresso eyes on Kaidan with the entirety of his attention.

“Joker, you already placed your order! It’s the sugary peppermint dark mocha hot chocolate…. the same one you get every winter.”

Joker was the younger man that had been laughing with Shepard, Kaidan realized.

“You know what they say about assuming, Shep.” Joker shook his head, the disappointment etched across his face only soiled by the delighted look in his eyes and exaggerated downward tilt of his lips.

“Yeah yeah, I’d make an ass out of you and me,” Shepard rolled his eyes and gave Kaidan a mockingly frustrated look, and Kaidan couldn’t resist a quick upwards quirk of his lips in response, which immediately made Shepard grin.

Sensing Shepard’s newfound distraction from their banter, Joker let out a long, suffering sigh and held up his hands in surrender. “Fine, be employee of the month and impress the newbie, I’ll just be over there with my creaky little legs and a lack of delicious hot choc-”

Shepard was still staring at Kaidan, his smile turning softer, but the tense moment was broken when something tall elbowed past Shepard at the front counter and placed down a lidded styrofoam cup with a significant amount of force.

Something being an alien, obviously, but Kaidan never saw one like this before. It had the armored flesh of a turian or krogan, but the elongated head of a salarian and two sets of golden eyes with startlingly figure-eight shaped pupils.

It glared at Kaidan with narrowed eyes, and spoke with a Jamaican accent, of all things, when it turned to Joker with the same disapproving gaze. “Your beverage is right here, Moreau.”

“Javik,” Shepard groaned. Kaidan couldn’t quite seem him over the towering figure of the foreign alien known as Javik, but he could imagine  the grimace on Shepard’s face. The way his forehead wrinkled, his nose scrunched, the tilt of his mouth.

That revelation was more alarming than the discovery of a new species; Kaidan barely had a proper conversation with Shepard, but he already felt ease rippling across his body like slowly sliding into a warm bath. Familiarity wrapped around his beating heart, and Kaidan was only a little concerned to realize that Shepard’s presence caused him so much comfort because it made him feel at home.

“What can I get you to drink?”

Kaidan blinked away his thoughts, and found that Shepard had shouldered his way in front of Javik once more, appearing unaffected by the pair of eyes burning into the back of his head. Shepard was even smiling, patient and politely ignoring the wandering thoughts that loved to drag Kaidan along for the ride.

Kaidan noticed how Shepard’s eyes kept moving lower than what maintaining eye contact allowed, combing over his lips, chest, and eventually his shoes, each time darting back towards his eyes almost nervously.

Then Kaidan realized he had no clue what this cafe actually served. He broke eye contact with Shepard to scan the colorful boards above the front counter, relieved to find a simpler coffee option amidst all the longer, complex choices - such as a frappucino, what the hell could that be? - and finally settled on something that could erase the remaining aches from his migraine.

“A medium iced coffee with two sugars and milk?” Kaidan said. The tail end of the statement turned more inquisitive when he met Shepard’s intense gaze once more, and it made his heart stumble over itself.

God, he couldn’t even order a coffee without acting like a love-struck fool. He had just fled from Rahna, too; it hadn’t been a day since their sudden - but a long time coming - separation.

“No problem,” Shepard said cheerfully. It made Kaidan wonder if he was always this damn excited to make a drink for a rain-soaked stranger that stared either at him, or into space. He had the creeping feeling of doubt when a blurred form rushed past him, vaulted itself over the counter, and snatched the coffee cup Shepard was writing on.

“I can handle this one, Shepper.” The employee with the shaved head had a grin that screamed of malicious intent, and Shepard frowned deeply. Kaidan blinked and it was gone, but he could have sworn he saw a flash of panic in those dark eyes.

“Jack, I can handle a simple coffee,” Shepard argued. Kaidan easily caught the anxiety rising underneath his stern statement, and felt himself frown as well.

The woman, Jack, danced out of Shepard’s reach, concentrating on something Shepard wrote on the cup.

Kaidan had initially thought it was simply his order, even if it was a cakewalk compared to Joker’s apparently preferred drink, but by the cackle that erupted from Jack’s throat, it was something more.

“Really, Shepard?”

Kaidan watched in stunned silence as Shepard, blushing furiously and frowning just as intently, snatched the cup from his grip and hurriedly made Kaidan his drink, suddenly avoiding eye contact.

Something sunk in Kaidan’s stomach.  _ What could be on that cup? _

Shepard continued his avoidance act, but rang him up with a shy voice, and was careful to avoid brushing fingers with Kaidan when he took his drink.

“Have a good day,” Shepard said softly, and Kaidan’s reply got caught in his throat when Shepard raised his eyes to meet Kaidan’s with a vulnerable gentleness.

“You too,” Kaidan blurted, barely avoiding a stutter. He paid and took several steps towards the front door before he even considered checking to see what Shepard wrote on his cup.

As he passed the threshold and into the soft pattering rain, he found writing in delicate, confident letters: 

_ Hi, will you reject me if I try and pick you up? _

It took a few more steps into the rainy afternoon before Kaidan’s euphoria-clouded mind remembered that he left his luggage in the cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always here to talk on tumblr at theshelbydraven.tumblr.com!
> 
> Remember that thing about kudos and comments! Seeing the kudos and reading the comments make my entire week!
> 
> Next scheduled update: Wednesday, February 3rd, 4:00 pm EST.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this surprsingly early update, Kaidan's path crosses with Shepard and some... complications arise.
> 
> A surprisingly early (and LONG) chapter since I am stuck at class with nothing to do. I hope you enjoy it, since it's mostly edited... and the next update is a little later since I have a busy week ahead D: Sorry!

 

“Alenko?”

Kaidan, too absorbed in his files, didn’t even realize someone had been trying to get his attention for the past five minutes until they reached out and tapped his shoulder in two rapid, short successions. It was enough to startle him out of his concentrated reverie.

Enough, in fact, that he practically leaped out of his seat, his elbow jerking at just the right angle to knock into his abandoned cup of coffee and topple it over the side of his desk.

Kaidan gave the fallen mug a forlorn look before raising his gaze to meet the guilty party. Ashley Williams even had the decency to look sheepish about the entire incident, which Kaidan knew was rare, even though he had only met her two days ago.

“Sorry, Alenko. Good thing I was going to drag you to go on a coffee run anyway, right?” Ashley always spoke in a rush, like she had to get every word out before the person she was speaking to would tune her out. Luckily, she had an articulate edge to her tone, and Kaidan could pick up every rapid syllable before it shot past him.

“Coffee run?” Kaidan frowned. He had been working at the Citadel Police Department for about a week now; dumb luck had apparently hooked its claws into him, which earned him a decently clean hotel room for such a cheap price, as well as a job, in just three days since his arrival. Ashley had replaced him as the new guy, but even if Kaidan didn’t have such a conscientious outlook on his work, he was still new enough to the force to recognize that he still had the duty to do some actual work, or risk losing his new job. Or get a slap on the wrists.

Either way, that wasn’t a good impression for a boss like Captain Anderson; a good guy, but one that wouldn’t let his employees dick around on a coffee run when there was work to be done.

Which was something Kaidan tried to - unsuccessfully - tell his coworker.

“C’mon, Alenko, we can pick up the Captain some coffee and he won’t be able to complain,” Ashley insisted, going as far as to pout down at him.

Kaidan wasn’t entirely familiar with kids - he got along with them well enough, though, and Rahna and he had planned for kids in their early marriage - but he easily recognized that stubborn twist of her mouth.

Kaidan shot his stack of half-finished paperwork a lingering look of regret then allowed himself to be pulled up by a very enthusiastic Ashley.

In the very least, she stopped tugging him along long enough for him to scoop up his fallen mug and place it back on his desk.

The heavy clink of ceramic hitting oak wood barely registered in Kaidan’s senses before he was being pulled toward the door, far away from his responsibilities.

And naturally, things were only going to go south from there.

* * *

 

Kaidan had tried to make it a habit to visit the  _ Normandy Cafe _ . Tried being the keyword, of course. It wasn’t easy to suddenly uproot yourself from your hometown and connections to only plant yourself into an unfamiliar city, where the only person you considered a friend was the terrible flirt of the barista you encountered in the first few moments of arrival to said city.

As for the said barista, Kaidan had only seen Shepard once more since that first time a week ago, even though he had visited the  _ Normandy  _ three times since then. Trying to visit on alternate days hadn’t worked; if Shepard did have days off, they were based on a schedule Kaidan didn’t know.

Which was perhaps for the best. Stalking the handsome barista wasn’t really a good impression.

The only bright side to his failed attempts to bump into Shepard again was that he got more familiar with the rest of the staff, and a few of the regulars. They weren’t exactly friends, Kaidan didn’t think so at least, but he figured he was just enough acquainted with them that they could do a small good samaritan type thing, like helping him with a flat tire, with little problem, if any at all.

Well, maybe not Jack; the woman didn’t do much unless she was ordered to by the staff manager of that day, and had a recurring ritual to cackle at him before making his drink order just a little off (usually not enough sugar - the bitter taste would then haunt his tongue for the rest of the day - or the alternative of too much sugar - which would be the equivalent of eating a cup of sugar and adding a gulp of normal cream coffee).

Then again, based on the few unpleasant interactions he had with Javik, the alien wasn’t the type of person to drive over to help a human. Especially not one that laughed when Jack made a joke about aliens and gave Javik the biggest shit-eating grin Kaidan had ever seen - and as a cop, he had seen his fair share.

At least he still had Shepard and Jacob, then. Although, speaking of Shepard, they hadn’t gotten very far. Kaidan had gone back to retrieve his abandoned luggage, which was both fortunately and unfortunately stashed where the merchandise rack sheltered the counter from view. He hadn’t lingered very long after that - in fact, he spilled some coffee on himself in his hurried retreat, a blush still haunting his cheeks - but he caught the sound of what appeared to be Jack and Joker’s boisterous laughter. No doubt at Shepard’s expense, a theory only reinforced when the man himself had been suspiciously absent from work the few times Kaidan returned.

Then again, maybe today could be his lucky day. There was only one way to find out, though.

“Ever heard of the  _ Normandy Cafe _ , Williams?” 

* * *

 

Ashley had absolutely insisted on driving her own car to the  _ Normandy _ , despite it being just two blocks away. Which Kaidan couldn’t fully argue against, considering public transport was his most reliable friend as of late.

Still, he shared his skeptical thoughts when Ashley’s car began to make a high pitched grinding sound the second it started up - which was after the fifth or so time Ashley tried to make the engine turn over.

Her only response was “Buckle up, LT!” over the angry roar of her engine as she pulled out of her parking spot and began driving down the main street… in the opposite direction of the  _ Normandy _ .

After a few directions, then a correct guide by Kaidan, they thankfully parked in the lot behind the  _ Normandy _ , alive and safe.

“You look like you’re dead, LT! Not used to driving in the old girl?” Ashley fondly tapped her car hood with her knuckles, the metal groaning softly in response as the engine settled.

Kaidan shook his head in bewilderment, unconsciously running a hand through his hair to make sure that it was all still there; he had quickly picked up the terrible habit of gently tugging at his dark strands in anxiety, and the entire torturous ten minutes drive in Ashley’s death machine of a car was a formula for endless anxiety.

“I’m going to walk back to the station,” Kaidan replied gravely. Ashley only grinned and followed him into the  _ Normandy _ , a burst of energy in her footfalls. He’d only known this woman for a few days, but she was already like the pesky little sister he never asked for.

If she noticed the sudden tenseness before he grabbed the door handle and opened the door for her, she had the good grace not to say anything about it. He was grateful to follow into the cozy atmosphere behind her, because she didn’t notice how he hesitated a second when he caught sight of a familiar unruly red haired man bent over one of the tables, laughing with a particularly female patron… who grabbed Shepard’s arm and squeezed it gently. Fondly.

Something dropped in Kaidan’s stomach.

“Kaidan, nice to see you, man!” Kaidan recognized Jacob in an instant, and despite the fear gnawing on his stomach, he managed a genuine smile. A smile made a little easier when Shepard looked up at Kaidan’s name, surprise and utter relief etched into his features.

“Hey, Jacob.” Kaidan returned the handshake Jacob gave him, his eyes momentarily breaking eye contact to flicker over Jacob’s shoulder and catch a glimpse of Shepard making his way over to them. The woman he was speaking to twisted around in her chair and Kaidan felt his heart lodged in his throat at the familiar face.

It was Miranda Lawson, his co-worker, and of course, she would be familiar enough with Shepard to ease the tension lining the younger man’s shoulders. She knew a lot of people in a lot of ways; the thing was, Kaidan wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the particular type of affinity she shared with the barista Kaidan had a crush on.

“Kaidan!” Shepard had finally made his way over to the three of them, his beaming face making Kaidan grin back like a fool. Again, something so difficult for Kaidan as of late with his sudden move and separation from Rahna, but just a moment with Shepard made his heart soar higher than Kaidan ever thought possible.

“J-Cubed has been telling me that you’ve stopped by a couple of times, sorry I wasn’t here.” Shepard’s beam matured into a more gentle smile, polite and hints of hopefulness around the corners of his mouth.

“J-Cubed?” Kaidan questioned, laughter laced into the syllables. The conversation was just so  _ familiar _ , even if Kaidan’s heart was jittery with nervousness. It felt good just to talk and not expect the worst to come out of Shepard’s mouth.

_ It felt good not to talk to Rahna _ . The internal revelation almost sent his mood plummeting, but Shepard’s laughter swooped him out of the dark grasp of the bitter memories.

“Yeah, that stands for Jack, Javik, and Jacob. It’s only J-Squared when Joker stops by in the morning.” Shepard turned his face towards the ground, an embarrassed light flush creeping into his cheeks. “The  _ Normandy  _ seems to attract a lot of people with ‘J’ names, employee-wise.” Shepard’s gaze flickered up once, then back to the ground before moving back up to catch Kaidan’s encouraging eyes. “Except me, though.”

_ He’s adorable _ , Kaidan thought, and his heart fluttered in agreement.

“Is that so?” Kaidan said instead. “I thought ‘Shepard’ was just a clever cover. You know, using your last name or nickname to hide your ‘J’ first name?”

Mischievousness bled into Shepard’s smile. The teasing completely changed his stance; he leaned in towards Kaidan just a little closer, where Kaidan could pick up the smell of coffee, bubblegum, and cologne lingered in the air around the other man.

“Nope,” Shepard smiled. His eyes ran over Kaidan’s face before he seemed to collect himself and continue his train of thought. “Well, Shepard is my last name, yeah, but my first name doesn’t begin with a ‘J’. That would mean Joker would make us… J-to-the-fifth-power.”

“Doesn’t really have the same ring to it, huh?” Shepard laughed at that, and with his pulse hammering in his throat, Kaidan casually continued, “What is your first name, then?”

“It’s not really common knowledge,” Shepard answered, his tone matching Kaidan’s casual tone with a sly, teasing lilt around the edges. Kaidan searched Shepard’s dark eyes as though the answer would surface from the depths, but they remained the same unbroken, warm espresso surface they usually were.

“Uh-huh,” Ashley drawled slowly. She physically inserted herself between Kaidan and Shepard, giving the former an appreciative once-over before sticking out a hand. “Ashley Williams, nice to meet you, since you know LT so well.” She shot Kaidan a smirk over her shoulder. “I was beginning to think that he was just a grumpy work-absorbed co-worker.”

Shepard huffed in laughter, his smile shot back to Kaidan ending up more sympathetic than ridiculing, thankfully.

“Doesn’t sound like totally bad qualities,” Shepard said to Ashley instead, and she shook her head at him, a look of endearment etched on her face.

Kaidan didn’t like that look, there was a way in which it spoke of ill-intentions with just the quirk of her lips and the slight tilt of her head. Years of training and observations both on and off the clock as a police officer made it easy to see that Ashley was planning something.

Something that involved  _ Shepard _ .

No, Kaidan wasn’t happy about this in the slightest.

“Well, I assume you guys came here for something to buy, right?” Shepard had seemed to notice the sudden intentions Ashley had because he skillfully directed their attention back to the entire reason why someone would visit a coffee shop besides hoping to catch a glimpse of the barista that person just so happened to be crushing on, hard.

“Yes,” Kaidan replied, gently nudging Ashley with his shoulder. She thankfully took the hint and followed after Shepard, resigned to abandoning any plans besides a coffee run for the immediate moment. “Ash volunteered us for a coffee run, and I figured we might as well go to the best coffee shop in the Citadel.”

In front of him, Ashley barely muffled a snort of laughter at his ill-disguised compliment to Shepard, and Kaidan firmly nudged her leg with his foot in warning.

Shepard didn’t seem to notice Ashley’s amusement or Kaidan’s embarrassment, but he did shoot Kaidan a shy smile over his shoulder. It was such a small and beautiful thing that Kaidan tucked away for himself, to keep close to his chest.

Jack was leaning against the front counter when they arrived, scrolling through her phone with one hand while skillfully mixing a customer’s iced coffee with the other. She finished just as Shepard ducked into the back room, leaving Kaidan and Ashley standing there patiently. She finished her drink order, gave the young woman back her change, and returned to her scrolling, a knowing smile creeping onto her face the moment she saw Kaidan walk up.

“You happy to see that your boyfriend came in?” Jack was practically yelling, and it wasn’t just because of the medium-loud hum of conversation in the cafe’s atmosphere.

If Kaidan was blushing before - and he must have been, the cafe wasn’t warm enough for the heat to make his cheeks feel this flushed - he was definitely flushing when Ashley wolf-whistled at him, which just so happened to be perfectly timed for when Shepard came back out from the back room, finishing tying the knot of his apron. His hair also looked suspiciously better groomed, now, even if there was still a few unruly strands sticking up.

Shepard shot Ashley a surprised look; one shadowed with embarrassment that made Kaidan’s chest tighten. The last thing he wanted was for Shepard to feel uncomfortable, or harassed because Jack and Ashley lacked the filter to shut up about his crush.

Shepard relieved a snickering Jack from cashier duty and aimed his professional smile to Kaidan. Of course trusting him to be the responsible person in this embarrassing situation.

“What can I get you, Kaidan?” Shepard asked. His voice had gotten gentler, and although it would have been lost in the sea of voices and clinking cups and dishes, Shepard had a clear, articulate way of speaking that was easy to pick up.

It just so happened to help that Kaidan was listening…. very intently.

That mortifying revelation made Kaidan stutter through the seven coffee orders he had been sent to pick up. Well, it wasn’t really being ‘sent off’ when Ashley had instigated this series of events by going to his corner and - both literally and figuratively - tugging at his arm until he agreed to do this…. shenanigan.

God, now he sounded old. An old police officer getting arthritis cramps from following around a younger colleague…

“Kaidan?” Shepard snapped in front of Kaidan’s face, looking apologetic when Kaidan startled from his thoughts.

His cheeks began to burn.

“Yeah, Shepard? Sorry, I was just-”

“- Lost in thought, it’s okay,” Shepard’s smile appeared genuine enough, but Kaidan was still mentally scolding himself and hoping a hole would open up under him and plunge him into the abyss.

“I do it all the time,” Shepard continued, then thankfully dropped the subject when he noticed how Kaidan’s mortification wasn’t decreasing with his sympathy. “But right, I asked which one was yours.”

Ashley was staring at Kaidan; he felt her eyes boring a hole into his head. “Uh, the hot coffee with two sugars and milk, this time.”

Shepard nodded and was suddenly moving quickly, his movement fluid and well-practiced in the tight space behind the counter. Kaidan and Ashley both watched in awe as drink after drink was produced onto the counter with a flourish and a proud grin.

Finally, only one cup was missing. Shepard was studying the plastic cup thoughtfully, his black Sharpie uncapped and poised a few millimeters above the blank surface. Then, carefully, he began to write out something with diligent letters. In seconds Kaidan’s coffee was on the counter with the rest, and Ashley helped put a few cups in the empty holders of the cup trays Shepard retrieved from behind the counter. Ashley pulled out her crumpled wad of cash from her back pocket and produced them to Shepard, who made a joke lowly enough that only Ashley could hear.

She laughed, shoved the pair of cup holders into Kaidan’s hands, and the pair made their way past the tables of chattering people and back into the overcast afternoon. Just before the  _ Normandy’s _ door closed behind them, Kaidan automatically looked back and found Miranda watching him with a knowing smile.

Great, now two of my coworkers know that I’m crushing hard, Kaidan thought. He frowned down at the trays, then caught sight of a certain cup with significantly more writing on it. A smile blossomed across his face involuntarily.

Ashley even had the good graces to wait until they both settled into the car before practically exploding with excitement in the driver’s seat.

“LT! I have to admit you picked a good one, that boy is adorable!” She snatched her iced coffee and sipped it quickly, returning to voicing her thoughts as soon as she swallowed. “And he’s so nice! Even when he was ogling you!”

“He was…?” Kaidan’s sentence trailed off when he finally read what Shepard had carefully written on his cup:

_ So I heard you got the hots for me! ;) _

Ashley twisted in her seat to see what had rendered Kaidan voiceless, and the ride back to the station was filled with her delighted laughter and jabs at Kaidan’s crush.

Who was, fortunately, smiling too much to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! They really make writing this trainwreck a lot of fun, and very rewarding.
> 
> Next scheduled update: Friday, February 12th, 5:00 pm EST.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the first part of this two part chapter, Kaidan finds some things he has in common with Shepard, and receives some terrifying news.

 

The most convenient part of Kaidan’s living arrangement was how close it was to everything he could need.

Although he didn’t want to live in a motel room for the rest of his life, it was certainly not the worst of situations; the police station was the farthest destination he had to travel to at just five blocks. The supermarket was down the street, the laundromat was next door, and the train station was only a ten-minute walk.

Which meant that the _Normandy Cafe_ was also just ten minutes away. A convenient distance and time that allowed Kaidan to grab a coffee before he had to catch the bus - which was located just outside the train station - and head to work. It was his new routine, one he very willingly fell into.

The only damper in his daily plan was the amount of rain the Citadel had. According to Citadel-natives Jack, James, and Joker, the next few weeks often consisted of spring weather rather than fall, and warm rain would be the common occurrence until the start of November. It made him grimace thinking about all that precipitation turning into snow from the temperature decline, the traveling and shoveling involved more worrisome than some cold air; thanks to his biotics, he had a tendency to run hot-blooded.

It was raining as usual on Friday morning, and as usual, Kaidan pulled on his favorite blue hoodie with a white stripe running down the arms, making sure to carefully pull up his hood to avoid a nasty case of hat hair that loved to appear in such a damp atmosphere.

Collecting his work bag and checking that he has his phone and wallet, Kaidan left his motel room, making sure to lock it behind him and carefully replace his entry card into his wallet. He had made the mistake of simply putting it in his pocket before, and the woman at the front desk was kind enough considering he woke her up for a new key card upon realizing he lost his on the bus that morning.

That was an embarrassing encounter he never wanted to repeat.

Kaidan was thankful that the walk to the _Normandy_ wasn’t very long at all, since his mind decided to grace his morning with an agonizing frame-by-frame recollection of that moment, and when he gently pushed open the doors of the cafe minutes later, shaking the water from his hood, the agonizing memory fled when Kaidan caught sight of Shepard. Who was sprawled out on one of the couches, his gaze focused solely on the _Normandy’s_ high ceiling. He barely glanced in Kaidan’s direction which was both hurtful and unusual, since Shepard had a tendency to leap over the front counter, or vault himself over the couch, or once nearly knocked down a poor old woman to greet Kaidan with a bright smile.

Kaidan tilted his head back to observe what held Shepard’s rapt attention and felt his jaw drop slightly.

Jack waved at him from her tedious perch on one of the wooden rafters, using the hand that she’d braced on the support beam for… probably Shepard’s own well-being, since her figure barely wavered while Shepard gasped like Jack just shot him in the heart.

With a roll of her eyes that Kaidan felt rather than saw, Jack placed her hand back on the beam, sticking her tongue out at Shepard with the exaggerated motion before focusing her attention on the lightbulb she was trying to replace.

Kaidan tried to smother the feeling of panic swelling in him, calming the nervous shifting of his attention on every detail of Jack’s movements by reminding himself of Shepard’s own fretting. Someone had to have a steady mind, and since Jack only had an interest in giving Shepard an early death due to a heart attack, and Javik was silently leafing through a newspaper with a thinly-veiled look of disgust behind the front counter, it was obviously up to Kaidan.

Dropping his bag by the front door as he usually did, Kaidan pulled back his hood and moved to a pull a chair up to the couch, sitting by the armrest where Shepard’s head lay.

Seeing the movement on the edge of his vision, Shepard took his eyes off Jack for a few precious moments to catch Kaidan’s gaze and, seeing something comforting, quirked a small smile in thanks before turning back to Jack. Sitting this close to Shepard, Kaidan realized that there were faint amber flecks in his eyes, and suddenly that revelation was like a gift given in secret, something Kaidan had been lucky to realize how animated Shepard could be, how often Shepard’s eyes looked at everything besides Kaidan’s own.

“There!” Jack exclaimed. Kaidan quickly looked back up at Jack, a flush creeping up his neck at the thought of Jack - or god forbid _Javik_ \- seeing Kaidan stare at Shepard like a love-struck teenage girl. Before he could stop himself, Kaidan glanced up at Jack to confirm whether or not she saw that embarrassing display. She looked a little busy holding up the old spiraled light bulb over her head with one hand and proudly flexing her bicep with the other; Kaidan quite happily assumed that she didn’t see anything since she didn’t have her signature ‘I saw you staring lovingly at my coworker’ smirk in place.

Glancing at Javik, Kaidan knew he didn’t get lucky enough to have both of them not see him, because the alien - Kaidan still wasn’t sure what species he was, and he didn’t think he knew Shepard well enough to ask, whereas Javik was frighteningly cold to the point where Kaidan didn’t even want to know - had placed his newspaper on the counter, turning that frown onto Kaidan. A frown well-paired with a sharp gaze that made Kaidan avert his eyes.

Thankfully, Shepard didn’t notice at all. He shot up into a sitting position, still watching Jack warily like he was waiting for her to perform the cartoon action of saying ‘whoops!’ and dramatically falling backward.

Which, as it turns out, is exactly what she did.

It was completely on purpose, Kaidan knew from how her smile turned wicked and the faint blue tinge of a biotic barrier spreading over her skin. Still, when she began to fall backward, his heart jolted with fear, and he was standing up in a second, ready to support her if she needed it.

Apparently, it wasn’t needed. The second it happened there was a bright flash of azure from the couch, and Shepard was across the room, ready to catch Jack. She landed perfectly in her arms, cackling, and Kaidan was left standing, stunned, the light from his own biotics retreating as the moment of danger passed. He hadn’t considered that Shepard was a biotic himself, and then suddenly it didn’t make sense how he never considered it, since Shepard was careful to avoid touching his coworkers and had a distinct dislike of metal spoons, as he always made the determined effort to use plastic utensils or any other method to stir a customer’s drink.

Shepard set Jack down with a scowl, his panicked worry melting into both anger and exasperation. “Jack, you can’t keep doing this every time you change a lightbulb.”

“I can as long as you keep catching me, and I have the feeling you will, being the king of the boy scouts and all.”

Before Shepard could dignify that with a response, the _Normandy’s_ door open with a soft jingling of the bell. Every head turned - even Javik’s, although he wore an expression of disinterest - and Kaidan’s eyes widened in shock before he could stop himself.

“Anderson!” Kaidan and Shepard said at once. They both then spared a glance to look at one another, both their expressions asking the same question: _How do you know Anderson?_

“Shepard, Alenko.” Anderson nodded in greeting to the both of them, but he returned his attention to Shepard almost immediately after. “I see you’re still not using the ladder I bought for the cafe a few months ago.”

Shepard’s head turned down slightly, sheepish, and Kaidan’s mind struggled to catch up with his racing assumptions. He could already see that there was a certain paternal bond between his boss and Shepard, and it appeared as though he was also a type of leader to Shepard as well.

“Sorry, Anderson. It won’t happen again, sir.”

Anderson watched Shepard with sincere eyes, then shook his head with a soft chuckle. “If your sister could see you now she would approve, son.”

Shepard’s eyes lit up at the mention of his sister, although Kaidan couldn’t be sure if it was _actually_ his sister being mentioned, or another close friend that Shepard developed a family-type bond with. Either way, Kaidan felt warm to his bones to see that chastened look disappear off of Shepard’s usually cheerful expression. “Good thing Romy is overseas, then.” Something wistful lingered after the statement, and despite being an only child, Kaidan felt the absence reverberate within him.

In his thoughts, Kaidan hadn’t noticed that Anderson turned to talk to him.

“You’re not planning on skipping work, are you, Lieutenant?” Anderson was saying. Feeling Shepard’s eyes on him, Kaidan hoped he wasn’t as flushed as he felt.

“No, sir! I was just getting a coffee before work.” Too late, Kaidan realized that Anderson was joking. To be fair, the other’s man face was it’s usual stern self, his features set unwaveringly. The only hint of his humor was the twinkle in his dark eyes and the fond smile on Shepard’s face.

“At ease, I was only joking.” Anderson clasped him on the shoulder warmly, nodding to Shepard before moving to the counter where Javik stood silently.

“Lieutenant?” Shepard mused lowly. Kaidan started from watching Anderson place his order with Javik. Jack had joined Anderson, sitting on the counter with her legs kicking out idly, her smirk warning Kaidan that some form of gossip was being transferred right before his eyes.

“Heh, yeah. Got a promotion a month before moving out here.” The information didn’t even get a chance to be carefully filtered before it was blurted out. Yet not a shred of regret lingered behind; talking to Shepard was an easy and comfortable feeling. Such little details about Kaidan’s life should have been insignificant, but Shepard’s face lit up all the same.

“Really? Congrats! It was a promotion well-deserved, obviously.” It was a polite statement, a compliment really, and Shepard’s innocent and completely happy-for-Kaidan smile reflected that. Still, unbidden images of blood and Vyrnnus’s body, Rahna’s horror and the quick escape from his old home, all flooded to the surface.

Although he tried to hide the sudden influx of memories, Shepard must have caught the slight clue to Kaidan’s inner turmoil, and immediately became apologetic. Thankfully, he had the good grace to change the subject and save Kaidan from a very awkward and painful explanation; since Kaidan would have explained if prompted. Perhaps not all the gritty little details, but certainly the general version of the story of how his - _stupid stupid stupid_ \- mistake led to him bunkering down and carving a life based on a chance encounter with a barista and a bone-deep sense of being left adrift.

“What can I get you to drink?” Shepard asked. A simple question turned into a life preserver, and Kaidan gripped onto it greedily.

“The usual medium ice coffee, two sugars, and milk, please,” Kaidan replied. He didn’t even mind that his voice was soaked with unabashed relief.

“Coming right up!” Shepard jerked his head towards the counter and led the way there, using the flap by the employee room to get behind the door without bothering to put on his apron. He always made the effort to make Kaidan’s drink when he was at the cafe, and although Kaidan was embarrassed, he was also thrilled that such a small amount of effort was always made on Shepard’s part, with no hesitation and no complaints.

It helped that Kaidan also got little pickup lines on his cup as well, of course. They were usually small and cheesy little things that made Kaidan smile to himself all day and didn’t even make his ashamed to be smiling like a goof to himself.

While Shepard made his coffee with the usual flair of a dramatic display, throwing a wink to Kaidan for good measure, Kaidan moved to stand beside Anderson. His boss had gotten his medium styrofoam cup of coffee and seemed much more interested in watching Shepard’s antics rather than drinking it.

 _Perhaps Anderson also prefers the company to the coffee_ , Kaidan thought to himself. It certainly wasn’t a startling revelation; Shepard dragged people into his orbit easily, and never truly seemed to realize it. Such modesty was certainly a gift, though.

A gift such as Shepard mixing Kaidan’s drink with exaggerated motions. His eyes met Kaidan’s for just a fraction of a second - which just so happened to be enough for Shepard’s grip on the cup to slip, and to cause the now-completed beverage to slosh onto Shepard’s unprotected, white button-down shirt and dark pants.

Jack exploded into laughter, drowning out Shepard’s embarrassed cursing. Kaidan couldn’t resist laughing to himself softly, shaking his head with fond amusement. Shepard smiled sheepishly at him before dabbing at his shirt with a napkin in vain and then simply giving up.

“I know you still have a change of clothes in the back room,” Anderson spoke up, not bothering to hide the warm laughter in his voice. “But you can go home to change if you need to, son.”

“No sir, I’ll make do with what I have here… and I’ll put on my apron.”

Everyone seemed to nod in agreement at that, even Javik. Shepard cleaned the spillage on the counter and Kaidan’s cup, and after assuring that the latter was dry he pulled out a sharpie from his shirt pocket.

He studied the cup like he would study a blank canvas, analyzing the space and material he had to work with before carefully writing and proudly placing it on the counter. The written line was suspiciously aimed so that Kaidan couldn’t see it.

Javik’s face twitched in disapproval by whatever he spotted on the cup, and the look stayed while he rang up Kaidan’s drink and gruffly wished him a nice day. Shepard lit up at that little deed, and Anderson looked impressed that Javik could speak rather than simply glare.

It was a day for small victories, then, and when Anderson offered to drive Kaidan to the police station, it began to seem like nothing could go wrong, starting now.

Especially after Kaidan climbed into the car and saw the little message Shepard had left him:

 _Did it hurt when you fell_ _from heaven_ _for me?_

Yeah, the day was definitely looking up.

* * *

 

The police station was sleepy, surprisingly. Quiet wasn’t a usual description to give the place; Ashley, James, and Grunt were to thank for the common reckless activities and happenings around the station, and it wasn’t rare to find Garrus having a hand in it too.

Yet today, everyone was at their desks, talking calmly about various topics or writing their reports. Kaidan happily sat at his desk, half-listening as Ashley and James exchanged information about the latest biotiball game and the contestants.

“I need to ask him about the lottery numbers, then!” Ashley shook her head, dumbfounded.

“You joke but Loco nailed the score on that last game! He’s psychic!” James looked equally astonished, and Kaidan caught himself smiling at the entire familiar scene.

“It’s probably Shepard’s biotics! Hey, LT, could you-” Ashley most likely ridiculous question was cut off by the shrill ring of the telephone on her desk, and Ashley shot Kaidan a “hold on, someone is making me do my job” look before answering it with a very professional, “Chief Williams, Citadel Police, how may I help?”

Kaidan turned back to the dwindling pile of reports on his desk, pulling out the more recent file and picking up his pen. Perhaps today he could get some work done if he’d stop glancing at his coffee cup every few seconds…

“You’re sure?” Thinly-disguised panic laced Ashley’s voice, sending a jolt through Kaidan. He looked up to find that she turned pale, her white-knuckled grip pressing the phone to her ear firmly.

“We’re sending some squad cars, just sit tight and stay on the phone with me, okay?” Seeming satisfied with an answer Kaidan couldn’t hear, Ashley tugged the phone’s speaker from her ear, shooting her attentive coworkers an anxious look.

A look that lingered a little too long on Kaidan, and darted to the coffee cup on his desk.

When she spoke up, her voice shook:

“There’s a shooting at the _Normandy_. Two employees have been shot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the little cliffhanger! The second half of the chapter was getting long, so I had to chop it in half. Since most of that part is finished, expect a very quick update! Classes are out for the week, so I hope to get in another by the end of next week? We'll see!
> 
> Thank you all so so much for the comments and kudos! Seeing how well received MIM is so far helps me when I'm in a little rut and having trouble with a chapter, and you guys are the greatest! <3
> 
> Next scheduled update: Monday, February 15th, 3:00 pm EST.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this second part, an actual plot surfaces. Also Shepard makes Kaidan want to stutter, and Joker has a robot the equivalent to a kindergartner.

There was a moment of clarity in the police cruiser.

Watching the cars and people part for the wailing sirens always gave Kaidan precious seconds to collect his thoughts and focus himself. It gave him time to double check the little things, the small details like tightening the straps of his bulletproof vest and reassuring himself that no weapon on his belt was loose.

This time, with Ashley’s fear hooked onto his mind, Kaidan was anxious. His body knew the normal drill, automatically doing an inventory of his belt and checking all the straps and buttons on his uniform. His mind could only think about Shepard and Jack and Javik, all his friends that were employees there and that two of them were injured. At this time in the morning, Joker would be there too, ordering his usual hot chocolate with EDI. The call had come in just twenty minutes before Miranda’s usual coffee run.

Kaidan and Anderson had  _ just  _ been there. Now Kaidan was riding back to the  _ Normandy _ , resisting the urge to shift his weight nervously in the passenger seat. James was driving, and in hindsight that would have been a better action if they needed to have their tires squealing against the pavement and speeds that would occur with a devil chasing them. Without that knowledge of the future, though, Kaidan was glad to hear the roar of the engine see the fronts of shops and the figures of pedestrians blur past, details diminishing.

Anything to get him to the  _ Normandy _ , to get him to Shepard to help. To soothe the part of his mind that hissed terrible assumptions, gave him terrible mental images that made his hands tremble and his throat go dry. Images of Shepard bleeding, his white shirt and earth-colored apron soaked crimson and his dark eyes dimmed with pain.

Just pain, nothing else, because Kaidan’s mind could not possibly begin to imagine seeing a pair of espresso eyes turned to the same emptiness of a corpse. Such comprehension was beyond him, and his frantically beating heart seemed to thank him for it.

He had been worried that his own thoughts would distract him when now was the worst time to be distracted, with his Citadel safe haven under attack, with  _ Shepard  _ under attack, but the moment the police cruiser turned the corner to reach the train station’s nearby plaza, tires shrieking with the movement and rubber burning dark marks into the black tar, his mind cleared instantaneously.

James pulled the cruiser across the street, and he barely threw the gearshift into park before the both of them were getting out, their weapons drawn. Electricity slowly crackled across Kaidan’s skin as his biotics flared up, blue light radiating off of him. As he grew closer to the  _ Normandy _ , he caught the briefest glimpse of his reflection in the  _ Normandy’s  _ smudge-free windows; tendrils of blue wrapped themselves around his body sharply, the edges only becoming rounded and smoother with the pulses bouncing off him.

Beyond his reflection, however, Kaidan noticed that the cafe was surprisingly full of patrons. All of whom were sitting in seats, chatting or typing away at computers or pouring their attention over papers. Many stared out the windows at him and James; two cops that came screeching up to the  _ Normandy  _ and approached it guns drawn.

The seemingly only guns around, because Kaidan didn’t see a trace of the supposed shooters. There was also a lack of panic from the patrons - well, the panic that didn’t stem from Kaidan’s glowing and gun-wielding self.

Immediately deciding that there was a lack of a threat, Kaidan holstered his weapon, holding a hand out to James for him to do the same lest they cause a bigger stir among the public. James thankfully complied before asking why, and Kaidan quietly praised the trust two partners shared, because he couldn’t quite explain that it was a false call, not while he hadn’t even entered the cafe yet to enforce his assumptions.

Kaidan turned to James, who was scanning the inside of the  _ Normandy _ , carefully, his hand resting on his now-holstered gun. James caught his eye and frowned.

“Awfully quiet for a shooting. I’ll radio it in.”

Kaidan nodded, “Sounds good, I’ll head in.”

They split ways, James moving to the cruiser and Kaidan finally crossing the road and pulling the  _ Normandy’s _ front door open. The bell above the door tinkled softly in acknowledgment, and the sound made most of the patrons turn to look at him warily. Some eyes were unfriendly at this sudden interruption, and when Kaidan swept his gaze across the room, those eyes were averted.

Either oblivious to the tension or simply uncaring, a single voice stood out among the lower chatter of the customers.

“Kaidan! Back already?” Shepard appeared from the employee’s back room, surprised delight lighting his features. Kaidan smiled in reply and felt the remaining eyes scrutinizing him turn back to their conversation partners or work.

He wondered if Shepard was truly that familiar with all these people, to the point where they would trust Kaidan because of Shepard’s reactions.

Shepard stepped up to meet him, grinning with a youthful excitement, and he eyed Kaidan with a certain type of appreciation. It gave Kaidan a moment to pick up those little details, like the loose top button on Shepard’s shirt and the light brown coffee stain peering up from under his apron. So he hadn’t changed his shirt, as he told Anderson he would.

“So what brings you - ” Something behind Kaidan caught Shepard’s attention, “- and James to the  _ Normandy _ ?” Shepard’s smile faded as his expression turned serious.

Kaidan wasn’t sure if the fear he saw around the corners of Shepard’s eyes and mouth were truly  there, or if he was projecting his own lingering terror onto the other man’s face.

“We got a call about a shooting,” Kaidan said lowly. Shepard leaned in to pick up the words through the growing collective sound of the cafe, and Kaidan very determinedly refused his gaze to slip past Shepard’s eyes, which were crinkled at the corners as he frowned.

_ Don’t look at his lips, Alenko _ , Kaidan thought fiercely. He repeated that inwardly as a mantra. Resisting the urge was made a lot easier when Shepard sighed and shook his head.

“Again?”

One word, and suddenly thoughts about how the air from that sigh was warm brushing past Kaidan’s face were easily forgotten. In their wake were confusion and complete surprise.

“What do you mean, ‘again’?” Kaidan didn’t bother shrouding his incredulity.

“A few months ago a lot of fake calls came into the police station,” Shepard began. He stepped closer to Kaidan, making his voice clearer even as it went softer. Kaidan’s heart rate kicked up at the proximity.

“They usually got called in at the lunch rush, when everyone was out at restaurants. It turns out some teenager found that scaring the public was a fun past time.” Shepard shook his head like he was trying to clear away those old cobwebs. Still, a troubled look began to take shape, and Kaidan found himself asking what was wrong before he could stop himself.

“Uh… well, one of those calls came in for the nearby Italian restaurant-”

“Alenko?” Kaidan’s radio crackled to life, and the sound of Anderson’s voice startled both Kaidan and Shepard into moving away from each other by a few steps. Something vulnerable in Shepard’s face appeared to crack, and Shepard excused himself only to disappear back into the employee room.

Kaidan watched after the closed door for a fleeting moment before picking up his radio and pressing the receiver button. “I’m here, Anderson.”

“Vega informed me of what happened. We got a call of a robbery and shooting across town; Officers Lawson and Massani are en route there now. Report back to the station after checking the area.”

“Yes sir,” Kaidan said, but the crackle of the radio had faded to silence. Kaidan glanced back through the  _ Normandy’s  _ window; James was sitting on the hood of the police cruiser, looking disgruntled as he scanned the area. Like a figure would pop out of the alleyway beside the  _ Normandy  _ and spray the place with bullets.

Confident that James was securing the perimeter of the cafe, Kaidan turned to making sure the inside was truly safe as well. He made his way to the front counter, and a familiar feeling gathered in his chest when he caught sight of Joker, with his usual companion EDI of course, by the front desk.

Joker, of course, was deep in conversation with Jack, although there appeared to be another robot standing by Joker. Despite the lack of expressive facial features, Kaidan could still tell that it was frustrated.

Joker seemed frustrated too. “You just can’t board up some guy’s windows!”

“We fail to see the cause for displeasure, Moreau-Driver.” The robot looked at Joker expectantly, and the latter sighed heavily before speaking in a measured tone.

“I know you think you were improving his house structure, Legion, but you really weren’t! We didn’t even know that man!”

The robot, Legion, seemed to process this. Kaidan watched in curious awe, but Legion’s reply slipped past Kaidan’s attention when the door to the employee room opened, and Shepard emerged looking shy.

He spotted Kaidan immediately, saw what caught his attention, and immediately burst into laughter.

“Shepard-Commander!” Legion greeted. He seemed to forget about the valuable lesson Joker was teaching him, and Joker finally threw his hands into the air in exasperation.

“Legion still boarding up your neighbor’s windows?” Shepard asked Joker when his laughter faded to a grin and he was close enough to have a normal conversation.

“Yes! He is! EDI and I can’t convince him otherwise.” Joker shook his head and grumpily sipped his hot chocolate. His phone chirped, and with a long sigh he said his goodbyes and limped out of the cafe, two robots - one smug and one oblivious to their crimes - following him without hesitation.

Kaidan turned his attention to Shepard, who laughed at the confusion on Kaidan’s face with a type of empathy that said ‘Yeah, I know, I’ve been there’.

“Joker is a mechanic,” Shepard explained, laughter still glowing in his eyes. “He repairs and builds robots. He’s also an Uber driver on the side.”

“You know a lot of people, Shepard,” Kaidan replied. It was true; Kaidan figured he could go to some obscene shoe shop across town and find that the owner, four employees, and the regulars knew this man.

“Yeah,” Shepard smiled. “I like knowing so many people, though. Although I never really met anyone like you, which is interesting.”

There couldn’t have been a better sentence to make Kaidan want to sink into the floor. As it was, he felt a flush creep up his neck. He opened his mouth once, closed it, then opened it again, but before he could embarrass himself by stuttering out a reply, Shepard handed him a white paper bag. When Kaidan too it, it was surprisingly heavy, and what sounded like wax parchment paper crinkled inside softly.

“Just a couple of pastries, for you, James, and Ashley. On the house.”

Later, Kaidan would say that he didn’t leave the cafe dazed and smiling, but that would be a complete lie that James would happily hold over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things ended up a little rushed, since I just got home from a family event and I had just a little more to write. Sorry about that last cliffhanger!
> 
> Thank you all for your support, and perhaps keep an eye out for a post-war one-shot sometime mid-week? It's these two dealing with the greatest joy of parenting: a sick kid.
> 
> Next scheduled update: (HOPEFULLY) Thursday, February 18th, 3:00 pm EST.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This little chapter includes a suspicious phone call, a Shepard Life Clue™, and a stranger to the Normandy (and thus Shepard, shocking I know).

Things were suspiciously quiet the next morning at the  _ Normandy _ .

Even more suspicious since Kaidan had arrived later than he usually did, closer to noon than sunrise, after a long night of research. He had spent hours scouring various online news articles and shifting through a thick set of manila folders for anything that could give him a clue about the past false phone calls.

After countless cups of coffee, two migraines (one from sleep deprivation, one from the caffeine flooding his head with false energy), and a hotel room that looked like a tornado tore through and scattered papers everywhere, Kaidan had finally admitted defeat, for now. As it turned out there was no evidence to point to an actual offender; plenty of assumptions, but a guess wouldn’t dare hold up in a courtroom, especially when the majority of suspects were teenagers roped into the robbery and occasional arson charges - whether it was intentional or not.

Anderson appeared to have a sense for the whole ‘employee pouring his energy into a cold case’ thing as well, as he called Kaidan an hour before his actual shift. The shrill ringing of his cell phone startled Kaidan into almost falling out of his chair, not to mention scattering the piles of paper off his small desk and onto the floor.

“Alenko. I didn’t mean to wake you up this late.” A quick glance at the alarm clock on his bedside table confirmed that it was definitely almost noon. Anderson was teasing him, which wasn’t very unusual, and the presence of such a familiar tone helped calm Kaidan’s thundering heart rate just a little.

“Sir, I’m so sorry, I can be in the station in twenty minutes-”

“Kaidan, it’s alright, son,” Anderson interrupted gently. Before Kaidan could reply with a continuance of his apology, Anderson continued firmly, “Williams switched shifts with you. I trust that you’ll show up for that shift at 4 o’clock instead of sleeping in again?”

“Of course, sir. Thank you so much.” Kaidan rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes, casting a look over the piles of papers that now littered his floor.

“You’re welcome, Alenko. Take care.”

“You too, sir.” Kaidan hung up, gave the cluttered room a frustrated look, then decided that coffee was in order. Good coffee, one preferably made by the one person that could have a lead on this growing cold case.

* * *

The  _ Normandy  _ was in a state of near dead silence, broken only by a soft voice by the counter.

Walking into the cafe was not unlike interrupting a funeral, the bell above the door cheerfully ringing for his arrival. Quiet wasn’t a term Kaidan would usually use to describe the cafe and especially two certain employees, and unease blossomed in his chest as he detected the tension underneath the soundless atmosphere.

Kaidan knew that Shepard worked today, but when he rounded past the merchandise counter and saw a red-haired figure murmuring into his phone, Kaidan still felt a small jolt run down his back. The same jolt that kicked in on the job before a gun was pulled, or when Kaidan watched Rahna scream in pain before his biotics spread across his skin as quick as lightning. Something was wrong, and that was so terribly obvious, even with Shepard facing away from him. It was all that tension in Shepard’s shoulders and the way he ran a hand through his hair, pausing the action to tug at the strands in distress.

Even his voice was strained when he spoke into his cell phone. Although the words were quiet, Kaidan picked up the final few words before Shepard hung up:

“I can’t do that. Goodbye.”

Shepard turned, his phone clasped tightly in his hand, and upon seeing Kaidan something in his expression shifted in surprise.

“Kaidan! I didn’t hear you come in.” Shepard smiled, but before Kaidan could ask about that concerning phone call, a door behind him opened, and Shepard’s gaze shifted over Kaidan’s shoulder.

“Mordin. Would you like your usual?” Kaidan turned to observe the customer that had eluded him by using the restroom, and of course, it was a salarian. A doctor or scientist too, by the lab coat. Shepard seemed to have a friend of every species, and every single one seemed to visit the  _ Normandy  _ often enough to have a regular drink.

Although, Kaidan himself had turned into a regular, hadn’t he? Maybe everyone felt the same attraction to this cafe and Shepard, even if the place needed better outside lighting and Shepard… 

… Well, Kaidan didn’t know what Shepard needed. He had endless friends and connections, and several of whom treated him like family. According to Anderson, Shepard had a sister too. He appeared to love his job and the social setting it brought.

Then again, maybe whatever Shepard needed - and whatever he knew - originated from the phone call that caused the tension lining his shoulders.

“Yes. Need coffee placebo effect after long flight.” The salarian, Mordin, joined Kaidan at the front counter, adjusting the lapels of his lab coat with familiar annoyance. Kaidan recognized that fidgeting after his own long days in a uniform, where the clothes essentially became a second skin that he wanted to tear off and forget the feeling of under a warm shower.

“How was the science convention?” Shepard asked. He moved to begin the process of assembling Mordin’s ‘usual’, but after a glance at Kaidan, he grabbed a styrofoam takeout cup as well as a black ceramic mug with a red and white stripe engulfing the handle.

“Long. Full of idiots. ‘The usual’ as humans say,” Mordin replied. He had given up adjusting his coat and took it off altogether, appearing much more comfortable in his red turtleneck sweater and gray slacks without the coat.

“You must have loved proving them wrong,” Shepard countered. He placed Mordin’s styrofoam cup on the counter, and the salarian took a sip without blinking, thoughtful. Kaidan blinked in surprise; not only was the beverage boiling hot, but it was also straight up black coffee; Kaidan hadn’t seen Shepard put an ounce of cream or a grain of sugar into the cup before sealing it with a lid.

Shepard must have seen the alarm on Kaidan’s face, because he laughed, turning it into a choked sound when Mordin spoke, ignoring the entire exchange.

“True, it had to be me. Everyone else -”

“- would have gotten it wrong,” Shepard finished. He added milk to Kaidan’s mug of coffee, stirring in two spoonfuls of sugar with a plastic spoon he brandished from the pocket of his apron. Kaidan was surprised to see the concentration lining Shepard’s face as he stirred, the skin of his hand turning white with how tightly he gripped it.

“You okay?” Kaidan asked. As if snapped from his trance Shepard quickly retracted his hand. The spoon he was clenching immediately slipped from his fingers and dully clattered onto the floor behind the counter.

A jolt ran down Kaidan’s spine, the feeling urgent. Something was wrong but Kaidan didn’t know what, he didn’t know and it made his chest clench with worry.

“Yes,” Shepard lied, his voice thinly disguising the strangled undertone. He rung up Kaidan’s coffee with a trembling in his hands he tried to hide with a conversation with Mordin.

“Anything particularly idiotic?” Shepard asked. He avoided looking at Kaidan’s concerned eyes.

“No. All of it was ‘idiotic’.” Mordin pulled a wallet out of his coat pocket and pulled out several crisp credit chits and placed them on the counter with a soft hum. “Shepard, you never saw the doctor.”

It wasn’t a question. Kaidan’s eyes darted from Mordin’s thinly veiled worry to Shepard’s sealed expression.

“Shepard?” Kaidan questioned. Prompted, more like it, and Shepard sighed. Kaidan wordlessly offered him a moment by placing his credit card on the counter. Shepard charged his card for the drink, pulling the receipt out. Instead of handing him both the card and paper, he only handed the card over. With his free hand, Shepard pulled a pen from his pocket, and slowly wrote on the back of Kaidan’s receipt. The look of concentration was back; halfway through the sentence, Shepard’s left hand gripped his right wrist to keep the trembling to minimum damage.

He slid the paper with the message on the opposite side, out of view, and finally met Kaidan’s gaze with a sheepish smile.

“It’s really not that bad, I promise.”

_ What is wrong? _ Kaidan wanted to ask, he wanted to know why the jolts ran down his back this time, but the chime of the front door’s bell instantly paused the conversation. The sound of delicate footsteps - cautious and  _ familiar _ , Kaidan thought with a drop in his stomach - rounded the merchandise counter, then paused.

“Are you ready to order, miss?” Shepard had his signature ‘cheerful server’ smile on, the change from familiarity to formality so slight, but Kaidan had picked it up in an instant. 

Kaidan intended to glance over his shoulder only briefly, but the woman standing there made his stomach drop and he was left frozen. Of course, that gut feeling wasn’t wrong, and neither was the jolts down his spine earlier. This time, he wished they were. Or that they at least came with some warning.

“Kaidan,” Rahna said. Her eyes darted at Shepard’s curious expression and Mordin’s disinterest before settling back on Kaidan, her eyes dark and unreadable.

“We need to talk, Kaidan,” she said. “Privately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for this very late update, and the fact that it has this cliffhanger. I've had a rough past week, but MIM did reach 500 reads! Yay! Thank you all so so much for these comments and kudos, it really helps seeing such a good response to his story, you're all wonderful and I hope you all have a safe and cozy day/night!
> 
> Next chapter has confrontation and more Kaidan background B)
> 
> Next scheduled update: (HOPEFULLY) Saturday, March 5th, 3:00 pm EST.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rahna finally takes to confrontation, Jack and Shepard act like brother and sister, and Kaidan needs a little reminder.

‘Privately’ turned out to be a table in the  _ Normandy’s  _ most secluded corner. Rahna chose the seat where her whole back would be facing the cafe, where she could easily run away as if he would activate his biotics and hurt her. Like what happened to Vyrnnus would also happen to her.

Feeling his stomach twist with the thought, Kaidan silently sat across from her, untouched coffee in one hand and his receipt carefully clutched in the other.

If Rahna noticed the gentle way he held the piece of paper, she didn’t say a word or even give him a look.

Instead, she carefully wrapped her hands around her own cup, a small navy blue mug with a white  angel wing on the side. She was drinking tea, since coffee always upset her stomach, and Kaidan could tell just by glancing at it that Shepard hadn’t put enough milk in her green tea because he had always done the same whenever he tried to surprise her with a mug before work in the morning.

Then again, she always put too much milk in his coffee.

“Yvaine told me you had come here. The Citadel, I mean,” Rahna said. Of course, his mother would tell Rahna where he went, they hadn’t told anyone else of their unspoken separation. Or divorce, if the orange mailing envelope that lay waiting beside her on the table was truly holding papers from their lawyer.

“And you came to talk,” Kaidan replied. Over Rahna’s shoulder, he caught a glimpse of Shepard ducking into the employee’s room, offering them a privacy that Kaidan wasn’t sure he wanted. Being the point of scrutiny to Rahna’s unreadable gaze was something he disliked when they were together. Now, he loathed it.

“Yes. We need to talk about… what you did. And what that means.” To collect her thoughts, Rahna raised her mug and took a shallow sip. Immediately her mouth twisted into a grimace at the taste and she put it down on the table with a dull thunk. Kaidan knew she wouldn’t be picking it up again.

“What I did?” Kaidan repeated. He remembered it so clearly, a day didn’t go by when the memory flickered in his mind’s eye. Yes, he could talk about it, in the  _ Normandy’s  _ familiar atmosphere and even Shepard had reappeared, carrying a large crate behind the counter and filling the stock.

They weren’t at the police station or the home that Rahna insisted they lived in. They were in his comfort zone, now, and he wasn’t going to let the chance slip away. Not this time.

“I never meant to kill him, Rahna,” Kaidan said softly. “I saw him grab you and when you cried out-”

“You know your implants are strong, Kaidan,” Rahna interrupted. She was getting angry, but the reserved type of anger that she used at work when dealing with a stubborn client. Not her soon-to-be ex-husband. They had just begun talking and she was already alienating him in a way that made his mouth dry.

“I know. God, Rahna, I know but I wasn’t thinking about that then. I only wanted to help you.”

Rahna watched him quietly, scanning his face before she said slowly, “I wish you didn’t kill him, Kaidan, but I know we can’t change anything, now.”

Kaidan could only nod. He felt sick having this conversation, knowing the path it would travel. Even if he would be lying if he said he’d never considered splitting from Rahna. Marrying her was not entirely a mistake, he truly cared for her, but it was an impulsive decision. It was something he could only see as impulsive and idealistic now that they sat across from each other hundreds of miles away from their hometown, ready to end their marriage.

It was as sad as it was right, and Kaidan sipped his coffee to ease his dry mouth.

“I wish I didn’t kill him too. There were better ways to handle Vyrnnus.” Kaidan’s head turned down as soon as he said it, finally speaking aloud the same thing he had told and tortured himself over. He caught sight of the receipt, of Shepard’s shaky handwriting:

_ Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes. _

Yes, there were better ways to subdue Vyrnnus when he had grabbed Rahna’s wrist, his talons digging into her flesh. Yet Kaidan was tired and his head was still cloudy with anger from the same fight he had always had with Rahna over her abusive boss.

Seeing the said boss grab her so roughly, over something as trivial as a dropped stack of papers, had been the last straw. His biotics had streaked over his skin, crackling furiously, and he had killed a man.

He agreed to resign to the police force then left town. He arrived in the rainy city with his few belongings and was lucky enough to find Anderson and his understanding leadership, the  _ Normandy’s  _ strong coffee and of course Shepard, who was trying very hard to avoid listening in as he stocked the counter, humming something Kaidan didn’t recognize.

He had been given this second chance to make a home for himself, and he would be damned if he ruined this life too.

“I have the papers,” Rahna finally said. Kaidan watched her open the mailing envelope; now that she picked it up he could see that the front had a label from their town’s local law office.

His mouth started to go dry again.

“Thomas said that if we could agree to these terms and if you signed, you didn’t have to come back to town until the court date next month.” Rahna was suddenly looking everywhere but at him, gaze focused on her cooled mug of tea and her stack of papers and finally the pen she pulled out of her purse and held out to him. An olive branch of sorts, if olive branches were the tools used to end a marriage that had been a mistake from the beginning.

Kaidan took the pen with steady fingers. Rahna slid the divorce papers across the table surface and paused before clasping her hands together tightly and placing them into her lap. She waited silently as Kaidan read the documents, although they both know he didn’t truly need to. It was clear that they both had their new places figured out. They had no pets or kids to divide their time between, Kaidan didn’t want or need money and neither did Rahna.

The only things they had was the two-bedroom home back in town and all the furniture and fragmented memories within, and Kaidan didn’t hesitate to leave his signature at the end of all of it, the curves of the letters clean and final.

The thing he had been running from, silenced by the stroke of a pen. Rahna took the documents he handed her, but waved away the pen when he tried to return it. He recognized the logo from the real estate service Rahna formerly worked for, and he put it down on the table, not bothering to cap it. He wondered if she intended to hand him a pen from the place of employment that caused all of this to happen, briefly, before dismissing those thoughts. She wanted those memories buried as much as he did. More, perhaps, if her unusually less-than-perfect makeup applied around her puffy eyes and the treatment she would give a stranger was any proof.

Rahna was glancing over her shoulder towards the front counter. Jack had walked in a few minutes earlier, unnoticed in Kaidan’s moment of contemplation. She sat on the counter surface as Shepard tried to wipe it down, laughing at his half-hearted threats to fire her if she didn’t move.

As if sensing their attention on him, Shepard looked over at them, catching Kaidan’s eyes with a small nod of acknowledgment and a small half-smile. Jack looked over too, throwing a wink at Kaidan before sliding off the counter, much to Shepard’s relief.

Rahna turned back towards Kaidan. Her expression was still detached, almost, but there was a hint of… something that resembled relief.

Of course, she would be  _ glad  _ to finally leave the  _ Normandy  _ (and Kaidan) behind. It had taken her a long time to come out to Citadel since the date at the top of the divorce paper’s title page was marked as two weeks ago.

But to Kaidan’s surprise, she smiled.

“Good luck out here, Kaidan. Be careful.”

With that, Rahna collected the envelope and left the cafe, the soft ringing of the front door’s bell the only sound to her departure. Shepard and Jack were laughing at something and although he was sitting alone at a table with two mostly untouched drinks and the feeling of shame lingering in the air, Kaidan smiled.

His stomach rumbled quietly in hunger and Kaidan stood to head to the counter and order something to eat, lest he keeled over and died of starvation right  _ now _ , of all times. However, he paused just as he stood, capping the pen and slipping it into his pocket.

This time, he would remember to act right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Rahna turned out okay, I wanted to capture her trauma to the whole thing but she still had some love left in her, you know?
> 
> Anyway, thank you for the responses! The kudos and comments are always super appreciated, it always helps kick me to start writing. Thank you all for reading, see you next week with a very special, very gay(???????) movie night. And awkward Kaidan. And also awkward Shepard. What even is this fic.
> 
> Next scheduled update: Saturday, March 12th, 3:00 pm EST.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new species is at the Normandy (unsurprisingly), Kaidan gets a lead in his case as well as an invitation, and Ashley wins a bet against James.

Unsurprisingly, there was a drell at the  _ Normandy  _ the following week.

Even more unsurprising, he was speaking to Shepard, their conversation at the front counter too quiet for Kaidan to pick up at his chosen table. Though under the buzz of customers’ conversations he could catch the faint sound of the drell’s subharmonics; not that he’s  _ trying  _ to eavesdrop, he knows the importance of privacy more than anyone, but there’s an uncharacteristic solemness in Shepard’s features that worries Kaidan. Any trace of a comforting smile is gone, leaving concern edged with sorrow.

Shepard always seemed to know when Kaidan was looking at him, it seemed, because the drell’s head turned to the side in a conversational pause and for a second a pair of dark eyes darted to Kaidan. All the air left Kaidan’s lungs when Shepard briefly returned his gaze with an unreadable expression before flickering back to his friend, leaving Kaidan staring down at his reports in humiliation. He had come to the  _ Normandy  _ on his lunch break with the intention to comb through old reports and start to piece together an investigation that would bring some sense to the ‘prank calls’ that were turning out to be robberies and in one case, arson.

He had hoped to talk to Shepard about anything he could have seen as well, since his contacts spanned across the town and even across different species, something more uncommon for humans. They were still the newer species on the scene, after all.

Unfortunately, Shepard was busy with…. well, his job. He made drinks at an impressive rate, Kaidan noticed, and his friendly smile hadn’t wavered until a certain drell appeared.

Still, that was not Kaidan’s business. At all. He turned that into a mental mantra, determined not to steal more glances at Shepard and to focus on the work at hand.

So much easier said than done because the empty chair across from him softly ground across the tile floor as it was pulled back. Soon the empty space was filled, and Kaidan was left staring dumbfounded at its occupant.

“Hi,” Shepard said. Then he smiled, and it was such a delicate and nervous thing that it made Kaidan’s heart stutter.

“Hi to you too,” Kaidan replied softly. His voice didn’t waver despite his thundering and irregular heartbeat. He was on the verge of a heart attack, but small victories.

“Important work at the Citadel P.D.?” Shepard teased, gesturing to the files spread across the table Kaidan had claimed as his own for his visit. Kaidan had to admit that it was definitely a little unorganized, though that was easily blamed due to the occasional draft sweeping through the cafe every time the front door opened and perhaps his distraction with Shepard had a part in it...  _ perhaps _ .

“Always. These are all files about our prank caller. I was actually hoping to talk to you about it, if you have the time?”

Shepard was scanning the pages, his head slightly tilted at he tried to read the upside-down text. At Kaidan’s question he looked up, but the expression flickering across his face wasn’t the surprise Kaidan had been expecting. Rather, it was acknowledgment.

“Anderson mentioned you were looking into the case. I assumed you would want to ask me about it since, well, I know a lot of people in town, right?”

“Right,” Kaidan nodded. “ _ Do _ you know anything? Or anyone that has something to do with this?”

Shepard didn’t skip a beat. “I think so. I don’t know if he’s really guilty, but...” Shepard paused, glanced around the cafe, then leaned in a little closer. Kaidan instinctively leaned in as well, ignoring the sudden spike in his pulse.

_ Focus, Alenko, and not on how Shepard smells like he bathed in coffee grounds. _

“... we have a business man that comes in every other week, at the beginning of the week. He sits in the corner and only orders a black coffee and tips really good, but he also spends hours just sitting there. Watches the customers and the employees and occasionally types something on his laptop whenever something happens.”

“‘Whenever something happens’?”

“People entering or leaving. If Jack, Javik, or Jacob clock in or out. Even when I go meet the delivery guy at the back of the  _ Normandy _ .”

It was certainly suspicious, and of course, Shepard had never given an official statement to the police since there was nothing illegal about sitting in a coffee shop. Still, there weren't many bases to take the guy into questioning. Kaidan said as much, and Shepard agreed before adding, “He also leaves about twenty minutes before one of the calls come in. The same exact time, two-twenty, and I’ve always noticed since it’s about five minutes after the delivery guy leaves and that’s when the cafe is usually quiet.”

“What’s his name?”

“He pays in cash, but his last name is Illusive. Mr. Illusive is what we call him when we speak to him.”

Kaidan jotted the name in his notes, pleased that this entire thing wasn’t just time wasted watching Shepard work. “I’ll check it out. Thanks, Shepard.”

“Anytime,” Shepard grinned.

Kaidan checked his watch and grimaced; he had to be back at work in twenty minutes, and in ten of which his bus would show up. He began to clean up his files, organizing the papers carefully, all too aware of Shepard watching him.

“What time do you get off of work tonight?”

Not expecting the question in the slightest, Kaidan’s head snapped up in surprise, his movements freezing with him.

“‘Get off of work’?” Kaidan repeated dumbly, and at Shepard’s patient - if not completely amused - nod, he quickly continued, “Seven-thirty, usually.”

Shepard’s face lit up. “Have any plans tonight?”

“Not yet, no,” Kaidan smiled. His face was quickly warming with embarrassment, but Shepard’s cheeks gained some red to them too, so it wasn’t all bad.

“There’s a movie playing tonight, and since my sister can’t make it I have an extra ticket. Would you want to go to the eight o’clock showing of-”

Whatever Shepard was going to say was interrupted by Kaidan, who had made the mistake of leaning in a little closer to pick up all the important details, and succeeded in knocking over his half-full mug of coffee. The sound of shattering ceramic and the lukewarm splash of coffee on their shoes quickly distracted both Shepard and Kaidan, who apologized profusely while Shepard waved it away with a light laugh.

“I’ve been dropping stuff a lot lately, Kaidan, don’t worry,” Shepard assured him. Jacob had already appeared with a mop, and both Kaidan and Shepard picked up the bigger fragments of Kaidan’s mug - a dark red one with a star - to throw away, leaving the smaller fragments to be picked up by a broom once the area was dry.

They threw away the pieces into the trash bin beside the employee room, and Shepard slipped behind the front counter without a word. Kaidan thought the moment to be ruined, a thought that turned his mouth dry, but then he watched as Shepard grabbed a styrofoam cup, wrote something suspiciously long on the side, then began the process of making Kaidan’s usual iced coffee.

A smile spread across his face, unbidden, but Kaidan didn’t bother to fight it as he placed his files into his briefcase and headed to the front counter to collect his drink.

Shepard was waiting for him, looking pleased with himself as Kaidan placed his credit chit on the counter for Shepard to bring up his drink. While he did so, Kaidan took the time to casually read what was inscribed on his drink:

_ I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? _

“Sure, Shepard.”

“Wait. Really?”

“Really. I wouldn’t want to give you an allergic reaction.”

Shepard grinned. “I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty, then.”

“Seven-thirty,” Kaidan agreed, and he felt his euphoric smile match Shepard’s.

* * *

Kaidan was startled out of his daydreaming by a sudden snapping of fingers by his ear. He managed to refrain himself from jumping out of his seat and was unsurprised to see Ashley grinning at him. She had a horrible habit of scaring him half to death when he was distracted, and in the end, she was the only one amused by the entire thing.

“Got any plans tonight, LT?” Ashley leaned one hip against his desk, crossing her arms across her chest expectantly. It made Kaidan feel like he was in elementary school again, with his teacher standing over him after another student accused him of shocking them. He realized he had, later, when his biotics fully developed, but there was still the uncomfortable scrutiny that made Kaidan slightly shift his weight in his chair, decades later.

“Yeah. I’m going to a movie-”

Ashley gasped, cutting Kaidan off, and excitedly clapped her hands. Which captured the attention of all their co-workers.

“You’re going with Shepard, aren’t you? You’re going on a date with Shepard!”

Kaidan had never wanted to hurt one of his friends, but suddenly he wanted to throw Ashley into an active volcano. His face certainly heated like it was being consumed by lava.

“Ah, Hell,” James groaned from the desk across the aisle. Ashley held out her hand with a flourish, and James pulled out his wallet with a collection of grumbled Spanish curses. Kaidan watched the transaction with a slack jaw.

Did they  _ bet  _ on him? Him and Shepard?

Then, of course, the wording sunk it. “Hey! It’s not a  _ date _ , Williams!”

Ashley was neatly counting her stack of twenty dollar bills, but paused to give him an incredulous look. She gave the same look of disbelief to James, then Miranda, before turning back to him.

“Not a date? LT, I love you, but you’re an idiot.”

Kaidan began to protest, but then someone did it for him.

“Williams, cut Alenko some slack,” Miranda spoke up. All eyes turned to her, and she returned Ashley's gaze with unwavering authority. “You know Shepard is preoccupied lately, doesn’t seem like him to go on dates the way he is now.”

“Thank you, Miranda,” Kaidan said. His stomach twisted at this whole conversation, and with five minutes until seven-thirty, the last thing he wanted was to end up being too tense and distracted to simply enjoy a movie with a friend - because that’s what it all was. A movie with Shepard, his friend.

Ashley huffed but said nothing else, instead choosing to slip back to her desk and ignoring James’s inquiry as to whether or not she actually won their bet.

Kaidan himself focused on finishing his report, and as soon as he finished typing the last sentence it was time to go. He tried not to pack up too quickly because Ashley was giving a knowing look as she innocently sipped her mug of coffee, but he was still clocked out and exiting the station much sooner than he usually did.

Of course, waiting for him right outside, was Shepard. Kaidan almost didn’t see him at first; he was sitting on the station’s bench, casually scrolling through his smartphone.

“Hey,” Shepard greeted. He stood, stretching, and Kaidan quickly did a once over of Shepard’s outfit. He looked.. really, really good. He was wearing a dark red shirt and jeans, the same thing he wore at the cafe that afternoon, but in the darker lighting outside and the leather jacket he wore, he looked different. More like Shepard, if that would make any sense because his hair was more disheveled and he had a more content aura rather than his usual excited energy.

“Hey,” Kaidan replied. He was becoming more aware of his own outfit - which was thankfully not his police officer uniform, he wasn’t scheduled for anything today rather than paperwork duty - which consisted of a simple blue t-shirt and jeans, paired with a blue sweatshirt. It was a relief to realize he wasn’t horribly underdressed; if anything, Shepard’s jacket was the only piece of clothing that seemed very, well, fancy.

“After I left I realized I never told you what we would go watch,” Shepard pointed out. Kaidan noticed that he tucked his hands into his pockets, although it wasn’t cold enough for an action, then he realized Shepard was nervous. 

“Alright. What are we watching?”  _ What’s causing you to be so suspicious? _ Kaidan thought.

“Uh…  _ thenewBlastomovie _ ,” Shepard mumbled quickly. Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh, though it wasn’t meant to ridicule, rather it was a surprised and very delighted sound that caused a certain looseness in Shepard’s shoulders.

“I heard it was good,” Kaidan assured him, and Shepard smiled.

“I did too.” Shepard began to walk towards the parking lot and Kaidan trailed after him, getting distracted by Shepard more than he should have, he knew.

“Sounds good?” Shepard asked, twisting his head back to look at Kaidan. Who unfortunately had no clue what Shepard was talking about.

“I… I didn’t catch that, sorry,” Kaidan stuttered. Shepard didn’t seem to mind at all, which seemed to be a reaction engraved into him. He was just so easygoing that it threw Kaidan into a loop most of the time.

Now wasn’t an exception, of course.

“I said that the show’s not until 8:10, so we have time to catch dinner. I was thinking pizza. Sounds good?”

“Sounds great, actually, I’m starving.” As if on cue, his stomach growled lowly, and Shepard laughed, waving Kaidan towards a car parked closest to them. Kaidan was surprised to see that it was an older car, with scratches in the black paint and a faded pair of red and white stripes running across the side. It was a very modest car, and suddenly it made sense that a man like Shepard would have a car like this.

“I know this great Italian place on the same plaza as the theater, and they have a quick wait.” Shepard slid into his car and Kaidan followed, pleasantly surprised by the lingering warmth of the interior and its leather seats. It was cozy, definitely, and even as Kaidan pulled the seatbelt across his chest to buckle himself in, the texture was worn and familiar.

Shepard buckled himself in as well, twisting the key in the ignition. There was an initial guttural growl that made the entire car shake, but it evened out to a low almost purr as Shepard backed up and began to drive.

Although he would call his train of thought crazy later, he decided that Shepard was a lot like his car: modest, old but reliable, and more importantly the smell of coffee that made Kaidan crazy. It was also so comfortable in terms of familiarity, like Kaidan knew for lifetimes that Shepard had a habit of drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and always ran his hand through his hair at red lights - only red lights, never stop signs or yellow lights or any other type of stopping or slowing down - and watched Kaidan much more than the road which should be worrying yet…

Kaidan was staring too. Trying to figure out why he always felt like he knew Shepard longer than he really had.

“Do you like pepperoni?” Shepard asked suddenly, switching the topic from Kaidan’s coworkers to something a lot more simple. Pizza toppings. A total cakewalk.

“Not on pizza, no,” Kaidan replied, and Shepard nodded.

“Me neither. I like bacon, though. Sometimes plain cheese.”

“Ever tried pineapple?”

“Are you kidding?” Shepard’s jaw had dropped, and he alternated between watching the road and staring widely at Kaidan. “That’s fruit!”

“Isn’t tomato a fruit? And that makes tomato sauce into a type of fruit sauce?”

“A tomato is a fruit, yeah. But it really doesn’t count! And I can give several good reasons why, all of which backed up by scientific studies.”

“Okay, then go ahead.” Kaidan crossed his arms and leaned back into his seat. He turned his gaze out the windshield, where the twinkling of lights left him feeling more at ease than he would have ever dreamed of feeling.

Next to him, Shepard spluttered, “Right now? Alright! For starters, it’s not just tomato in the sauce, you know?” When Kaidan didn’t immediately reply in the affirmative, Shepard frowned, “You are listening, right?”

Kaidan shot him a reassuring smile.

“Of course, Shep. I’m always listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A more lighthearted chapter before things get rough next week. I am so sorry in advance and don't worry, things will definitely get better! It just takes some time!
> 
> Thank you all so so much for your responses to this story, from the kudos and comments to the nice message I received the other day, you're all awesome for reading this story and telling me about how you enjoyed it. It's a really great thing to see!
> 
> Another thing: I am planning another story with these two, only it'll take place post-war. It follows Shepard and Kaidan as they try to find a sense of normality, but they keep facing obstacles that only get worse (specifically Shepard). I would like to know if you guys have a third-person perspective preference? Kaidan's POV, Shepard's, or both (as in alternating with each chapter in a certain pattern)?
> 
> Next scheduled update: Saturday, March 19th, 3:00 pm EST.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Time to Date™... or Time to Awkwardly Say It's Not A Date When It Is™. Also, more plot development... whatever that is...
> 
> (As an apology for the late update, nothing sad this chapter! Just a lot of dumb idiots in love pretending not to be in love and teasing from Ashley. So the usual.)

Going to a kid’s movie was the worst decision in the world, Kaidan decided.

It wasn’t even because of the hordes of loud and energetic kids that ran around, and they quickly gained the annoying habit of bumping into both Kaidan and Shepard. Holding a conversation with a date -  _ friend _ , Kaidan quickly reminded himself - was nearly impossible when small children kept slamming into them and darted away before either of them could react properly.

A pair of giggling little Asari girls even knocked Shepard over, and the poor barista was forced to endure a long, senseless complaint by the girls’ mother with a pained smile. When Kaidan tried to intervene, Shepard had stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze to silently reassure him that interfering wasn’t necessary.

Kaidan dutifully kept his mouth shut, frowning. Watching Shepard being scolded for nothing didn’t sit well with him at all, although Shepard didn’t look insulted in the slightest. In fact, he was surprisingly polite while he listened. Kaidan caught himself staring at Shepard in surprise, and quickly turned to shoot the offended mother a glare.

After fifteen minutes of ranting and countless threats to call over a manager, the mother finally grabbed her daughters’ hands and tugged them out of the theater lobby. Kaidan glanced at Shepard and was pleased to see his frown; at least he became angry, even if it wasn’t in front of the mother. It was nice to see that although he was diplomatic, Shepard wasn’t entirely blind to just how unwarranted that entire one-sided dispute was.

“That was weird,” Shepard said mildly. Kaidan huffed in agreement and found himself on the receiving end of one of Shepard’s small but bright smiles. It was like the exchange of a secret, having that smile aimed towards him despite the hollering of children and the sound of small pounding feet against the carpet.

And Kaidan smiled back.

* * *

“Hey, pass the Skittles.”

Absorbed by the movie, Kaidan didn’t hear Shepard at first. He was busy wondering how the director got an elcor to actually laugh; it was a very well-incorporative sound for the scene, one that initially fooled Kaidan into thinking the elcor actually laughed. Quite frankly, it was a horrifying sound, and one that made a little boy near the front section burst into tears. Perhaps that’s why Kaidan consider it to be real, because who in their right minds would give such a terrifying laugh to Blasto’s comrade on purpose?

Then again, the movie franchise’s main character was a hanar…

Something brushed across Kaidan’s chest, and he gasped in surprise. There was the crinkling of paper and the rustle of candy and Shepard quickly retracted his arm. Even in the dark theater, Kaidan could see the mirth lighting up his features.

Two mothers turned back to face them in disapproval, and both Kaidan and Shepard simultaneously whispered their apologies. Kaidan waited for them to turn around again before shooting Shepard a puzzled look.

“What was that about?” Kaidan murmured. He kept glancing at the pair of mothers in front of him, who were busy getting their kids to sit still, thankfully. They were already treated with a rant by one mother, and they didn’t need two more only twenty minutes later.

“I asked for the Skittles but you didn’t pass them over,” Shepard replied. His voice was just a little louder than a whisper, but miraculously the mothers were distracted by something one of their kids did.

“Sorry, I was actually watching the movie,” Kaidan whispered. Just because Shepard got lucky didn’t mean he would too.

“I was distracted,” Shepard protested. He seemed to realize his own random fortune as well, and his voice grew quieter.

“By what? Candy? We just ate.” Trying and failing to keep a stern tone, Kaidan ended up smiling softly. They did just eat at the pizza parlor down the square, and Kaidan had only chosen Skittles as his snack only because Shepard insisted. The movies weren’t the same without expensive candy, he’d insisted, and Kaidan bought Skittles with a roll of his eyes.

“Among other things.” Shepard suddenly averted his gaze to the pair of women in front of them and grimaced.

Immediately, Kaidan understood. With a blush spreading across his cheeks, Kaidan was grateful for both Shepard’s changed point of attention and the darkness of the theater. So grateful, in fact, that he didn’t realize what captured Shepard’s attention in the first place.

The mothers stood up, grabbing their kids and muttering, and Shepard followed suit. He gently tugged on Kaidan’s sweatshirt, effectively snapping him from his embarrassment - for now, at least. Kaidan stood and the pair collected their remaining candy and soda before making their way out of the screening room.

As soon as they were met by the lobby’s bright fluorescent lights, the door to the theater closing softly, Kaidan shot Shepard a questioning look. They had barely watched an hour of the movie, and the average Blasto movie was over two hours. Not that Kaidan was heartbroken over leaving the film before it finished; he would never regret being spared from watching a hanar crack terrible monotone jokes and hear laugh tracks play over and over again despite the appearance of a joke or otherwise.

It was Shepard he was concerned about. He had seemed so excited to watch the movie, and he’d admitted to Kaidan that he had watched the dozen other movies prior to the recent release. To simply leave was an action that left Kaidan’s stomach twisting itself in knots with worry.

Was it Kaidan’s fault? Perhaps Shepard realized how much interest Kaidan lacked in the movie, or saw his throwaway flirting line as a step Kaidan labeled as ‘too far’.

Yet in the brighter environment, Kaidan could see the laughter etched into Shepard’s features. He didn’t seem to be an ounce of upset, and the smile he gave Kaidan was the most beautifully relieving thing he had ever seen.

“The kid in front of us threw up. I wanted to leave before we started to really smell it,” Shepard explained. Kaidan stared at him for half of a heartbeat, incredulous, before realizing the sincerity and insanity of it all and bursting into laughter.

Shepard easily joined in, and the pair didn’t falter despite the glares from the same mothers who sat in front of them, and the lobby full of people staring at them.

* * *

Ashley jumped on him the second he came into work the following morning.

“LT! How’d it go? How awkward was it? Did you go back to his place?” Ashley wiggled her eyebrows at the last part, and Kaidan cursed every molecule in his body when his cheeks heated up.

“It went fine, Ash,” Kaidan replied. It was a vast understatement, though. Kaidan hadn’t been happier than the short few hours he spent with Shepard. His heart rate kicked up slightly at the memory of it all, from listening to Shepard passionately rant over pizza toppings to the realization that he was being watched more closely than a film about a cop hanar. Of course, the highlight had been the ride back to Kaidan’s hotel, but he would die before providing the conversation details to  _ Ashley _ , of all people.

“You’re not telling me something! He’s not telling me something, James!” Ashley shouted. Kaidan rolled his eyes and ruffled Ashley’s hair as he passed her. She instantly huffed, following him on his heels as he made his way to his desk. He planned to sit in his chair and actually work, ignoring any and all questions and prods from Ashley, but his seat was already occupied.

“James, get out of my seat,” Kaidan sighed. James crossed his arms defiantly, kicking back to place his crossed ankles on the surface of Kaidan’s desk. Kaidan should have know better, honestly, but a part of him still hoped that his coworkers could scrounge an ounce of maturity for once.

He glanced over his shoulder, saw Ashley waiting with her own arms crossed, and decided to give in. The faster he complied, the faster he could get some work done before his appointment at noon.

“What do you want to know?” He sighed. He had a feeling that he would do a lot of that today.

Ashley clapped her hands excitedly. “What movie theater did you go to? Where did you guys sit?”

“Citadel Cinema. And in the very back row.”

Ashley’s jaw dropped. Even James looked surprised, but it was quickly being exchanged for a more sly expression that made Kaidan suspicious.

“Who chose the back row?” Ashley asked. Kaidan did not find any humor in watching a grin spread across her features.

“Shepard,” Kaidan said shortly. He really, really wanted to be working right now. Instead, he repressed the reflex to shift his weight in his discomfort. Ashley actually squealed with delight, and Kaidan briefly considered quitting his job and taking a train to another city far, far away from Citadel.

(Unfortunately, the idea died upon the realization that there would never be another Citadel, and therefore never another  _ Normandy  _ and a certain red-haired barista.)

“So, whose place did you guys go to?” Ashley was smugger that Kaidan had ever seen, and he had a feeling his next answer could quite possibly be the start of the next World War at the rate her excitement was growing at.

“Shepard dropped me off at my place, then left to go to his own place. Alone.” That wasn’t entirely a lie. It wasn’t entirely the truth, either.

The truth was that Shepard accepted Kaidan’s offer to come into his room for a moment to look over a new file Kaidan discovered about the prank calls. He came in and reviewed the file carefully. He regretfully informed Kaidan that he didn’t have any information about the Illusive Man or any of the other calls, and seemed horrified at the news of another prank call and the resulting robbery.

“He has a pattern,” Shepard had pointed out.

“Yes, but the station can’t ignore every call that comes in because it might be a prank. It happens at different intervals and times,” Kaidan had countered.

“That’s true.” Shepard studied the mass of notes and files covering mostly every available surface, then gave Kaidan an appreciative look. “You’re smart and experienced, though. You’ll find them.”

After a beat, Shepard added softly, “I believe that you can.”

The truth also was that Kaidan had wanted to kiss Shepard, right then and there. He wanted to know if Shepard’s mouth tasted like coffee and Skittles since the two smells lingered in the air long after Shepard excused himself and left the hotel room.

The truth overall was that something had changed. The resulting consequences were still an unknown variable of the entire event, and Kaidan couldn’t risk everything by telling Ashley because the news would travel back to Shepard so quickly that Kaidan might as well drive to the Normandy right now and confess his crush.

Since he had no plans on doing that, he distracted Ashley with the story of how Shepard passionately defended tomato sauce on pizza, and when the pair finally left him to his work his heart beat in a silent prayer to any listening deities for him to survive this day.

* * *

Anderson had found a lead.

The call was perfectly timed if Kaidan was honest. He had just finished filing his regular reports and considered taking his lunch break to the  _ Normandy  _ for coffee and a lot of staring at the same files on the prank call investigation. He had caught himself staring at his near-empty cup of iced coffee - or more accurately, the writing scrawled on the side:

_ What's your favorite silverware? Because I like to spoon! _

Just as Kaidan stood, prepared to tell Ashley to cover him as he took his lunch break, Anderson appeared by his desk. He was in plainclothes, surprisingly; Kaidan didn’t argue at Ashley's whispered speculation that Anderson spent his entire day in his uniform, even when he went grocery shopping. That in itself was a feat, considering the paranoid looks fellow customers and employees would give a uniformed police officer.

“Alenko. We’ve received information about your investigation. Change into your civilian clothes and I’ll pull a car around the front for you. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” At the mention of his case - both the fact that it was his, his very first solo case and he also didn’t have to deal with the same simple and vague reports for another hour break - he felt excitement course through his nerves.

It felt long overdue to receive some answers.

That, and he could image the joyful look on Shepard’s face when he also received some answers, and hopefully some closure as well. The most rewarding part besides stopping the robberies would be to erase the tension that edged Shepard’s shoulders whenever the calls were mentioned. Some piece of mind would be the kindest gift Kaidan could offer, he knew.

This development could be part of the change Kaidan had felt all day and all of the night before, too.

Even the possibility of such change caused Kaidan to smile as he went to the men’s locker room and quickly changed from his police uniform into a simple black t-shirt and jeans. The simplest of civilian clothes, as James called it.

Shepard believed in him, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I updated later than I wanted to and I am so very sorry, it was killing me knowing I missed the scheduled time. But even when I missed the update you guys still read and left kudos and comments! It was a lovely thing to see, especially when we reached over 100 kudos! Thank you all so much for reading this story and sticking around, you're all the greatest readers a writer could ask for <3
> 
> Again, nothing sad this chapter. But next week... sorry guys... but then it turns cute so you're welcome :D As for my other story, I was thinking of posting it next week as well? It's not set in stone at all, just a guess, but I am excited to write it! It's called 'The Gilded Hand' and it's a post-Destroy ending fic featuring both Kaidan and Shepard's POVs (thank you for the responses!). I am mostly focusing on this story, but I won't promise that I won't work on the other fic as well.
> 
> Thank you all for the comments, kudos, and reads! Lots of love to all of you! <3
> 
> Next scheduled update: Saturday, April 2nd, 3:00 pm EST. (Hopefully...)


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this very, very long chapter (honestly probably the longest one yet) Kaidan and Anderson be police officers/detectives, and find an unexpected surprise waiting for them.

“What was the information you received, sir?”

This was the first time Kaidan was able to ask, once they pulled out of the parking lot of the police station and began to drive. The very first words Anderson said to Kaidan once he slid in the car was to order him to buckle up and ‘look casual for God’s sake’. Kaidan had fumbled to click the seatbelt in place and was too flushed at the amused look on Anderson’s face to say anything at first.

Now, Anderson had taken the ramp onto the interstate, where the sight of dozens of motionless tail-lights greeted them. Anderson cursed to himself as he joined the ranks. Kaidan felt himself settle into the passenger seat in anticipation of a long traffic jam, and he had finally gathered the courage to ask the question bothering him the moment Anderson mentioned it.

At first, Anderson didn’t answer. He had heard it, Kaidan knew, because a thoughtful look passed over his face, and he quietly drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. The three-tap rhythm served only to make Kaidan more anxious, and he tried to discreetly shift in his seat while he waited for him to answer.

“We got an address. Shepard said Illusive brought an associate with him for coffee this morning and paid with a credit card. They left a business card on their table when they left.”

Kaidan didn’t even have to ask about the business card because Anderson reached into his chest pocket and pulled out a piece of cardstock paper. He handed it to Kaidan, who eagerly took it and began to examine the front:

**CERBERUS**

_ Helping Humanity Since 2001 _

2157 Horsehead Road

“Helping humanity?” Kaidan questioned. He flipped the card over, then turned it back to the front, concerned by the lack of detail the yellow, white, and black business card displayed. He had never heard of that address.

Then again, the farthest location he had ever visited in Citadel was the movie theater.

“Cerberus wasn’t on the community database since they’re outside the city. As far as we know they never had business in the city.” Anderson’s tone made it clear that he did not believe that. Honestly, neither did Kaidan, since the station was due for another prank call anytime soon and having another person in the investigation was too big of a coincidence for Kaidan’s taste.

“Who is Illusive’s friend?” Kaidan offered Anderson the Cerberus card back, but Anderson waved it away and Kaidan slipped in into his wallet for safekeeping.

“A bastard named Kai Lang. We don’t know much about him except that he has a record. A very violent one, since he was a teenager. He was accused of killing his mother, but he wasn’t convicted. All the details are in his file.”

Anderson nodded to the glove compartment. Kaidan helped himself and retrieved the surprisingly thin manila folder, noting the simple script of the file’s label. No middle initial.

This guy truly was somewhat of a mystery. That didn’t exactly help them, though. Walking into an unknown sector to interrogate a dangerous and mysterious man was possibly one of the worst ideas Kaidan had ever gone along with, and he had gone through a  _ lot _ .

Like running away from his hometown and former wife, for example.

Mentally shaking the cobwebbed memories from his mind, Kaidan flipped open the file.

The first thing that greeted him was a picture of who Kaidan assumed was Kai Lang; the image was grainy, most likely from a cheaper type of security system that most of the restaurants in Citadel would use. He wasn’t notably tall, but he was built with lean muscle, as far as Kaidan could tell.

Lang was staring directly at the security camera, and luckily his actual face wasn’t completely blurred. It allowed Kaidan to examine Lang’s facial features carefully: dark sunglass obscured his eyes, and his face was rendered meticulously emotionless, but the slight upwards tilt of his eyebrows betrayed Lang's surprise at being caught.

A seasoned criminal, then. Not one that had too much experience, but just enough where he thought he had an easy, thorough mission, and was taken by surprise when he realized the opposite. Cocky criminals like Kai Lang could be caught easily, and something akin to relief settled in Kaidan’s chest at the realization.

One of their first suspects and he could be caught. They could end the prank calls and robberies.

If only they could move throughout the traffic fast enough to actually  _ get  _ to Cerberus and Kai Lang.

Anderson seemed to share Kaidan’s impatience, because he was tapping the steering wheel more insistently, scanning the lanes of cars with frustration.

Hoping to distract himself, Kaidan turned back to the file in his hands, flipping past the photo to begin reading the notes behind it.

Most of Lang’s record file was frustratingly vague, nevermind his personal file. Nobody knew his true age, his place of birth, or his weight and height beyond the time he was arrested for trespassing in an abandoned Citadel warehouse three years prior.

In fact, the only fully recorded event was dated over twenty-five years ago. East Citadel police department responded to a call from a panicked neighbor that her neighbor’s young son knocked on her door covered in blood. Later, the paramedics would discover that not an ounce of the crimson staining his clothes actually belonged to the young Kai Lang, but to his parents, who laid murdered in their bed.

Kaidan, feeling sick at the entire account, flipped the page to read on. The next page featured a transcript from the police interviewing Kai Lang the day after his parents were discovered dead. A note at the top of the page noted who was present for the interaction, and Kaidan’s heart skipped a beat when a familiar name caught his attention.

“Anderson?” Kaidan questioned. He had planned to divulge in more details once he caught the man’s attention, but apparently that wasn’t necessary because Anderson spoke up before Kaidan had the chance to explain anything.

“I was only a rookie on the force, but I was working the night shift, and Captain Hackett thought it was best if I was there.” Anderson hadn’t even glanced at Kaidan during that entire explanation, staring at the dark red minivan in front of them intently. He had stopped tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, instead resting his hands loosely on the bottom grips.

Wisely, Kaidan left it at that for now, scanning the transcript itself for any useful information held from him. Overall, it appeared that Kai Lang was too traumatized to give anything useful to Anderson and Hackett that night, instead choosing to say short, one-word answers and asking for water or soda during the entire three-minute interview.

After the transcript was a paper with the summarized compilation of all of Kai Lang’s court dates and, in the few cases, the time he served in prison.

The last court date and summary caught his attention.

“Lang paid bail for second-degree trespassing?” Kaidan started to flip back to the appropriate entry, catching Anderson's thoughtful nod from the corner of his eye.

“He did. The first time, $350. I still don’t know exactly where the money came from, but I can take a guess.” Anderson tilted his head at the direction they were crawling towards, and Kaidan hummed in agreement. Illusive Man and Kai Lang having a partnership certainly wasn’t surprising when they accounted for the fact that Illusive paid Lang’s bail. Debts weren’t an uncommon occurrence for most criminal partnerships.

Satisfied with the breakthrough, Kaidan flipped through the file one final time before softly snapping it shut and surveying their status. They had probably moved a mere twenty feet since Kaidan took out Lang’s file, and he assumed they had many more feet to go by the way Anderson resumed his impatient tapping.

For a few minutes, the pair sat in silence, slowly trudging through the traffic jam. Kaidan managed to block out most of Anderson’s tapping as he stared out the car window. A few raindrops were beginning to slide down the glass, tickling like tears, and Kaidan watched them with idle fascination as they collided towards the bottom and grew into a single fat drop.

What should have been the most interesting time in his life had quickly turned dull to the point where he was engrossed in the simple movement of raindrops.

It was a relief when Anderson broke the silence, but not for long.

“Williams mentioned that you went to the movies last night.”

Kaidan felt his heart stutter in horror and hoped his internal grimace didn’t make an appearance in reality. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, and as casually as possible he replied, “Yes, sir. I saw Blasto 13 with Shepard.”

“Williams mentioned that as well.” Anderson nodded. Casually. Kaidan was sure he would have a heart attack, right here in Anderson’s well-kept vehicle. He was going to get the ‘Dating Talk’ from  _ Anderson  _ about  _ Shepard  _ when they weren’t even dating. They were friends doing stuff friends do.

Desperate to salvage anything out of this conversation, Kaidan stuttered out, “Shepard invited me to see the movie since his sister couldn’t make it that night.”

To Kaidan’s absolute horror, Anderson began to chuckle. He was laughing, but hopefully, it was the type of laugh someone has when they realize their own mistake, and not when they’re laughing at a very embarrassed employee’s weak defense.

After a moment, Anderson finished laughing, shaking his head with an expression full of amusement, and gave Kaidan a smile.

“Son, Shepard’s sister has been deployed overseas for two years. There’s no chance she could make it any night unless it’s two more years from now.”

Anderson thankfully let that revelation hang in the air and turned back towards the road, which was slowly but steadily gaining speed.

Kaidan stared out the passenger side window, willing the blush creeping up his neck to vanish. Shepard didn’t have to buy an extra ticket for his sister - or an extra ticket at all. Yet he did, and out of all the people he knew, Shepard asked  _ Kaidan  _ to go with him. The memory of wanting to kiss Shepard in his hotel room didn’t fade from his mind, and Kaidan wiped a hand across his lips to try and discourage the tingling sensation lingering behind.

The feeling that he was going to die in Anderson’s car from a heart attack also didn’t fade as they continued to drive, and neither did the blush shading his cheeks.

* * *

_ 2157 Horsehead Road _ was the address of a relatively smaller building on the outskirts of Citadel, where there was more boarded up businesses than ones actually operating.

At first, it was a very unsuspecting little place. Besides the bars on the windows, however, but Kaidan forgave that when he realized all the buildings on this block had thick metal bars protecting from thieves. This district appeared to be notorious for criminal activity and poverty’s finest victims.

The front side’s brick exterior was painted over with white, yellow, and black colors, and the paint job looked surprisingly fresh. A well-kept place, then, at least on the outside.

Anderson pulled over and parked, making sure to lock the doors when they both climbed out. Kaidan followed after Anderson as the older man made his way to the door. A simple ‘Open’ sign greeted them, as well as a tinkering bell when Anderson pushed the door open.

As soon as Kaidan stepped inside, the smell of smoke and onion hit him. Someone was cooking in the back, and not very well. It was also dark in the open room, the only light from the windows.

Together, Anderson and Kaidan swept the front room to ensure it was truly empty. Several tables with chairs were scattered about, complete with placemats, plates, and silverware prepared for any customers. It was suspiciously dusty on all surfaces, and the amount of dust warned Kaidan that no one had used this entrance in a long while.

Anderson seemed to share the sinking feeling of unease, because he held up two fingers pressed together and motioned to the door on the far right of the room, mostly engulfed in shadows. Kaidan nodded silently in acknowledgment.

Guns drawn, the pair moved to the door, Kaidan leading them. He paused before turning the door handle, listening for any clues to what awaited them. He noted soft voices on the other side, although he couldn’t distinguish between the voices well enough to tell how many people there were. There was also the sound of shuffling feet and the occasional clinking of metal on metal, which Kaidan assumed was a spoon against a metal pot. Still, he couldn’t be sure until he actually opened the door and investigated.

He nodded shortly, and when he felt Anderson tap his shoulder in confirmation he pushed open the door, raising his gun.

The movement was met by several screams. Kaidan caught a blur out of the corner of his eye and turned his head quickly.

He ducked, the crack of a bullet against the door’s wooden surface reminding Kaidan to move to avoid being shot at again. He lunged forwards, sliding behind an old leather sofa just as another gunshot rang in the air.

The feeling of electricity spread across Kaidan’s skin as he activated his biotic shields, and he silently said a prayer before peeking his head out to assess the situation.

Anderson had wisely ducked back into the front room, taking cover just behind the doorframe, and they shared a look of disbelief at the sudden turn of events before Kaidan turned to size up their attacker.

Who was nothing like the dangerous Kai Lang, whom he had expected. A short and skinny young woman, probably around her mid-twenties, clutched a pistol in a vice grip, her arms trembling, as she pressed her back against an old refrigerator. She was angled so that Kaidan could just make out her face, and he was shocked to see the terrified expression filling her features.

Kaidan glanced around, briefly, and noted that a group of even younger girls, around their early twenties, were huddled together in the corner, trying to press themselves behind the cover of an ancient-looking stove. A large pot sat on top of one of the burners, abandoned in the sudden firefight.

All of them were dressed in clothes smeared with dirt and dust, and Kaidan had a feeling that this was all a terrible misunderstanding in an even worse situation. A situation that was far, far worse than what they expected.

Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Kaidan made sure he was safely behind cover once more before calling out gently, “My name is Kaidan Alenko. I’m a police officer in Citadel. I promise you that I don’t want to hurt you girls, okay?”

He let the declaration hang in the air, counting the seconds in rhythm with his pounding heartbeat. His hands were sweating a little, but Kaidan wasn’t comfortable with releasing his gun to wipe them on his pants, so he prayed he wouldn’t be drenched in sweat by the end of this and continued to silently wait for either a surrendering or another attack. Any type of action that would help him react appropriately.

After a long, tense moment, a shaking and heavily accented voice called back, “Ok, I’m putting down my gun, please don’t shoot us.”

“I promise you we won’t,” Kaidan assured her. He waited until he heard the sound of metal against the hardwood flooring before announcing that he would stand up now.

Slowly raising both arms above his head, showing the women the gun, he slowly stood up. Thankfully, he wasn’t shot at, and he warned them that he would holster his weapon to prevent the woman closest from attacking him in fear that he would hurt them.

“My partner, Anderson, is in the next room. If he puts away his gun, may he join us?” Kaidan chose to address the woman previously holding the gun. She seemed to be both the eldest and the ringleader of the terrified group of women.

“Yes, slowly,” the woman replied. She studied Kaidan with sharp eyes, and Kaidan did the same to her. Paired with the thick accent, the woman appeared to be German. She was surprisingly put together compared to the other women, her blonde hair pulled back neatly and her clothes less wrinkled and dirt-smudged.

Slowly, Anderson edged into the room, weapon holstered and his hands in the air and the woman nodded in approval. Yet she turned back to Kaidan to speak.

“My name is Sofia,” she informed him. Her dark eyes shifted to the group of cowering women in the corner, and her expression softened. She looked back to Kaidan with pleading eyes. “Are you here to help?”

“Yes,” Kaidan replied. “We can take you all to the Citadel police station. You’ll be safe, I promise.”

Sofia nodded. Turning to the group, she informed them, “Officers Alenko and Anderson will help us. We don’t need to stay here anymore.”

Hesitantly, the group stood up and shuffled towards the room’s only door, where Anderson patiently waited with a kind smile.

While he herded them out the door and called for backup to drive them all there, Kaidan found himself engulfed in Sofia’s embrace. Surprised, Kaidan gently hugged her back. She pulled back after a moment, her eyes shining with unshed, but relieved tears.

“Thank you, Officer Alenko. I apologize for shooting at you, but I thought you were someone else.”

“Who, Sofia?” Kaidan asked softly. He pulled a tissue out of the travel package in his pocket and offered it to her. She gave him a watery smile and wiped away the moisture around her eyes.

“Thank you. Some bastard named Kai Lang, I think.” She shook her head angrily. “You don’t catch someone’s name when they take you from your home. I know exactly what he looks like, though, if that will help.”

“Of course,” Kaidan nodded. He slowly reached out, giving her time to retreat, before gently squeezing her shoulder to reassure her. “You’re all safe now, Sofia. You did the right thing to protect yourself and them.”

Sofia bit her lip, and she looked ready to say something when Anderson appeared in the doorway.

Something in his expression made Kaidan’s heart drop. There were worry and fear lining his features, though he struggled to hide his emotions on his face.

“Sir?” Kaidan questioned. His voice didn’t sound strangled, even though his heart was slowly being squeezed in his chest.

“Vega had to dispatch a police cruiser to the  _ Normandy _ ,” Anderson said solemnly. Kaidan knew the next words, knew that the place was robbed, that _ Shepard was there and in danger. _

“Let’s go, then,” Kaidan said quickly. For the moment, Sofia and the other women were wiped from his mind. Every bone in his body was filled with dread like ice water, his pulse jumping with fear and the desire to see that Shepard was okay.

Shepard had to be okay. There wasn’t another outcome that Kaidan could possibly comprehend.

“We’re not going to the  _ Normandy _ , we’re going to the hospital.” Anderson nodded to Sofia, who remained quiet by Kaidan’s side, watching the exchange with a fearful expression.

“But Shepard-” Kaidan began.

“We can call him from the hospital. These women need medical attention, Alenko, and that’s final. Understand?”

Kaidan swallowed hard.

“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... hopefully the chapter size makes up for the fact that it's a little late... I got really carried away it's horrible I know.
> 
> Next week for SURE things are gonna really pick up, also featuring angst, injury, and Shepard and Kaidan doing the thing we all want them to do (it's not NSFW just Not Safe For Life (TM)). For now, take a lot of plot stuff! Sofia will show up a few times, and right now she's not much, right? Well.... just keep an eye on her.
> 
> Oh, and we ALSO HIT A MAJOR MILESTONE TODAY WITH 1,000 HITS. I yelled a little. A lot. Mostly at my friends Hannah and Zach. A little at my cat. But anyway, thank you all so so much for reading this story. It means so much that you all chose to read this trainwreck, as well as leave kudos and comments! I try to reply, but I get distracted easily, so just know that I've read them at least five times and I will probably print them all out and tape them to my wall because they make me so happy.
> 
> Also, the prologue of The Gilded Hand is being posted tonight, so check that out if you're interested! Thank you all so so much, you all deserve nice weather and soft blankets honestly. <3
> 
> Next scheduled update: Saturday, April 9th, 3:00 pm EST


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this shamefully late chapter, the Worst Thing Ever happens. Oh, and also the Best Thing Ever. Welcome to delayed emotional whiplash, kids.
> 
> (Recommended: The apology and explanation at the end of the chapter.)

“Shit, you cops move slow.”

In the sterilized white waiting room of Huerta Memorial Hospital, the last thing Kaidan expected to see was Jack. Yet there she was, arms crossed securely over her chest as she leaned stiffly against a wall. Which happened to be adjacent to a row of empty chairs, but Kaidan assumed Jack chose to stand because not only did she look uncomfortable, but also nervous.

“Jack? What are you doing here?” Kaidan’s gaze cut across the room, but besides an obviously annoyed receptionist, Jack, Kaidan and Anderson, the waiting room was nearly empty. Save for a quietly chattering couple near the back of the lobby. If Kaidan wasn’t mistaken, Jack had the long shift with Shepard at the  _ Normandy  _ today.

In fact, she was even wearing her uniform, although it was wrinkled to the point of nearly no return without an iron and a few prayers. Not that Kaidan was invested in worrying about how Jack most certainly wouldn’t be ironing her shirt because there had to be a very good reason as to why she wasn’t working right now. According to Shepard, she never missed a day of work.

Speaking of Shepard, where was he? The waiting room wasn’t completely empty, but Kaidan could see that the red-haired barista was nowhere to be seen.

“What? You don’t know?” Jack scoffed. Something got stuck in Kaidan’s throat, a question lodged by dread. He could feel those dreadful jolts of fear tangling in his ribcage, wrapping around his heart and squeezing it.

Well, if he was going to have a heart attack, a hospital was certainly the place to have it.

“Know what?” Anderson spoke up. He had moved to stand beside Kaidan, and in the absence of a verbal response, had taken it upon himself to ask the question that Kaidan had feared the most.

“Well that’s the last time I ask Vega to do something,” Jack muttered. She surveyed the fear written on Kaidan’s face, and the confused steadiness of Anderson’s before apparently deciding that no, they really had no idea as to why Jack was in the lobby of a hospital.

Not that Kaidan didn’t have his horrible assumptions. All of them taking into account that Shepard wasn’t there, and the tingling fear spreading fast through his bones...

“The  _ Normandy  _ was lit up this morning. Shep, the fucking idiot, needed a little rescuing.”

Kaidan felt like he was plummeting down towards concrete from the top of a building three hundred stories high, with the way his heart dropped. Someone had set fire to the  _ Normandy _ , and they had done it while Shepard was still inside.

Now Jack was standing in a hospital lobby, alone. Well, not entirely; now she was curtly answering questions that Anderson threw at her.

“When?”

“At opening.”

“Where?”

“The  _ Normandy _ .”

“No, I mean where in the cafe?”

“How should I know, I’m not part of CSI - ”

“Where’s Shepard?” Kaidan interrupted. Two pairs of eyes landed on him, one narrowed with anger and the other masked with calm. Anderson turned to look back at Jack, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. Jack took a heartbeat worth of precious time to glare at the senior policeman, all while Kaidan watched her, waiting for the answer.

“I don’t know,” Jack finally muttered. She crossed her arms, realized what she did, then uncrossed them, scowling. “They’re not telling me shit about where they took him.”

Movement caught Kaidan’s eye from his peripheral line of sight, and he glanced over to see the couple shoot Jack a disapproving stare before their eyes caught the flash of the badge on Anderson’s belt and they looked away.

Kaidan wondered why they were here. They didn’t seem sick. Then again, he was here, and the only thing bothering him was the skipping beats of his heart.

“Let’s go, Alenko.” Anderson tapped Kaidan’s shoulder gently, but firmly, an empathetic look lingering on his face before he began making his way to the receptionist's desk. Wordlessly, Kaidan and Jack followed, but not before the latter flipped off  Anderson’s back. When Kaidan caught her eye and frowned, she swerved her arm to aim the offense towards him, grinning.

“Enough back there,” Anderson said lowly. He didn’t turn around, but Jack rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jeans anyway.

Approaching the desk, the receptionist, a middle-aged woman in a pale pink blouse wearing a stern expression, gave Anderson a polite smile; one that turned sour when she spied Jack behind him. Kaidan tried to hide his smile at that.

“Hello, miss,” Anderson greeted. It had the desired effect, and her eyes returned to him. Jack huffed in amusement.

Kaidan looked down to hide his growing smile.

“How may I help you, officer?” She asked kindly, eyes glancing at the gleaming badge on his belt.

“I would like to know the whereabouts of a patient here,” Anderson began, and taking the cue as a bad time, Jack wedged herself in between Anderson and Kaidan to give the receptionist a wicked grin.

A grin that clearly said: I won. It made Kaidan wonder how long they, Jack and the receptionist, were locked in a battle of information exchange. It would be funnier in different circumstances, preferably one where Kaidan could retell it to Shepard and hear the other man laugh.

“If it’s about Mr. Shepard, then I’m sorry, but I can’t say.”

“What?” Jack stubbornly slammed her palms on the counter, returning the narrowed glare aimed towards her by the stern woman. Kaidan, embarrassed, gave her a sheepish smile and spoke up.

“I’m sorry, we’re just worried. Do you know how we could find out?”

Her glare lingered on Jack for a long moment. Finally, the receptionist turned to type on her computer, her fingers flying over the keys. Satisfied, Jack leaned back. She held out a closed fist to Kaidan, who put out his own fist, wary.

Jack bumped her fist against Kaidan’s with a snicker. Kaidan wondered why he didn’t consider how much weirder his day would become.

“We can offer information and a room number to Mr. Shepard’s emergency contacts.” The receptionist tapped a few more keys, then read off the screen, “His contacts are Hannah Shepard, Amorie Shepard, and David Anderson.”

Anderson? Kaidan glanced at him. Apparently, he misunderstood exactly how important Anderson’s relationship to the family was if he was listed with members of Shepard’s actual family.

Both Jack and Anderson looked unsurprised by this, however.

“My name is David Anderson.” Anderson was the picture of polite and charming, and Kaidan watched his boss with quiet appreciation. The receptionist’s eyes even softened from their steely dark gaze, and she requested to see an I.D.

Anderson complied, pulling out his wallet and showing her his driver’s license. Kaidan knew he made sure she saw his law enforcement credentials in the other laminated pocket but only replied to that detail with a touch of a fond smile.

“Very well,” she nodded. She typed several more keys, all the while Kaidan was watching the reflection of the screen in the crystal clear display case hanging on the wall behind her desk. He could only make out the small font of patient information in a list of boxes, as well as a picture of Shepard.

Despite the disfiguration of the glass reflection that morphed the photograph, Kaidan could still make out the familiar red hair, and he smiled.

“Mr. Shepard was admitted this morning for a mild concussion and smoke inhalation,” the receptionist informed them. “His condition is stable, however. He’s in Room 218, on the 5th floor.”

The concern that wrapped itself around Kaidan’s heart somewhat eased at the wording. Shepard wasn’t caught between life and death. In fact, he had his feet planted firmly on the living side of things.

Still, Kaidan would feel better actually seeing him.

“Thank you, for your help,” Anderson said. He left to go ride the elevator to visit Shepard, and Kaidan and Jack scurried after him.

Not before Jack threw a wink over her shoulder at the receptionist, though.

* * *

The door to Room 218 was slightly ajar. As Kaidan and Jack soundlessly followed Anderson’s lead, they could hear the sounds of low conversation and the soft intelligible explosions on a television.

Still, Anderson rapped on the door, waiting for permission to be let in. Kaidan stood behind him, his breath bated with anxiety. Now that he was seconds away from seeing Shepard, his palms grew sweaty and his heartbeat went above the appropriate ‘resting’ rate.

Inside, the conversation ceased, and a pair of soft footsteps moved to the door. It swung open smoothly, and Anderson had to turn his head down to meet the face of the quarian that opened it.

“Tali?” Jack pushed past Anderson to size up the visitor, her expression wary. Although Tali’s face was obscured by her mask, Kaidan sensed that she was pleased by surprising Jack in such a way.

“Jack,” Tali replied. She turned to face Anderson and caught a glimpse of Kaidan behind him. “You must be the Kaidan Shepard was talking about.” 

“How’d you know?” Kaidan asked. He wished he was lucky enough that nobody noticed the nervous undercurrent in his words, but the smirk on Jack’s face and the subtle tilt of Tali’s head proved to him that karma was out to get him when it came to Shepard.

“He provides a lot of detail,” Tali said slyly. Kaidan felt a blush creeping up his neck, and Anderson took the chance to step in.

“We were hoping to visit him before the nurses come by and make us leave,” Anderson explained.

“I think Shepard would like that. I was just leaving, I have to get back to the shop before Joker lets the place burn to the ground.” As soon as she said it, Tali winced. Jack let out a growl and pushed past her, into the room. Anderson apologized on Jack’s behalf, but then he followed her into the room, leaving Tali and Kaidan alone.

“I’m sorry about that,” Tali said. Kaidan didn’t even have a chance to reply before she left, hurrying down the hallway towards the elevators.

For a moment, Kaidan pondered as to the reason why Shepard could have a friend in almost every alien race. It wasn’t that Kaidan was xenophobic, but he just didn’t get the chance to be around aliens long enough to form the type of friendships Shepard seemed to have.

The door to Shepard’s hospital room flew open at that moment, and Kaidan was pulled into the room by a cackling Jack.

He’d have time to think about life’s finer questions later, then.

“Here he is!” Jack announced, pulling Kaidan in the room by several feet before leaving the room completely. Kaidan could hear her snickers even as she walked down the hallway to the elevators.

The hospital room was small, but it was also sparsely decorated. A spotless, bright white dresser rested against one wall, right below the television hanging from the wall. On the adjacent wall was a pair of wide windows framed by thin blue curtains, while the opposite wall of the television had the hospital bed’s headboard pushed against it.

Kaidan wasn’t sure why he was so surprised to see Shepard sitting in said hospital bed, but there wasn’t another label for the drop in his chest. Anderson was having a low, murmured conversation with Shepard, and Kaidan took the moment to note the unusual unruly red hair and the dark circles around Shepard’s eyes. He looked paler, too, against the clean white linen and bright white wall. It didn’t help that there were clean white bandages wrapped around his right wrist since it took Kaidan a moment to detect where the cloth ended and where Shepard’s sickly pale glow began.

Anderson suddenly straightened up, and Kaidan stopped himself from picking apart every detail of Shepard’s condition. For the time being, anyway.

“I’ll talk with you later, Shepard,” Anderson was saying. He clapped Shepard on the shoulder gently, then nodded to Kaidan.

“I will be in the cafeteria. Meet me when you’re done here,” Anderson told him. Kaidan said he would, and suddenly Anderson had left and it was only Kaidan, Shepard, and a muted television in the small room.

For a heartbeat, they only stared at one another.

Finally, Shepard said hoarsely, “I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.”

The laugh that erupted from Kaidan’s throat was choked with tears, and he raised a hand to clasp a hand over his mouth. He didn’t mean to become so emotional, not in front of Shepard, but it was hard when Kaidan felt this much ease and familiarity, and the fearful adrenaline from the thought of losing Shepard and the  _ Normandy  _ left it’s mark on him.

“I’m sorry, come here,” Shepard said. He motioned to the chair next to his bed, slightly shifting his weight so he sat up more.

Soundlessly, still holding his hand over his mouth, Kaidan complied.

Shepard gave him a brilliant smile. “See? I’m okay. I have a headache, but I’m okay.”

Kaidan swallowed past the lump in his throat and removed his hand. He managed a watery smile in return. Shepard was still smiling, still reassuring, but something in his expression shifted, and he glanced at his bandaged hand before asking, “Do you mind passing me that cup of water?”

Kaidan maneuvered to grab the cup of water from the rolling tray table and handed it to Shepard.

He did not expect to have Shepard’s fingers gently curl around the collar of his shirt and pull him in for a kiss, however.

Kaidan initially uttered a surprised hum and tensed up, but then his eyes slid shut and he kissed Shepard back, firmly.

For a heartbeat, Kaidan was melting against the feeling of Shepard’s lips against his own. Every single one of Kaidan’s senses was focused on the proximity of Shepard, wrapped up in the smell of coffee and the warmth radiating off of him.

Shepard pulled back first, with a surprised gasp. Kaidan pulled back as well, falling against the back of his chair. For a terrifying moment, Kaidan was sure that Shepard pulled away in disgust, even if he was the one to initiate the whole impromptu makeup session.

An apology rested on his tongue, but just as he opened his mouth, Shepard held up the cup of water that he had asked for. It was empty now, and Kaidan couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw that in their distracted moment together, the water had spilled from Kaidan’s grasp and caused Shepard to gasp and pull away.

“Sorry,” they both said to one another. They then promptly broke into laughter. The whole thing was a little strange, but it wasn’t a terrible sort of strange. It left Kaidan’s stomach knotted but warm, and he caught himself leaning towards Shepard again.

This time, Shepard met him halfway. For a precious four seconds, they kissed, Shepard humming happily against Kaidan’s lips.

Then, because the universe loved to show Kaidan how much bad luck was on his tab, the sound of a throat clearing made them break apart in a rush.

“I leave for ten minutes and I come back to this?” A nurse stood in the doorway, her hands on her hips. She gave Shepard a stern look, and he smiled back sheepishly. As for Kaidan, he awkwardly shuffled to his feet, stumbling over an embarrassed apology that the nurse waved away with a gentle smile.

“Don’t worry, honey, I’m just bringing Mr. Shepard to his testing. He’ll be here later if you’d like to come back.” Now the nurse had a knowing grin, and the look she gave between Shepard and Kaidan reassured them both that she was thinking exactly what they feared she was thinking.

“Y-Yeah, I’ll do that,” Kaidan replied. He said his goodbyes and left quickly, a flush burning the back of his neck. 

However, as soon as he left the room, he heard the nurse say to Shepard, “You pick some handsome men, Shepard.”

As if Kaidan needed another reason to still be blushing when he met an amused Anderson and Jack at the cafeteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let's get right down to it: I missed the date for an update by... a month. A long, long time, especially when I promised a new one. My excuse is that I have unfortunately fallen out of the Mass Effect fandom, somewhat. I still want to continue writing this story, because I really do love Shepard and Kaidan and everyone who reads this. However, I am getting distracted by new fic ideas in other fandoms (read: Fallout 4).
> 
> Still, that's no excuse to quit. My new plan and update schedule are hopefully going to help me update MIM at a regular interval, but also help me let out all the plot bunnies building up in other fandoms (again: Fallout 4). Now, instead of every Saturday, I am planning to update every two weeks. Still on the weekend, but I am aiming for Sunday instead of Saturday.
> 
> Again, I am so sorry you guys, but I am going to make you proud with better updates. Thank you all so much for the reads, kudos, and comments! They're the reason I haven't quit entirely yet, honestly, so keep them coming, please!
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, May 22nd, 3:00 pm EST


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this plot-irrelevant chapter, two nerds are taking a personal moment. Also, minor revelations happen.

When Kaidan returned to the hospital an hour later, he wasn't alone.

Overall, though, it was definitely for the best. In the short amount of time that Kaidan and Anderson met Shepard in the hospital, news had quickly spread throughout the police station. The pair had returned from the hospital with a patched-up Sofia in tow to find that the entire on-duty police force was waiting for them with an oversized yet overflowing basket.

“Um,” Kaidan said, glancing at Sofia’s incredulous expression, “I didn’t know this would happen.”

Sofia didn’t seem entirely convinced because she gestured to the sign attached to the front end of the wicker basket:

**Who’s like us? Damn few, and they’re all dead.**

**GET WELL SOON, SHEPARD**

Kaidan only shrugged in response. He was mostly spared for answering, as a matter of fact, when they were approached by a much taller, more alien member of the task force.

“Alenko! Who’s your friend?” Garrus was intimidating at first, before you looked closer and realized that the subtle shift of the turian’s facial plates wasn’t an invitation for a violent challenge, but instead a sign of amusement. That and the low baritone hum in his voice was always a pitch higher than usual. Almost like he was stifling a laugh.

“Vakarian,” Kaidan greeted. Sofia eyed the turian carefully, then pulled on a polite, if not uncomfortably tight, smile in her own quiet greeting.

“This is Sofia,” Anderson spoke up. Almost immediately, the easy-going chatter of the police force before them quieted down in a respective silence, and eight pairs of eyes turned to look at him. Kaidan included. Sofia didn’t quite look at Anderson, instead choosing to slightly inclined her head towards him to show that she was listening. It wasn’t that she was completely ignoring Anderson, but it seemed that she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye now, either.

A faint jolt of suspicion ran across Kaidan’s ribs, but he didn’t say a word.

“I assume you all have reports to file out?” Anderson was saying. “Urdnot, I know you have traffic patrol in five.”

A wave of quiet laughter passed through the crowd as Wrex mumbled his thoughts on having traffic patrol duty for the eighth time that week. However, they all dispersed to do their separate duties, laughing and jostling each other aside. Kaidan watched as Ashley raced and beat James to his desk, throwing herself down in his chair and smothering a yell as he sat on her, grinning.

“Lawson, with me.” Kaidan had realized that Miranda had lingered behind, eyeing Sofia with carefully concealed curiosity.

Despite his best attempts to not become so sidetracked, seeing Miranda reminded Kaidan of the one thing he had been trying to avoid thinking of: Shepard. More specifically, he was reminded of the tentative touch of Shepard’s lips against his own, and the distracting thoughts of how a barista that smelled like he bathed in coffee didn’t taste like a drop of the stuff.

“After you file your reports, you can have your night shift off.”

Anderson’s voice wiped all the thoughts from Kaidan’s head, and he ended up blurting out his thanks before hurrying off to speed through his paperwork.

He didn’t miss the way Garrus’s low laughter followed him. He also couldn’t possibly miss the towering figure idly waiting by the police station’s front doors, right next to an oversized gift basket.

“Alenko,” Garrus greeted when Kaidan approached. The higher pitch in the turian’s sub vocals told Kaidan all he needed to know.

“Let’s go see Shepard,” Kaidan replied. The resignation in his tone was overshadowed by his own excitement.

Garrus completely noticed too, and the bright twinkle in his eyes didn’t even flicker as they left the station.

* * *

Kaidan supposed if he had to have company to visit Shepard again, having a nearly seven-foot tall companion didn’t hurt in the slightest. Especially when Kaidan convinced him to carry the heavy basket.

The only awkward obstacle appeared in the elevator once the doors slid shut, and Kaidan found that the reflection of Garrus revealed that the turian was looking at him.

“ _ Sooo _ ,” Garrus drawled. “When’s the wedding?”

Kaidan wished he was holding the basket, if only to hide the nervous twitching of his fingers. He wasn’t sure what quite to do with himself, so instead fixed his gaze on the elevator’s buttons. The fifth floor suddenly seemed like five levels too high.

The wait and suffocatingly patient silence of the elevator car would kill him.

“What wedding?” Kaidan finally said. Not his finest moment; yet it wasn’t as bad as spilling water on Shepard during their first makeout session…

“What is it that you humans say?” Garrus said, mostly to himself. Kaidan gladly accepted the moment of peace while Garrus thought of the phrase he wanted to use.

Kaidan was immediately disappointed at how fast Garrus remembered.

“You and Pax, duh.”

Kaidan quickly realized three things:

One, the vibrations of Garrus’s sub vocals were higher pitched, but it seemed to be more than just the turian hiding a laugh. It was almost as if he had heard the human term “duh” that way.

Two, Garrus didn’t say Shepard. Which is what everyone seemed to call the barista, to the point where Kaidan wasn’t even fully sure if Shepard had a first name. Not only did Garrus use what Kaidan assumed to be Shepard’s first name, but he also used it with such a fond accompanying vibration that Kaidan had the feeling Garrus said it often.

Finally, and most importantly, Kaidan realized that Garrus somehow knew about him and Shepard. Whatever they were, that is, because Kaidan himself didn’t fully know. It was such a small and delicate thing, now, too young to put a name to it, it seemed.

In light of all the evidence those four words brought, Kaidan could only find that the only thing he could manage to say was: “We’re not engaged.”

He didn’t say anything to deny the fact that they appeared to be dating now. He wasn’t quite sure why, exactly. They hadn’t talked about it yet, even though it was the elephant in the room that threatened to suffocate them all.

Still, Garrus wasn’t the person to talk about for a relationship status between Kaidan and Shepard.

The turian seemed to think the same thing that Kaidan was. With a soft hum of amusement and acknowledgment, they both fell quiet as the elevator doors opened.

Garrus didn’t seem to mind when Kaidan surged forward, eagerly leading them to the slightly cracked open door to room 218. When Kaidan moved to politely knock on the door, however, Garrus shouldered past him and pushed the door open.

Smiling, Kaidan followed his lead.

“Damn, Pax, you look like hell.” Garrus set the gift basket on the bedside table, clasping hands with Shepard in a familiar gesture of greeting. It made Kaidan wonder how often the pair found one of themselves greeting the other in a hospital bed.

“Thanks, Garrus. You’re not going to tell Romy that, are you?” There was a new looseness in Shepard’s shoulders. It was something Kaidan only ever saw once before, when Shepard greeted Anderson.

This was Shepard when he was around family.

“Nah. If I did, she would cross the ocean, even if she had to swim, to see you.” Garrus’s unscarred mandible flickered in what Kaidan assumed was a smile. “And to kick my ass.”

“She did warn you to stop getting so many scars after she left,” Shepard laughed.

“Ladies love them, it’s not my fault they drive them wild.” Garrus shook his head in amusement and added, “It’s not my fault that my brother-in-law is an accident prone barista, either.”

As if Kaidan’s day couldn’t have gotten any weirder. He shot Shepard a curious look. It went unreturned as Shepard shook his head and laughed at the verbal poke Garrus had given him. When Kaidan glanced at Garrus, he found that the turian was looking at him in return, a knowing look in his eyes.

All the talk of wedding bells and Garrus was the one married to a member of the Shepard family. 

“Well, I should be calling Romy about this time anyway. I’ll tell her all about the Citadel news,” Garrus shook Shepard’s hand once more, saying short goodbyes, then left the room while adjusting his earpiece. He made sure to give Kaidan a smug twitch of his mandible just before his left.

Now that he was alone with Shepard, Kaidan found that he couldn’t be bothered to mind much. By the way Shepard smiled at him, he knew that the barista-turned-patient didn’t mind much either.

“Hey, you,” Shepard greeted. Kaidan stuck his hands inside his sweatshirt pockets and suddenly found himself at a loss for words. He tried to find his tongue as he took several steps forward and sat in the vacant chair beside Shepard’s bedside.

“Hi,” Kaidan finally managed to say. It was simple, but Kaidan’s heart still fluttered with nervousness. It grew worse when the smile on Shepard’s face was replaced with a look of worry.

“Kaidan, about earlier-”

“Shepard-”

The pair stopped talking as soon as the other did, which left them in an awkward silence. Finally, Shepard swallowed hard and began again.

“I’m sorry for earlier. For kissing you. Twice.”

The floor seemed to drop under Kaidan’s feet. “What do you mean?”

“I shouldn’t have done it without asking if you were comfortable with it,” Shepard explained. A mournful look at replaced any of the brightness in his face from when Garrus was there, leaving a washed out and exhausted looking part of Shepard. It was a version of the man that Kaidan had never seen before.

In his chest, his heart constricted painfully, seized by fear and anxiety.

“Do you regret doing it completely?” Despite the pressure in Kaidan’s ribcage, his voice was steady.

There was a long pause where Shepard couldn’t seem to gather the courage to answer. He only stared at Kaidan, unabashedly tracing his facial features with his dark, sad eyes. Kaidan took the moment to do the same. He mentally cataloged every fine feature of Shepard’s face, from the faint splash of freckles over his nose to the light red stubble of his cheeks. He finally found himself staring into Shepard’s eyes. The dark espresso hues regarded him with remorse.

Nervously, Shepard wet his lips and whispered, “No.”

“Me neither,” Kaidan whispered back.

It was a secret, the way Shepard smiled at him. The vulnerability made Kaidan’s ribs ache.

“Can I kiss you again?” Shepard asked. The smile had shrunk just a fraction, doubt lingering in the twist of his mouth.

“Of course,” Kaidan said. He didn’t realize that he had unconsciously leaned forward until Shepard only had to lean a little closer to press his lips against Kaidan’s.

By then, however, Kaidan didn’t even care. That is, until Shepard pulled away with a smile. Kaidan started to lean back, thinking that the moment was over, but Shepard reached out to grab his hand and squeeze it.

The simple motion contained the most complex and special message Kaidan had ever received:

I need you, please stay.

Kaidan squeezed Shepard hand in reply and stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will have some actual plot development! The gang goes clubbing and that's always a good time... well, sometimes at least.
> 
> Thank you for the reads, kudos, and comments! I've gotten sidetracked this past week (read: Far Harbor DLC ruined my life) but your support has kept me on track and focused! I hope this fluffy little chapter suffices as a proper thank you :D
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, June 5th, 3:00 pm EST


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a weird chapter. Weird weird weird. But basically Kaidan and Miranda team up for Interrogation Time™ and figure out some plot-relevant stuff. Yup.

In a small interrogation room that was quite cramped, Sofia Fuchs laughed.

It wasn’t one filled with mirth, one that was intended to meet some kind of joke. It was short, the sound scraping against her throat with a harsh woosh of air.

Sofia laughed, it was completely soaked in sarcasm. Across the table, Miranda regarded their witness carefully. It was hard to pinpoint the exact emotions and thoughts based on her composed body language and patient facial expressions.

Then again, Kaidan mused, it was probably how she had earned her reputation as the most successful interrogator at the Citadel’s entire police division. Both of them had agreed that something was off about Sofia before they had gathered into the interrogation room with her, though the details were still unknown as to what, exactly. Whatever it was, Anderson seemed confident in sending Kaidan in his place beside Miranda to find out more about Cerberus, and more importantly Kai Lang.

Kaidan, for all intents and purposes, was determined to get the information for the man that placed so much responsibility onto him. To actually achieve that goal, however, he had to get Sofia to stop her defensive stance and to stop making such harsh, anxiety-inducing laughter.

“Sofia?” Kaidan prompted gently. He tried to keep his shoulders loose, but not hunched, and his expression more open, but not too eager. The balance of interrogation was not something Kaidan was well versed in, however.

The woman only smiled ruefully at him, tilting her head to regard the clean surface of the table before her. She didn’t look at the pair of officers at all. Just as Miranda shot Kaidan a dark look of disapproval, she said softly, “Yes, Officer Alenko?”

The first moment that Kaidan had joined Miranda and Sofia, he had introduced himself as just that: Kaidan. His intention to tear down any wariness that came to light from the title of ‘Officer’ just now crashed down around him.

The culprit, the slight woman sitting across from him, glanced up to catch Kaidan’s gaze. There was acknowledgment in her dark eyes. It suddenly struck Kaidan how familiar this entire scene was; seeking the answers across the expanse of a table, laying down his deck of cards in hopes his opponent would do the same, trusting his future in the hands of women who knew better.

Watching a pair of dark eyes just before their owner laid down their winning hand was the same amount of awful familiarity.

“Miranda asked you about Kai Lang, but I was wondering about the other women,” Kaidan said. He studiously ignored the firm nudge of Miranda’s foot against his own, focusing on the softened tension of Sofia’s shoulders.

“They are good women,” Sofia replied. She tried to stay more neutral on the topic, Kaidan could tell, but it was hard to fake a lack of emotion. He knew that well when it came to confessing everything to Rahna. When he had called his mother on the phone and listened to her anger, then muffled cries, as he told her he wouldn’t be coming back to his hometown.

He knew it when he saw Shepard in a hospital bed, and how when he closed his eyes that night the picture was painted behind his eyelids down to the smallest details.

Kaidan knew better than to think that love wasn’t the hardest emotion to hide.

“They are very polite,” Kaidan agreed. Although not all of the women, a group of seven excluding Sofia, trusted Kaidan and Anderson’s intentions to help, some had. There seemed to be some type of inner hierarchy that the women had created, because as Sofia agreed to go the police station, another woman had stepped forwards and encouraged the idea.

She appeared to be European as well, but the softness in her vowels made Kaidan suspect that although English may not have been her native language, German might not have been either. Which meant that whatever scheme Mr. Illusive was involved in stretched even farther across Europe.

“My name is Livia Pecoraro.” Livia had shook hands with Kaidan and Anderson, much to their surprise. It had seemed that the group of women as a whole harbored severe distrust of men, and for one of the said women to walk up to them and shake their hands with an unfazed expression…

Overall, something felt wrong to Kaidan.

She had been willing to accept help from the hospital staff, however, and her actions paved the way to allow the other women to accept treatment as well. It was something much needed, and Kaidan did appreciate it, but he trusted the wariness creeping into his heart more than the dark haired young woman that called herself Livia.

That was the other problem; records for all the women were entirely absent. Nothing, from a birth certificate to a doctor’s appointment, could prove that Sofia Fuchs or Livia Pecoraro existed. Mr. Illusive and Kai Lang had erased these women from an international system of records, but they had no idea why.

“What can you tell me about Livia?” Kaidan asked. Sofia looked surprised for a vulnerable second, then she turned her face to the side.

Kaidan didn’t miss the way her mouth twitched while trying to contain a smile. When she turned back to face Miranda and Kaidan, an almost indifferent mask was in place. Almost, because her eyes shined with fondness when she leveled her gaze at Kaidan.

“Livia is a very brave woman, Officer.” Sofia seemed to consider her thoughts for a moment, then continued, “She was there before I was, before any of us. Lang always made sure to spit in her bottle of water before handing it to her.”

Kaidan hid a grimace at that. It was even worse now when he considered Livia’s introduction to Kaidan and Anderson. She didn’t look an ounce of fearful… but the reach of trauma is longer than one would expect. Kaidan couldn’t be sure of Livia because damage to a mind is immeasurable when one didn’t know the mind beforehand.

“Liv always drank half of it down, right in his face. Always. No one else had the courage to even look him in the eyes, but Livia never blinked.” A smile twisted Sofia’s lips, a sharp thing, lined with bared teeth. “Most satisfying thing to see in my life, Officers.”

Miranda had been quiet for a while now, watching the interrogation unfold with calculated interest. Now she leaned forwards, resting her clasped hands on the table. She captured Sofia’s gaze with her own, and the pair stared at each other. Kaidan had the distinct feeling that he was missing most of the silent conversation between the two women.

He did, thankfully, pick up on the slight furrow of Sofia’s brow and the quiet idle tapping of Miranda’s foot to piece together the majority of the silent conversation: while Miranda’s body language showed her pleasure at finding proof to prove her inner theory right, Sofia’s expression showed that she knew it.

She knew, and she wasn’t pleased in the slightest.

“Miss Fuchs,” Miranda began, then paused. The name hung in the empty air, eerily resembling an executioner’s ax just before it fell. Kaidan and Sofia watched her with rapt attention. “Where are the other girls?”

“Other girls?” Sofia repeated. She said exactly that Kaidan was thinking, but he had the feeling it may have been said for different reasons than his. Mainly the fact that Kaidan had no idea how Sofia would know, Livia seemed more likely. Her response to possible trauma wasn’t one he witnessed before…

… Or was it? A memory slipped through his mind like ice water, pictured clear and wrapping his thoughts in a shroud of cold, stricken horror.

A memory of blue dripping into a light gray carpet, azure stretching over his trembling arms, electricity sparking to the tips of his fingers and leaving the hair on his arms sticking up in fear.

The memory of killing Vyrnnus wasn’t an unfamiliar one. He went to sleep watching the turian’s final moments. Now, though, it was different. The usually narrow view, which focused on the blood and hum of his biotics, grew to the point where Kaidan could see Rahna in the background. Next to an ambulance, her wrist cleaned and bandaged from when Vyrnnus dug his talons into her skin, and the sudden jerk of Kaidan’s biotics opened up the small marks into a more distinguishable wound.

His former wife was being comforted by someone else since Kaidan was forced to be isolated in order to calm down. He had thought that he never saw her, never saw who calmed her in the wake of the attack, but the memory flashing across his conscious mind finally shut that assumption down.

It was the memory of watching Rahna lean into the embrace of a turian. One of his co-workers; a rather blunt and reckless turian by the name of Nihlus Kryik. Kaidan worked with Kryik for two years at that point. On the multiple patrols and investigation they did together, it was obvious that although Nihlus was both literally and figuratively hardheaded, he ended up with favorable results that was only rarely the product of luck. He was one of the police department’s top officers for that exact reason.

Kaidan should have been surprised that Rahna sought comfort from a turian, but he wasn’t. After all, Kaidan had just murdered someone.

Yet Rahna hadn’t flinched away from a comforting touch by a member of the same species that caused her harassment and led to the downfall of their marriage. Her voice didn’t waver when she left a voicemail on Kaidan’s hotel messaging machine yesterday and informed him that her name was changed on the court records, from Rahna Alenko to Rahna Kryik.

Meanwhile, Kaidan’s hands trembled when he shook Garrus’s for the first time, choking out a laugh when it was joked that they hoped Kaidan found Garrus to be a more likable turian.

Trauma truly affected people in different ways. Kaidan knew this, now more than before. It wasn’t impossible to believe that Livia could put aside differences to seek the help she knew she needed in a delicate time.

It wasn’t impossible to believe that Sofia lost track of the lines between friend and foe in her search for stability.

“Yes, Sofia, the other girls.” Miranda was patient. Kaidan felt like something lit his chest on fire, his nerves sputtering flames in his sudden revelation. It was adrenaline, screaming for action. Going to seek help for the people who needed it now that they were discovered to exist, but lacking any sense of direction.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t know that there were other girls in the first place.” Sofia looked an inch away from being moved to tears. Still, her chin was held high in determination. She truly didn’t know, not with consciousness, at least.

It was hard to know the damage done to an unknown mind, but at least now they had a place to start. A place a well-versed doctor could mark as the starting line. The finish line was much easier: find the remaining missing women.

And, as it just so happened, Kaidan knew a salarian that could help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said clubbing but... that is next chapter! This one got too intense and it didn't seem right to add something as lighthearted as Joker enduring a hundred and one "old man" jokes and Shepard teaching the robots how to do the... Robot? Really, Shepard?
> 
> Instead you get plot development. Booooooooring, but hey, you do what you gotta do. This new update schedule is working out for me, since I'm not stressing so much (I'm staring at you, Zach) and I feel better about the content I'm giving. But let me know what you guys think! I love love love all the wonderful feedback you guys give, through comments or kudos, and I give a very big thank you to everyone!
> 
> One last order of business: it's going to be the summer for me soon, since June 17th is the official last day. I'm hoping to update more in the summer, but it's not a definite! I am aiming to finish this trainwreck by the time August rolls around, though, so we'll see B)
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, June 19th, 3:00 pm EST


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Kaidan and Shepard work for the day, and party at night.

Every morning, the same obstacle emerged for Kaidan. He had yet to master it and was unsure if he would even like to, considering the consequences. It was worse considering how trivial the obstacle was as well, an ordinary occurrence that he had never fully appreciated now that it was beyond his reach. Looking back made his heart beat in wistful rhythms, remembering how he took advantage of a mundane luxury.

Every morning for the past six days, Kaidan faced the obstacle of finding a good cup of coffee.

The first three days were the worst, overall. Forgetting that his favored cafe was shut down and ending up in front of the building itself was something that caused the air in his chest to escape in a whoosh, his eyes scanning the details to commit the memory of the bright yellow crime scene tape and the charred exterior walls and the plywood covering the broken windows.

The remains of his origins in Citadel was held together by crime scene ribbon and plywood. It was out of place in the plaza; travelers stepped out of the train station and immediately brought their curious gaze to the sagging building. The looks didn’t linger long, though, since life moved past Kaidan’s as if he was a stone in a river. While his eyes caught on the spot where the  _ Normandy’s  _ name used to be, his gaze sliding over the twisted light fixtures that remained, a weight settled in his chest.

A new city, a new chance to start over. He carved a place for himself here, filled the holes with little moments, from sharing a knowing smile with a barista to activating his biotics even though he had tried to make it a habit not to, in case a barista from the same cafe fell from the rafters.

He had a hundred small memories in his heart, and lately, his ribs resembled pallbearers. Watching Shepard become a victim in a hospital bed to the latest witness in the police station interrogation room were moments that acted as nails in a coffin.

Realizing that the  _ Normandy  _ was as battered and involved in the fast-growing case as its owner mirrored the act of observing a coffin being lowered into a grave, and knowing that it was preventable.

Kaidan could have prevented it, in fact, in his own way. His dedication to his latest case gave him long hours at the  _ Normandy _ . He had a hand in most of the information they knew now; talking with Shepard gave them the lead of Mr. Illusive’s precise schedule.

Of course, it was all done and over with. He couldn’t go back in time to prevent the  _ Normandy’s  _ destruction. Although he missed the cafe and the familiar atmosphere it carried, he couldn’t say he entirely regretted his own selfishness. The old ghosts would always haunt him, but he could control whether or not that the future concerned him. In fact, he was hellbent on keeping that control.

Every morning, Kaidan called Shepard on the hotel’s older, wired phone, and listened to the sleepy rasp of his voice.

* * *

An understanding was quickly established.

Shepard was no longer employed, as the destruction of the  _ Normandy  _ forced him to sell the property to the first bidder. Namely, a very familiar face that Kaidan was horrified to see.

“Thank you, Mr. Shepard.” Shepard looked increasingly uncomfortable as he handed the pair of keys for the  _ Normandy  _ over. Kaidan didn’t blame him; his own stomach was turning over, his heart clenched in fury over the utter unfairness of the situation.

“She’s in good hands, I assure you.” The smile that accompanied the statement made Mr. Illusive look even more like the shark he was. Shepard replied politely, his restraint sending Kaidan to glance at him in amazement. Of course, he shouldn’t have been expecting anything less of Shepard; the man was a professional, not to mention one that always considered others.

That, and the knowing glance Shepard sent back to Kaidan assured him that Shepard had a plan.

Suddenly, it was easier to shake Illusive’s hand and bid him farewell. It wasn’t the case when trying to express the self-control to not pounce on the Shepard and demand answers because the second Mr. Illusive was out of earshot Kaidan cast an expectant look at his companion.

Shepard was staring at the  _ Normandy _ , tracing the ruined front with his eyes, no doubt committing it all to memory. For a brief heartbeat, Kaidan hesitated. He wasn’t sure of the boundaries yet, wasn’t sure if the unspoken understanding between them was only a feeling he conjured up without consulting Shepard.

Kaidan hesitated until he saw the wet shine to Shepard’s eyes. Then it was all too easy to reach out and lace his fingers with Shepard’s. He gently squeezed his fingers, and Shepard silently replied with a short squeeze of his own. An understanding passed through their linked fingers, and it was Shepard that finally turned around to return to his car, his hand still tightly clasped with Kaidan’s.

Neither of them had the intention to let go until they needed to.

* * *

“What’s your plan?”

The hotel room’s curtains were shut to ward off Kaidan’s impending headache, and the sunlight through the red curtains cast Shepard’s face in a shade of pink. His hair looked darker in the lighting, and Kaidan suppressed the urge to reach out and smooth down the more unruly strands.

“Plan?” Shepard questioned. Under the scrutiny of a pair of dark eyes, Kaidan closed his own. He was thankful that the pink hue to his cheeks and neck could be dismissed for the strange lighting.

“For the  _ Normandy _ ,” Kaidan said. His voice sounded more steady than his heartbeat, thankfully. He didn’t trust Shepard not to be as perceptive as usual, though. It was harder to calm his jumping pulse when Shepard was so close on the bed to him. When Kaidan could smell coffee and cologne in the air and savor it. 

Shepard hummed thoughtfully in response. Sensing that he was collecting his thoughts, Kaidan opened his eyes only to find that he caught Shepard’s masked gaze. Lying down suddenly became the worst idea in the world, even as Shepard sat against the headboard.

Kaidan swallowed hard.

“You have a plan, right?” A shot at normalcy. Asking simple questions for complex solutions. Whatever that was now between Kaidan and Shepard and their blossoming romance, as Ashley called it.

“I do,” Shepard replied. His smile told Kaidan that normalcy wasn’t available now, in the cocooned state of Kaidan’s hotel room. Kaidan supposed it was for the best, perhaps; the last time he had tried to live the life expected of him was in a town far away with a woman even farther away, despite the phone sitting on the bedside table just to his left and the phone number he had memorized after that first date.

“You’re not going to tell me?” His attempt to act insulted was ruined by a smile he couldn’t quite smother. Shepard’s eyes lit up at the question, although he managed to keep a more strict expression on his face.

“If you ask nicely,” Shepard said. Kaidan had to turn his chuckle into a cough at the sly look on Shepard’s face. He sat up slowly, visually pondering intensely, his eyes caught in Shepard’s gaze. The look didn’t waver as Kaidan leaned in, but he did catch the rough bob of Shepard's  Adam’s apple as he struggled to keep still.

Kaidan stopped a hairsbreadth away from Shepard, barely avoiding touching him. Shepard was still, his wide eyes roaming over Kaidan’s body with a look of appreciation. When his eyes made their way back to Kaidan’s face, Kaidan leaned forwards and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Shepard’s mouth.

“Please,” Kaidan murmured. His lips brushed against Shepard’s stubbled cheek as Kaidan dipped his head to place a kiss to the racing pulse below his jaw. He pulled away just enough to see that Shepard had his eyes closed, his breath shallow.

“What’s your plan, Shepard?” Kaidan asked.

“Nothing is solid right now.” Shepard gasped as Kaidan left a trail of kisses down his neck, stopping at the place where Shepard’s shirt collar rested at his collarbone. Kaidan hummed in acknowledgment.

It was his cue for Shepard to continue, and he did with a trembling voice, “Illusive wants the cafe, but it’s just a location. I found a nice place on Third-  _ ah _ , you’re distracting.” Kaidan had slowly made his way back up to Shepard’s mouth and gave him a quick peck in apology. When he tried to pull back, however, Shepard grasped his shirt and pulled him in for a gentle, full kiss before releasing him. Grinning, Kaidan settled next to Shepard against his headboard. He considered their laced fingers thoughtfully.

“Do you have the money?” Kaidan asked. He had meant it in a way so Shepard knew that he was willing to help. By the shy quirk of Shepard’s lips, he knew it was received the way he intended.

“Not yet, no. I have most of it in savings. I need another five hundred to make the goal.” Shepard’s thumb made circles against Kaidan’s hand, and Kaidan found himself watching the movement intently. “I just need a way to earn that money. Getting a job somewhere, probably, and saving for a few months.”

Kaidan frowned. Those months would be long, no doubt. The past few days had already been hell to Shepard, both physically and mentally. The evidence lay in the dark bags under his eyes, barely concealed by the room’s pink hue. Days at the police station were long, but the nights were far longer and more torturous. Something about darkness made depression more likely to crawl from its dark hole and wreck havoc.

It would be a mercy to minimize the length of Shepard’s quiet suffering. Of course, Kaidan would help. With very little persuasion Anderson, Ashley, Garrus, and even James would no doubt lend a hand. Jacob, Jack, Joker, and even Javik would likely be eager to help as well.

Organizing a campaign and raising money for a new Normandy wasn’t exactly one of Kaidan’s strong suits, but with Shepard’s influences and connections?

With Shepard, the world rested in their palms.

* * *

Strobe lights and alcohol wasn’t exactly a good mixture with the migraine thundering in Kaidan’s temples.

Yet here he was, sitting in an environment exactly like that. He should have known that Shepard would lead him to new places. Places that weren’t exactly Kaidan’s forte, so to speak. He hadn’t been in a club since before he met Rahna; she tied him to respectful duties the same way his blossoming career as a police officer did. Not that he could complain entirely, though. Both of them saved him from the smell of hard liquor and body odor, and the bass music that made the floor shudder underneath him.

While Rahna was more the type to sit at home and sip wine, Shepard was the type to drag his friends to  _ Afterlife  _ to celebrate Ashley Williams's promotion.

“You look like shit!” Jack had to shout over the pounding stereo, although Kaidan still winced. Shepard caught his gaze and shot him an apologetic smile. Shepard said something that Kaidan didn’t quite hear, but Jack cackled in response before leaving the pair at the bar. Kaidan caught her farewell, which was something along the lines of her announcing her intentions to do pushups on the dance floor, but his attention was drawn away by something else.

More appropriately,  _ someone  _ else.

Shepard leaned against Kaidan’s side. Since they were sitting on bar stools, the former barista nearly fell off. He didn’t seem concerned as Kaidan reached out to steady him. The same couldn’t be said for Kaidan, though, as the pounding pulse in his ears attested to.

“I think we lost Ashley,” Shepard said. In the roar of the club, Kaidan had to lean in to catch the words, but Shepard didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were focused on the liquor rack behind the bar counter. Although a more accurate description would have been unfocused, if the glassy sheen to his dark eyes were any indication of how utterly wasted Shepard was.

“Shepard, how much did you drink?” Kaidan mentally tallied up the moments he wasn’t supervising Shepard. It was four times, overall, since Shepard was uncharacteristically clingy to Kaidan. Of course, he wouldn’t put it past Jack to get her former boss smashed while out on the town.

“I’m not drunk on anything ‘cept your love, K,” Shepard grinned. Kaidan was taken aback at the clarity in Shepard’s eyes when they met his own. That and the alcohol laced air surrounding Shepard.

“Hm, I have my doubts,” Kaidan said. He couldn’t possibly destroy the smile spreading over his face. It was strangely nice to see the tensions released from Shepard’s shoulders; the past few days had been more stressful than ever as they carefully plotted out how they would earn the money for a new  _ Normandy _ . Even after they agreed on a donation page, one that was causing his phone to quietly chirp throughout the night with notifications, Shepard had still run his fingers through his hair in anxiety throughout the early hours of their night.

Now, thankfully, Shepard was calm. Which lasted approximately four wonderful seconds before a familiar robot approached them.

“Shepard, I cannot replicate those movements you performed earlier.” EDI looked frustrated. Kaidan wouldn’t have believed that an android could look so concerned and… human, until now. The proof was right before him after all. Shepard had easily developed the habit of proving Kaidan wrong as well.

“Movements? You mean the dance?”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at that. It almost went unnoticed, as Shepard nearly fell off his barstool when his foot got caught in one of the rungs. Kaidan silently appreciated his more sober state; apparently, he was the only thing prevented Shepard from becoming suddenly acquainted with  _ Afterlife’s  _ floor. Of course, the fact that Shepard almost ended up smashing his face on the club floor didn’t bother EDI in the slightest. Her careful gaze did not stray from Kaidan.

“Shepard showed me how to perform the Robot, although Jeff says I don’t possess the necessary parts.” EDI seemed seriously disturbed by that. Kaidan was struggling not to slam his head against the bar counter to see if this was a dream sequence or not.

“Say that to Joker and his creaky legs,” Shepard replied. Kaidan glanced at him, incredulous at the uncharacteristic response, and was amazed to find that Shepard was completely serious.

EDI nodded as if he gave her life’s secrets. “He pointed that ‘my hips do not lie’, though I do not understand what he means. It appears to contradict his previous criticism of my dancing.”

Kaidan turned away to muffle his surprised laughter. Shepard didn’t quite manage it as he burst into laughter, though he was kind enough to safely slide off his chair with minimal assistance to help EDI dance, apparently.

Kaidan watched the pair walk to the dance floor, smiling to himself. It was strange to watch an android lead his boyfriend away for an impromptu dancing lesson, and even stranger to know that the group of people waiting for them were his friends.

Joker groaned at something EDI said to him, Ashley wrestled Shepard into a fond headlock, and Garrus, Tali, and Legion seemed to be in the middle of a serious debate, even as they danced. Well, the turian and quarian did, while the geth shifted his weight side to side, bobbing his head as if he was dancing.

They were all loud and reassembled the strangest band of misfits Kaidan had ever seen, but they were his friends. His family, even. So when Shepard motioned for Kaidan to join them, he didn’t hesitate to leave a tip on the bar and join them. Although he did take the time to make the mental note not to teach robots how to dance, and instead focus on helping  _ Shepard  _ with lessons.

Later, Kaidan told himself, he would teach Shepard  _ later _ , because time was stretching before him, his heartbeat caught in the pounding bass, and he felt on top of the world when Shepard smiled at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's summer for me now. Which means it's time to crack down and get writing. I plotted out the rest of the story, and set a schedule. At this rate, MiM will be finished, hopefully, on August 14! So close to the end with four chapters left, and one being the epilogue! I still have to get there, but I am already sadly relieved to be nearing the end...
> 
> ... Speaking of the end, I have something planned for this occasion. The last update, I mean. I will be offering to take prompts, either on AO3 or Tumblr. More details on that later though, when I figure out the time to get them done! Other than that, thank you for all the reads, kudos, and comments! It's always so nice to get the notification, I spend my day smiling and it's ridiculous. I hope this chapter makes you guys just as happy!
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, July 3rd, 2:00 pm EST


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this delayed update, the author debates on whether or not she should add a new tag: Drama.

The list of species that Shepard was befriended to was becoming ridiculously diverse. Humans, a turian, a drell, a salarian, an alien from an unknown race, and even krogan, since Grunt always fondly talked about Shepard’s tendency to headbutt his krogan elders. It was the beginning of a bad joke:  _ Species X, Y, and Z walk into a cafe… and befriend a barista _ .

Then, of course, there was an asari.

Kaidan stood awkwardly to the side as Shepard hugged Liara. There was that soothed tension in his shoulders, Kaidan had noticed, and suddenly he felt the overwhelming feeling of explicit trust.  If Shepard was comfortable around Anderson and Garrus, men who Kaidan found to be trustworthy too, then a strange asari would make little difference.

When Liara pulled away from Shepard’s slightly hesitant embrace, Kaidan offered her a hand in polite greeting. “Kaidan Alenko. Nice to meet you.”

Liara’s face seemed like it was always drawn in tired expressions, but when she smiled her face lit up. There was something suspiciously sly about the twinkle in her eyes, however. Like she knew the world’s secrets and knew how to wield them.

“Liara T’Soni. Shepard told me a lot about you, Kaidan.” Liara shook his hand, though the movement was somewhat awkward. Kaidan figured it had something to do with the cultural differences; or rather the few he remembered from his high school xenology class.

“Shepard said you were a scientist?”

Liara smiled. Brighter this time, when talking about her work. “Archaeologist, yes. I study Prothean ruins.”

_ Ruins _ ? Kaidan’s gaze cut to Shepard, who seemed unfazed by the explanation. Kaidan hadn’t expected this when Shepard assured him that just because Mordin was out of town for a convention, didn’t mean they would have to cancel the appointment scheduled for Sofia. He had known a friend that was well-versed in the “fields of science“. Evidently, it was not the same field that Kaidan had assumed.

_ Miranda is going to be furious _ . The thought made him wince inwardly. Miranda was a force to be reckoned with in the Citadel police station; her duty as the unofficial interrogation officer was an appointment well earned. Being on the receiving end of her calculating stares was not something he wanted to be subjected to for bringing in an archeologist when he promised a neurologist.

Perhaps Miranda would take something over nothing. Kaidan wasn’t an expert in asari biology, not by a long shot, but he figured that their knack for melding minds would be useful. A little. Hopefully.

_ Unless Shepard and Liara have a trick up their sleeves they’re not telling me about, that’s all I can hope for _ .

“Miranda and Sofia are already waiting for us. Follow me.”

* * *

There were six common motives for arsonists: vandalism, excitement, revenge, crime concealment, profit, and extremism.

Some motives tended to go hand in hand. For example, a person concealing a crime through arson could also expect profit from the endeavor.

Which led Kaidan to believe that vandalism was the last motive for the  _ Normandy’s  _ demise. The fire seemed less like a mischievous act by teenagers looking for an adrenaline rush and more like ruthless calculus.

Specifically, Mr. Illusive’s influence. He definitely had the most to gain, and essentially signed his own career death certificate by purchasing the newly charred  _ Normandy _ . The former cafe was breaking its own financial records every year as business steadily grew, and the news of the crime spreading across the city would definitely draw attention to it when it reopened. Of course, Mr. Illusive seemed to think the risks of arrest and jail time without bail were worth the profit.

Kaidan was determined to prove him wrong. The entire investigation, unfortunately, did not hinge on his own resolve, but on the woman fidgeting at the table beyond the windowpane. Miranda and Anderson had agreed that it would be more productive if Liara entered the room by herself, while Miranda, Kaidan, and Anderson watched through the one-way mirror. It was more likely that Sofia would respond to the intimacy of one-on-one contact, Anderson explained.

Through some convincing, Shepard was in the small viewing room as well. Kaidan appreciated the solid presence by his side while they watched the interrogation before them.

Sofia was staring at Liara. More specifically her hands, which rested on the table, fingers laced together. Sofia stared at the blue digits as though they would reach out and strangle her.

“Sofia, my name is Liara. I’m here to help you remember some more details, all right?”

“I don’t know what else you would want from me,” Sofia said. Kaidan was taken aback at the emotion in the syllables. For the past few days, Sofia had been calm, each word measured before it was spoken. Abruptly, before their eyes, she started to become unhinged. It made Kaidan wonder what circumstances led Sofia to be so nervous around asari. He didn’t take the time to dwell on the train of thought, or take notice of the parallels between his own unease around turians and Sofia’s around asari.

He didn’t exactly have the time, not when Sofia suddenly reached out and parted Liara’s hands, laying them out so they rested on the table, palms open and facing the ceiling. Like the others, he was caught in rapt attention at the unexpected action.

“I know why you’re here. What you’re going to do.” Sofia intertwined their fingers, appearing to steel her resolve before squeezing Liara’s fingers firmly. “Meld our minds and get it over with.”

“If you’re sure. It might be somewhat uncomfortable,” Liara warned.

“I know. Go ahead.”

Liara began the process, her eyes turning an inky black as Sofia’s body tensed. In the moment of helplessness, Kaidan let himself dissect the familiarity Sofia had with the melding process. The average human would learn about it in their mandatory xenology class, but this went beyond Kaidan’s understanding of the procedure. Sofia’s comprehension went beyond textbook studies and into territory more acquainted with personal experience.

Considering she wasn’t an asari, Kaidan assumed that Sofia’s experiences were of a more personal nature. Thanks to his class, Kaidan learned enough to know that the type of the relationship.

The revelation only led to more questions, unfortunately. If Sofia had an asari lover, one she had intimate experiences with that she remembered, then why wasn’t it mentioned? If the relationship was healthy and important, wouldn’t Sofia want to be reunited with her lover once more?

If it wasn’t healthy, did Mr. Illusive have a hand in it? His wide reach didn’t seem beyond hiring an asari to analyze the thought of possible trafficking victims, determine their mental status.

Then again, Kaidan could be overthinking this. His head was slightly fuzzy with an oncoming migraine in his temples; risking crossing a wire or two in his thoughts and chasing false leads wasn’t worth the waste of efforts and time.

Kaidan rubbed at his forehead and focused on Sofia and Liara. At some point, Shepard had entwined their fingers, and he squeezed them fondly.

Shepard looked like he was about to say something, but seemed to think better of it and only squeezed Kaidan’s fingers back. Kaidan didn’t get the chance to ask if anything was wrong; there was a gasp over in the interrogation room.

Sofia stood up quickly, her chair knocking onto the floor with a loud crash. She couldn’t go very far with the handcuffs chaining her to the table. Kaidan moved to the door, prepared to go in and calm Sofia down, but Shepard grabbed his wrist and pulled him to a halt.

“She’s just surprised, you’ll scare her,” Shepard said. Over his shoulder, Kaidan saw Anderson nod in confirmation, and the thinly-veiled impressed expression on Miranda’s face. Kaidan nodded in understanding and shuffled back to his spot at the observation mirror. He needed to count on Liara to figure out what they needed.

His resignation to the situation didn’t last long. He managed to catch the look of surprise on Liara’s face before there was a flash of azure light. Sofia yanked her hands out of their shackles and took several long steps back.

Sofia was biotic. Kaidan wasn’t sure how that managed to slip past their screenings, or how she managed to survive on her low-calorie meals, never mind thrive enough to actually use her skills.

He didn’t have the time to dwell on it before Shepard was bursting through the door and into the room, a shield crackling across his skin.

“Careful, Shepard.” Kaidan quickly followed suit.

“Shepard?” Sofia repeated. Ice settled in Kaidan’s veins upon hearing the recognition in her tone. He looked at Shepard’s face and found no trace of it on his face, only confusion. It didn’t make Kaidan feel any better. It just meant that Kai Lang and Mr. Illusive had their sights set on Shepard from the beginning, and Sofia had been part of the plot in her own way. He just couldn’t see the full picture yet.

He felt even worse when the glow enveloping Sofia’s hands disappeared with a dying crackle of electricity.

“Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Mr. Shepard.” Sofia dipped her head in an exaggerated bow.

Kaidan felt like he was going to throw up.

“You know Shepard?” Kaidan demanded. He hadn't intended to sound so harsh, but the emotion was clogging his throat, tearing into his lungs. To put it simply, he was  _ furious _ . At Mr. Illusive and Kai Lang, but also Sofia and Shepard. He was angry at the entire world for putting the pressure on his chest.

“Not really. I have no interest in Lang’s  _ fascinations _ ,” Sofia spat. Kaidan took a half step back. It felt like the room was closing in on him. He was too close to Shepard, but he was also getting closer to the truth.

He valued one too much to lose it to the other, so he stayed. He gestured for Sofia to sit down, which she did with minimal coaxing. She looked like the cat that got the cream, as Kaidan’s mother would say, at the drama she caused.

When Kaidan motioned for Shepard to sit down as well, pain flashed across the other man’s face. He looked like he wanted to argue, but simply looking at the cold resolve on Kaidan’s face made him resign to sitting on the accused side of the table.

Sofia made a point to shuffle her chair to the side several inches, making the gap and isolation around Shepard that much greater. Kaidan chose the seat next to Liara, fighting the urge to stand and pace. A migraine in his temples made his entire brain ache.

“Sofia, have any of your repressed memories been released? Can you tell us about any of Mr. Illusive’s operations?” Kaidan asked. He was more in control now. It was easier when Shepard’s name wasn’t in his mouth. When he didn’t have to taste betrayal. It remained as a solid mass in his chest, but he didn’t have to speak of it.

Not right now, at least.

“Lang wasn’t very chatty, but yes. I remember some of what he said when he spoke on the phone.” Sofia was studiously avoiding looking at Shepard as well, her eyes locked with Kaidan’s.

The mass in his chest grew bigger.

“Lang mostly talked about moving all of us. Livia thought he meant murder and disposal, but I figured out that he actually meant moving us into an actual building.” That was where the  _ Normandy  _ fit in, then. Not quite, though, since keeping abducted women in a building so close to an area as public as a train station sounded too risky. Another building outside of the city was safer.

_ Perhaps ‘business troubles’ encouraged Mr. Illusive to find a more popular spot _ , Kaidan mused.  _ Whether the trouble was demand for more victims, a lack of ‘customers’, or a front for money laundering _ . He filed the train of thought for later.

“I mentioned it one night, after dinner when the other women fell asleep,” Sofia continued. “He usually checked on us every two hours, so I stayed up to catch him. I asked him where he would take us.”

There was a glassy look in her eyes now, as she traveled back to the memory. Kaidan maintained eye contact to keep himself from looking at Shepard.

“He grabbed me by the throat and threatened to kill me,” Sofia murmured. “When I… I started to cry, and he offered a chance to save my life.”

She ducked her head to hide the tears, and Kaidan didn’t bother to tell her that he had noticed them trailing down her cheeks several minutes ago.

“If I helped with their business he wouldn’t kill me, and he said he would leave my family alone.”

“Your family?” This was the first time Sofia had even uttered the word.

“My bondmate and daughter.” Now she raised her head, fear mixing with the determination in her features. “They’re in the city. You have to put them into protection.”

Liara nodded. “We will, Sofia. I recognized your bondmate. An asari by the name of Saeses T’Kese, yes?”

Relief filled Sofia’s face. “Yes. She’s a nurse at Huerta Memorial Hospital, in the ICU department.”

“I’ll pick them both up myself and bring them here to meet you,” Kaidan assured her. He felt Shepard’s eyes follow him as he stood and left the room. It was both a blessing and a burden that he didn’t say anything; Kaidan craved comfort, the assurance that Shepard wasn’t a criminal, but he knew if Shepard said one word, he would shatter into millions of pieces.

* * *

Anderson had approved his unspoken request to collect Saeses and Niri T’Kese alone. He needed the time to think in the silence and solitude, to determine what to do when he was finally forced to face Shepard again.

Well, he did know what to do. On a professional level at least. Anderson wouldn’t let him in the interrogation room, but if it turned out that Shepard truly was working with Mr. Illusive, then he would break off their blossoming relationship in a heartbeat. He would pursue justice for Sofia, Livia, and the other women.

On a personal level, he hesitated. He didn’t want to leave Citadel, to run away from a broken relationship once again. Yet every crack in the sidewalk and every building and person Kaidan came into contact with seemed to know about Shepard and the  _ Normandy _ . The pair had been the start of his time in Citadel, and every day since then he had thought about both the man and the business.

Watching them collide with his career was like watching a head-on car collision.

The vibration of his phone caught Kaidan’s attention. Keeping his eye on the traffic before him, he answered it the phone and raised it to his ear.

The irony of driving and using the phone was not lost on him.

“Hello?”

“Kaidan, I need to talk to you.” It was Ashley. He figured she heard of Shepard’s sudden involvement.

“It’s about Shepard, right?”

“Yeah. God, Kaidan, how can you be so calm?” Ashley’s voice was choked at the end, and Kaidan frowned as he maneuvered around the slow minivan in front of him. He hadn’t realized he sounded so sure of himself. He certainly wasn’t calm internally.

“I’m driving to pick up Sofia’s family for witness protection. I guess I’m just focused.”

Ashley scoffed, and Kaidan decided against mentioning how weak it sounded. “Good luck with that.”

“What did you want to tell me about Shepard?” Kaidan asked after a moment of silence. He heard the clicking of computer keys before her voice came back onto the line.

“Garrus was going through the phone records for the  _ Normandy _ . Anderson told me what happened so I went through the files again.” She paused and muttered something under her breath before she started typing rapidly. “It all matches up, Kaidan. All of it. The calls were always placed around the same time. Always in the  _ Normandy _ .”

“Shepard,” Kaidan said.

“Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit, Kaidan, did he actually burn down the  _ Normandy _ ?” It was Kaidan’s turn to be surprised by the clarity in her tone. It seemed like she already knew the answer, but he decided to humor her and reply.

There were six common motives for arsonists, and some of them went hand in hand. If a barista was searching for the profits of the slave trade, he would seek the chaos and business opportunity of burning down his business. From there, insurance money would be the kickoff needed to indulge in the black market wares.

Which made Shepard more of a partner to Illusive, rather than a puppet or victim.

“Yes, I think he did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is late! I know! And it breaks my heart because I was so determined to get this out two weeks ago. You guys deserve regular updates. Also, you all deserve fewer cliffhangers. One day, that will happen, I swear.
> 
> Anyways, we need to talk business, alright? Most importantly the update schedule. I still want to finish this up by August 14th. In order to do that, I'm going to (hopefully) write all of this week and the next to get ahead. I'm planning on updating the 31st, 7th, and end it all on the 14th. Sound good? Now, I've decided to accept writing request from August 14th to August 20th. More details will be on my Tumblr (shackledbiotic.tumblr.com) around that time, so check it out if you're interested!
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, July 31st, 3:00 pm EST
> 
> (P.S.: Shoutout to my friend Zach (svrgebinder.tumblr.com on Tumblr) for convincing me to finally write this up. He's sending baked goods nearly halfway across the country, he deserved some gay drama <3 He also needs to be famous so shoot him a message if you'd like. He's lonely and bored like 24/7 after all.)


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter (which is surprisingly a little early!!!!! what!!!!) Kaidan wrestles with Emotions™ and discovers the most vital aspect of the investigation yet: hope.

Traffic had grown thicker the closer Kaidan got to the hospital.

It had taken an hour of weaving between cars and debating on whether or not to turn on the portable siren stuffed in the glovebox before he finally was able to pull into the hospital’s parking garage. It would have been much easier to simply pull over in the semi-circle in front of the hospital, yet since it was technically a drop-off zone only and appearing as casual as possible would only protect Saeses…

… Well, it was worth the fifteen minutes spent trying to find a place to park.

Kaidan was eager to meet Saeses as well; that alone made up for the small inconveniences. He had a lot of questions for the woman that knew Sofia best, considering they still knew next to nothing about her.

Then again, they knew absolutely nothing about Saeses T’Kese. Liara admitted that she heard a handful of chatter about the asari through her social networks and explained something about an influential figure by the name of Matriarch T’Kese. Kaidan wasn’t entirely well-versed in asari politics, and there wasn’t time to get a history lesson from Liara, but she did inform him that the Matriarch stirred some figurative political dust with an affair.

_ After that, the records showed that her daughter Saeses left Thessia _ , Liara had explained. _ It seems she settled down on Earth fairly well. _

Kaidan accepted the explanation with little question. He was incredibly curious as to how an archaeologist had the information for such political maneuvers but chose not to speak the thoughts aloud. It was easy when he felt Shepard’s eyes on him; he had the advantage that Sofia didn’t, where he could seemingly pierce the glass of the one-way mirror with just his eyes and find Kaidan.

It was unsettling, even suffocating, to stand still while the feeling bored into his back. He didn’t fidget while he talked shortly to Liara, Anderson, and Miranda. By all accounts, though, he did, considering Anderson was giving him an almost pitying look, Miranda was frowning, and Liara looked concerned for him. Which was strange, considering how they had just met, but it also made the guilt at his weakness more prominent in his chest.

Although, weakness wasn’t quite the right word. He certainly felt weak from the new lead in his case, one that led straight to the conclusion of betrayal. Betrayal from  _ Shepard _ , of all people. He hadn’t foreseen it, the way his heart would splinter in his chest, but then again that was what betrayal meant, didn’t it? Kaidan had been a little too reckless once more, overlooked the fine details, and again found himself in the wake of a fractured relationship wrapped in crime scene tape.

Unfortunately, taking a train to the west for hundreds of miles, this time, would leave him stranded in the ocean. Considering the current position he had been forced into, that was not a terrible situation.

Kaidan frowned to himself; he wouldn’t let himself think that way. Not now, when he had work to do and people counting on him to do it correctly, and not later when he was alone in a hotel room that had Shepard’s scent lingering on the bed sheets.

_ Stop thinking about him _ , Kaidan mentally told himself. It resembled more like an inner scolding, actually, but that was because he was still half suspended in a strange, disbelieving limbo, where the gravity of the situation pulled the other half of him down. One moment he could only feel the warmth of another body beside his, and the next felt like plunging into an ice bath of his own revelations.

He took a deep, shuddering breath to sedate himself. The eye of the hurricane had passed when Kaidan and Shepard left the hotel room that was cocooned in pink light. Now, Kaidan had to wade through the rest of the storm. Alone.

“Let’s get to work,” he murmured to himself.

He tried to ignore how the reflection of himself in the rearview mirror looked miserable.

* * *

“I had chicken nuggets for lunch,” Niri T’Kese announced.

Kaidan quickly realized that the seven-year-old asari was the dictionary definition of a chatterbox. She had slowly and articulately pronounced her full name and even part of her personal history when Saeses introduced her to Kaidan and all but demanded that he do the same. He didn’t have much experience with children, but he was prepared to talk to Niri, to ask her about Sofia with Saeses' permission.

This type of conversation wasn’t expected, and so Kaidan hadn’t prepared for it. He was hoping Saeses would say something, but she was looking out the car window with unfocused eyes. In the rearview mirror, Kaidan could see that Niri was watching him intently. Well, at least the kid liked him.

He wasn’t sure what type of answer would satisfy Niri, though. Did she want questions about her meal? Answers from Kaidan that agreed with chicken nuggets in general? He simply wasn’t sure, but he had to test the water.

“I haven’t had my lunch yet,” Kaidan replied. “Any suggestions?"

He wasn’t hungry; in fact, nausea made his stomach lurch with every crack in the pavement below the tires. It didn’t help that he had planned to be eating right now. Earlier that morning Shepard had mentioned grabbing some sandwiches while they were out.

Since they were supposed to be out and shopping at the factory outlets, searching for new furniture and supplies for the new  _ Normandy _ . Technically, the bill of sale for the building was not in their hands, but Shepard had the money from Kaidan’s efforts with the donation page and the evidence for Mr. Illusive’s criminal activities was all coming together to form an indestructible case for the court and whatever sharp-tongued lawyer Illusive could buy.

Now Shepard was in handcuffs, and Kaidan was cooperating with the efforts to build the incriminating case against him. Their relationship’s foundation was crumbling in front of them and their canceled lunch was the thing choking Kaidan up right now.

“- Only if you want though ‘cause Mama said that you shouldn’t make people do things ‘cause it could hurt them.” Niri was rambling in the backseat, her hands smoothing back the tufts of fur on her stuffed toy varren. Her eyes moved from watching the rolling scenery out the window to catching Kaidan’s gaze in the rearview mirror.

He hadn’t realized that he was lost in his thoughts. Perhaps he did have the excuse that his heart was aching in his chest, that the thought of Shepard caused the air to leave his lungs, how much his throat clenched as if wrapped in a fist of emotion.

“I’m sorry, Niri, I didn’t hear what you recommended.”

“Peanut butter and jelly,” Niri said patiently. Kaidan suddenly felt tense. So far, he had ignored the pain in his chest, because that was about Shepard and he needed to focus on Sofia and Saeses and Niri. This routine pickup couldn’t be about his failing relationship and the collapse of his life in Citadel.

“Officer?”

In front of him, the road momentarily blurred. He needed to breathe. He needed to get out of the enclosed car and stand in a more open space. He needed to  _ run _ .

Instead, he forced himself to swallow back the taste of tears. 

“Kaidan?” Saeses was talking to him, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. Niri was silent.

“Excuse me a moment,” Kaidan managed to say around the lump in his throat. She retracted her hand as he pulled over in an upcoming parking lot. He threw the gearshift into park and climbed out.

He forced himself to walk, not run, around the corner. He tried to breathe evenly, and his environment trickled into view as he blinked away his lingering unshed tears.

He recognized the charred back of the  _ Normandy  _ immediately.

He let out a choked laugh. Of course, he would find himself here in a fit of blind desperation. The cafe was part of his life in the Citadel from the very beginning. Apparently, the destruction of the building couldn’t even hinder him from ending up outside of its doors. The following controversy with its owner didn’t appear to matter either.

Kaidan cursed under his breath. Both the words and the rushed exhales were shaking. He was panicking, alone, behind the abandoned  _ Normandy _ .

He pressed his hands against his eyes and hung his head. He focused on his racing heartbeat. Fortunately, his attempts to avoid a heart attack and calm down had worked, and when he pulled his dampened hands from his face he caught sight of something that made his heart stutter in his chest.

Dark tire tracks scarred the pavement. They looked old, but they were still plainly distinguishable. Kaidan wracked his brain for every ounce of knowledge he had on tire tracks as he crept for a closer look.

When he was a rookie on the police force back in his hometown, there had been a spike in car theft and even several hit-and-runs. For a smaller town with a firm religious community that was rooted in  _ loving thy neighbor _ , it was a cause for concern. Kaidan’s mentor at the time and former partner before he left for the Citadel, Nihlus Kryik, took it upon himself to teach Kaidan about the various ways to read his surroundings. Specifically car tracks, since the types of tires commonly used by trucks and cars was often used in investigations to help find the perpetrator.

_ “You have to look at the tracks. Look at the design, the length, the width.” Nihlus said. Kaidan followed his gaze to the pavement, where a set of tire tracks discolored the street. It was recent enough that he could smell the lingering scent of burned rubber. “That’s called a visible print. I recognize the tires from another case, let’s head back.” _

Kaidan hadn’t forgotten the mini-lesson, and when he returned home to find Rahna already in bed, his dinner cold on the counter, he had researched further into the types of tires.

He didn’t recognize the type of tire from the tracks behind the  _ Normandy _ , but he wouldn’t be discouraged by it.

Instead, he wandered around. He studied the dumpster for a moment, unsure if it was a waste of time if the crime scene investigators already checked. Ultimately he shrugged and looked anyway, but he wasn't shocked to find anything that could be used as evidence. The investigation team and the trash collectors would have already cleared the area after all.

Not expecting much, Kaidan glanced in the small gap between the dumpster and the building. A torn strip of paper rested on the ground, half soaked in questionable garbage fluids, but Kaidan was too curious to worry about his hygiene. He peeled the thin paper from the ground and scanned it quickly.

There was a list of dairy products such as milk, coffee creamers, and whipped cream. He realized it was a receipt when he caught sight of the date, which was marked with an older date, but one Kaidan recognized immediately. The top of the receipt was missing and the rest of it was stained, but nonetheless it was enough.

Kaidan’s mind was racing. He had a receipt for the  _ Normandy _ . He had a delivery driver here on the day of the fire. With shaking fingers, Kaidan scrambled for his phone, dialing frantically. While it rang once, twice, Kaidan made sure to keep a tight grip on the evidence in his other hand. He wouldn’t let it slip away, no matter what.

“Delivery, there was a delivery truck at the time the  _ Normandy  _ was burned down,” Kaidan said instantly.

Anderson understood. “We’ll find out more. See me the moment you arrive at the station.”

Kaidan exhaled slowly, slipping his phone into his pocket after Anderson hung up. He had either a witness to a crime or the offender.

Kaidan had either just saved Shepard from conviction, or he might have well just locked the man in a cell himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update was a little early because something came up! I don't think anyone would mind, though. Especially since this probably won't ever happen again :')
> 
> Nothing much to say here! The update schedule is still in place (more than halfway done with the next chapter actually) and I think the requests are still going to be on unless something comes up. Although I need to mention that I will also accept playlist requests during that time too! Examples can be found at my 8tracks (ShelbyDraven). Most of it is indie and alternative music, though, so keep that in mind.
> 
> I didn't say this last time so I am disappointed in myself: THANK YOU SO SO MUCH. All of you. For the reads, kudos, and comments! They improve my life by so many degrees. <3
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, August 7th, 3:00 pm EST


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before the epilogue and the author is sad, but luckily Kaidan and Shepard aren't B)

Fortune must have been smiling upon Kaidan when Joker called.

Although, initially, he was inclined to assume the opposite. Calling a police station usually followed a somber and unfortunate event, and Kaidan had feared that another arson would have to be marked on the investigation’s records.  He even had a moment of unrestricted thought, where he worried about informing Shepard and the reaction that would follow.

Of course, he and Shepard weren’t on speaking terms. By now, it wasn’t even the option as to if Kaidan wanted to or not; Anderson made it clear that the both of them were too emotionally tied to Shepard to interrogate him. Kaidan figured it was similar to the whole ‘preventing the spouse from convicting the other’ ideal used in courts. Even though Kaidan and Shepard were most definitely not married.

Right now, it seemed that any chance of marriage had died the moment Sofia spoke Shepard’s name. 

It left Kaidan at a crossroads, of sorts. On one hand, he lived in a type of limbo where he still had the hope that this was an attempt to frame Shepard by Mr. Illusive to take the scrutiny off of himself, that Shepard couldn’t possibly find himself in the midst of slave trafficking on purpose.

On the other hand, he was hurt by the thought - and the nauseating  _ fact  _ \- of Shepard’s involvement. He had looked Shepard in the eyes and talked to him about the case. It must have been a joke to Shepard, if he truly knew everything already, watching Kaidan navigate through the unknown.

Then again, he  _ had  _ given Kaidan the lead to Mr. Illusive, which was the turning point in the case altogether…

It all made his temples throb with an oncoming migraine.

The case and Shepard’s sudden involvement arrived at the point where Anderson decided they couldn’t participate in the investigation anymore. He announced to the station that he was transferring the case to another district ‘ _ to protect unspecified subjects, as soon as the business week was through _ ’ via email.

That was Tuesday.

Now it was Thursday. Kaidan felt the sand pouring into the other half of the hourglass every second he was sitting at his desk and filing traffic reports. His back was turned to the interrogation room’s door. Despite the fact that it was empty, for once, he felt the itching urge to turn around and stride into the room. He wanted to throw the door open and find Shepard there so he could ask the questions burning in his mouth.

He wanted to think about Shepard without feeling the burn of tears behind his eyes. He couldn’t trust himself to have a thought, nevermind conversation about Shepard. To actually speak to him, and see every emotion that crossed his face, made Kaidan’s stomach flutter with queasiness.

He wondered what he would see if he could gather the courage to look. Sadness? Fear? He didn’t think Shepard to be capable of anger, but then again he didn’t seem to be a very good judge of character.

Kaidan had spent the past ten minutes staring at the blank boxes of a new report, but he didn’t realize it until a hand touched his shoulder.

Startled out of his thoughts, he dropped his pen, and the writing utensil promptly rolled off of his desk and onto the floor. For a brief moment, he stared down at it. The delay in his reaction worked against him; as he started to bend down to grab it, his visitor was faster.

He straightened in his chair, and Miranda handed him his pen with a thinly veiled look of amusement. When he reached out to take it, he realized that it was the same pen that Rahna had given him when she visited the  _ Normandy  _ with their divorce papers.

He was glad to take the pen from Miranda and drop it on his desk so he could focus on anything other than  _ that  _ trail of memories. Thinking about one ruined relationship was more than enough.

“Jeff Moreau called in with a tip,” Miranda said. She was giving him a look that told him she knew exactly why he was staring at paperwork instead of actually filling it out.

“Does Anderson want me to check it out?” Kaidan asked. Something akin to relief flooded his mind. He was excited to leave his desk and do something productive, especially if it was for the investigation. He couldn’t believe Anderson would allow him to work on the case, he would prove to the chief that he could handle it -

But Miranda shook her head. Kaidan knew his disappointment flooded his face yet he couldn’t gather the strength to close off his expressions.

“Anderson wanted me to go to Moreau’s. Alone. I think it’ll go much faster if you came with me. You’re familiar with Jeff Moreau, yes?”

Kaidan debated lying for half a second, then decided that lying and possibly antagonizing someone like Miranda Lawson would be the gravest, and last, mistake he could ever make. Right now, he needed allies.

“I’m not familiar with the name,” he admitted. “Is this Jeff Moreau friends with…?”

The name got caught in his throat. Miranda was gracious enough to ignore the sudden drop in Kaidan’s sentence. He focused on clearing away the dryness his mouth, praying that Miranda didn’t hear the harsh swallow in his throat.

She had a knowing look in her eyes when she spoke. “Shepard? Yes, they’ve been friends for years.” She seemed to think for a moment. “You might know him as Joker, though, if Shepard ever spoke about him.”

Well, it was hard to forget about Joker. He had a certain type of camaraderie with Shepard, at least, but the pair of robots following him around and his fondness for hot chocolate made his own presence harder to ignore.

Miranda apparently identified the look of recognition on Kaidan’s face, because she went on to tell him to meet her by her desk as soon as he was finished filing his reports.

Kaidan never wrote so fast before in his life; he greeted her at her desk less than fifteen minutes after she had left.

The way Miranda turned her face down to hide a smile told him that she had expected nothing less.

* * *

Joker’s auto body shop looked exactly like Kaidan expected it to.

Well, if he was being honest, he wasn’t thinking about how cluttered yet meticulously organized the double garage would feel on the drive over. Miranda wasn’t much of a conversationalist as she was focused on driving, which left Kaidan to stare out the window and think.

Thinking was quickly becoming a dangerously emotional affair. He felt drained when he finally climbed out of the police cruiser.

The words  _ Moreau’s Auto Body _ were illuminated on their sign with over a dozen small round light bulbs. Kaidan marveled at the fact that, somehow, fresh oil was smeared across the middle of the sign. It was still dripping, despite the fact that Kaidan could not see a ladder, or even a person, in sight to perform such an act.

He considered mentioning it to Miranda, but when he looked away from the sign he found that she had disappeared into the auto body’s front office.

In her place stood the robot that Kaidan had met before. It hadn’t been long, definitely not the feeling of lifetimes ago that Kaidan experienced whenever he remembered the  _ Normandy _ , and if he had the emotional strength he would have smiled in greeting.

Instead, he gave a short wave. Legion seemed to perk up at the gesture. He - or rather ‘they’ - stepped closer to Kaidan. Their head tilted slightly in an inquisitive gesture, and Kaidan thought he recognized the texture of chocolate frosting on the edge of their head light.

“Shepard-Commander!” Legion greeted. Kaidan froze and felt his tongue tie itself into knots. Shepard couldn’t be here since he was under surveillance, which meant that Legion automatically connected Kaidan to Shepard.

Of course, Legion was also a robot. Robots were programmed. Since Joker was their creator, apparently, that meant that Joker taught them to say such things.

Then again maybe Kaidan was reading too much into the situation. Perhaps he needed to take some time off. Or retire. At the rate his life was going downhill the latter seemed more likely. Working as a grocery store clerk would probably be safer, both physically and emotionally, than his 

Then again, customers could be the  _ worst… _

“Moreau-Driver is expecting you,” Legion announced. Kaidan followed after the robot as they lead him towards the small office. He was embarrassed to be caught in his strange web of thoughts, even if Legion was a robot that seemed more concerned with boarding up windows than whether or not Kaidan was daydreaming.

As Kaidan expected, Miranda was talking with Joker in the office. Well, a more accurate description would have been intimidating Joker by leaning over him while he sat at the desk meant for a receptionist, but still.

“I bruise easily,” Joker warned Miranda. His legs were propped up on the desk surface, and he alternated between shooting pointed looks at a clearly unamused Miranda and a chocolate cupcake in his hands. Kaidan noted that there was a suspicious robot head light sized dent in the carefully piped frosting. Legion seemed unable to raised his gaze from the floor as well.

At least that was one case closed.

“Moreau-Driver.” Legion broadcasted their arrival as they seemed accustomed to doing, but Kaidan knew well enough now that if robots could be sheepish, Legion would be an entire flock.

Joker turned to look, but Miranda kept her disapproving look firmly on Joker.

“Oh, I’m sorry, no traitors allowed at this fine establishment! Show him out, Legion,” Joker turned back to his staring contest with Miranda. Kaidan swallowed back the scorching anger in his mouth when Miranda gave a short nod of consent.

Legion floundered.

“Shepard-Commander!” They insisted.

Joker groaned. “Kaidan locked Shepard up!” He leveled a glare at Miranda. “So did Lawson, technically, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

“Moreau-Driver, this consensus finds fault in your reasoning,” Legion declared. Joker let his head fall so it hit the back of his swivel chair.

“Jeff, they’re trying to help. By all accounts, Kaidan would find encouragement to seek any lead to help Shepard based on their intimate relationship.” EDI appeared in the doorway to the garage, her arms covered in oil up to her elbows. She seemed to consider something for a moment, then added, “So get your head out of your ass and help.”

Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek to smother his smile.

“That’s that  _ last  _ time I’m allowing Jack to work on her motorcycle here,” Joker sighed. He dropped his feet from the desk and turned to face both Miranda and Kaidan.

EDI and Legion shared a look and left. Again, Kaidan had a feeling that they were displaying an emotion he knew all too well from a certain tattooed biotic barista: smug victory.

“Here’s what I know,” Joker began. “I found out that one of my customers needed a new truck bed for his semi since his was stolen. I know a few guys, so I said sure.” He paused to give Miranda a smug smile.

“Well, I looked into it, of course, because it was around the time the  _ Normandy  _ was torched and I was suspicious,” Joker continued. “I found that it lead to another guy that was a friend of a friend, and that guy told me that one of his new employees ditched without a word. He was worried because the guy was one of those weird quiet types. He talked a lot about doing work for his father, but the father didn’t work for the company so my friend’s friend didn’t have a clue about any of it.”

“Don’t hold out on us, Moreau. Names? More reliable sources than a friend’s friend? Information on the truck?”

“The truck?” Joker smiled. “Hell yeah, I have it in my garage. I wanted you to come since you have the bones to arrest our guy. He’s coming by in an hour to pick up ‘his’ truck.”

Before Miranda could interrupt him, Joker added, “And you’ll have reasonable cause to arrest him since his glove box is filled with receipts from the  _ Normandy _ .  _ Only  _ the  _ Normandy _ . I swear, the dictionary probably had a picture of this guy next to the word ‘creepy’.”

“Anything more probable than that?” Miranda asked.

Joker shrugged. His mouth twitched in his attempt to hide his smile. “I guess the empty gasoline cans stashed under the truck bed might be something. Usually, a semi that size doesn’t need six canisters, but I mean I’m just a mechanic...”

“Alenko, go find a spot to hide the car. We don’t want our suspect to run.” Miranda interjected. “I’ll call Anderson and fill him in.”

Kaidan couldn’t contain his answering grin. “Yes, ma’am.”

* * *

Miranda ended up not only giving Anderson the latest news, but she also requested backup.

That was what Garrus told him, at least, when both him and Ashley greeted him in the auto body parking lot. Kaidan initially thought that there was some excess in the amount of officers sent to apprehend one man, but he did feel substantially better when he saw that Grunt was also there, waiting for the signal in the small office.

While Kaidan was hiding their squad car in a nondescript alleyway just a block from  _ Moreau’s Auto Body _ , Joker had told Miranda that the suspect was a very aggressive, very tall turian by the name of Saren Arterius.

Considering both the track record of injuries by aggressive turian offenders and Kaidan’s personal experience with them, he was much more accepting of the extra help. With only twenty minutes before Saren’s scheduled arrival, they formed a plan.

It was supposed to go like this: Ashley and Miranda would pose as customers waiting for their ride home in the office. Garrus and Kaidan were both positioned in the side doors to the garage, where they would wait for Joker’s signal to burst in and apprehend their suspect. Grunt would wait outside, ready to provide assistance if needed, but Joker had made it clear that he had to be outside to ‘minimize the damage as much as possible’.

However, it ended up coming out like this: Saren took one look at the pair of women in the waiting room and fled. Joker climbed under his desk, yelling for Kaidan and Garrus while cursing. All four of the police officers burst from the office to give chase just in time to see Grunt charge and tackle the turian.

Garrus read Saren his rights while he handcuffed him, while Grunt slowly rose off of the offender’s back. The entire time Ashley was trying, and failing, to muffle her laughter, while Kaidan rubbed his temples to fend off an oncoming migraine.

Miranda seemed to shrug off the change of plans, but Kaidan was sure that he saw the hint of a smile on her face.

By far, Joker was the most grumpy at the way things turned out. It definitely was related to the fact that when Saren suddenly fled, he had shoved the glass office door so hard that the bottom cracked. The glass took a spiderweb-like quality as the cracks extended upwards. Kaidan offered to help with repairs, but Joker waved the offer away.

“Tell Shepard he owes me a drink,” Joker told Kaidan.

“I will,” Kaidan said.

For once, he thought about Shepard and felt hope.

* * *

Life had moved quickly after that.

Kaidan found himself able to grab lungfuls of air only a handful of times throughout the following three months. Every single one was thanks to Shepard, who was deemed merely a victim rather than an accomplice after Saren Arterius admitted his motivation for burning down the  _ Normandy  _ and assaulting Shepard.

According to Saren, who proved to be a stubborn and a belligerent subject, he was searching for one Commander Shepard, which was the catalyst for his dishonorable discharge from the military. He seemed somewhat pleased that he found the  _ Normandy  _ and managed to not only destroy it but to also harm and frame its owner.

“You’re looking for a CDR Theron Shepard, then?” Anderson had asked during the interrogation. At Saren’s silent affirmative, he had continued, “Well, you ended up assaulting Praxis Shepard and burning down his business. Since Praxis Shepard is still walking around and he recently reclaimed his old property, I’m pleased to say that you have only been a minor inconvenience, Mr. Arterius.”

He wasn’t so smug for the rest of his questioning.

Kaidan had told Shepard as much when they met for dinner. Shepard had chosen to buy pineapple pizza and eat it in the newly restored Normandy. Kaidan thought it was fitting, eve if the pizza was overcooked and they both had to admit a sad defeat and order Italian food from the restaurant across the plaza.

The greatest victory of the night, however, was when Kaidan said Shepard’s first name and got to see him flush.

“It’s a Greek name,” Shepard had shrugged. He bit into a slice of pizza to avoid Kaidan’s eyes. “My mom is a naming nerd. It means ‘practical’, apparently.”

“It’s not a bad name, Shepard,” Kaidan had reassured him. Unfortunately, Shepard was in the middle of a nervous ramble.

“It was another name for Aphrodite, but I guess it really sounds more boyish than girlish. It’s just ironic since my sister - she’s my twin too - is Amorie which actually has German origins, but it means ‘love’ and ‘diligence’-”

“Shepard,” Kaidan had interrupted. When Shepard trailed off, giving Kaidan a startled look, Kaidan leaned forward to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“It’s not a bad name,” he repeated. 

Shepard had been inclined to agree with him on that point.

They had been slowly piecing their relationship together again, but lately, Shepard had been wrapped up in repairing, repainting, and redecorating the Normandy. Kaidan wasn’t going to stand in the way of Shepard’s beloved business; it was a relief to learn that shortly after Saren’s arrest, Mr. Illusive fled the Citadel after forfeiting all his businesses and their properties.

They found two dozen young women in all six Mr. Illusive’s buildings, sent the majority home by the end of the month, and Shepard bought the deed to the ruined  _ Normandy  _ as soon as they learned that the building was unclaimed.

The  _ Normandy  _ celebrated its grand opening last weekend, and although Kaidan was there every morning since for his usual iced coffee, he was making a midday coffee run with a very specific intent to tell Shepard some very important news.

Naturally, it was almost impossible to actually find the man. The  _ Normandy  _ was packed, which was an unusual occurrence for late noon for every establishment except for the cafe and its latest fame.

Jack was at the counter, making drinks like clockwork. She actually looked focused on her work, and Kaidan decided it was best to let her be. He scanned the crowded seats and also decided that there was no way to find Shepard unless he picked a place to look and actually went there.

Considering Shepard’s tendency to wear most of the coffee he made, Kaidan chose to check the employee back room.

Which was how he found himself in the sought out man’s presence. A man who just happened to be shirtless.

“Oh,” Kaidan said eloquently.

“Ah,” Shepard replied after a long silence. Then, suddenly remembering himself, he scrambled to put on the unstained shirt in his hands. Kaidan shut his eyes despite the fact that the moment for that was too far gone to be salvageable. After a moment of shuffling, Shepard made a sound of acknowledgment, and Kaidan opened his eyes to see that Shepard had put his shirt on.

It was on backward, but Kaidan chose not to mention it.

“What brings you to this fine establishment?” Shepard asked cheerfully.

“You,” Kaidan began, then paused when his wording sunk in.

Shepard stared at him.

“I wanted to tell you that the trial came up with a verdict. Arterius was guilty.” Kaidan wanted to be more specific, and tell Shepard all the technicalities the court had ruled, but Shepard smiled and all words fled Kaidan’s mind.

It was perfect timing that his phone chirped with a reminder that his break was over in twenty minutes, fifteen of which were going to be spent driving to the police station in the traffic.

“I should go, my break’s almost over,” Kaidan apologized. “I’ll see you at dinner?”

Shepard nodded, but when Kaidan’s hand wrapped around the doorknob Shepard said, “Wait, K.”

Kaidan turned, giving Shepard his attention, and the uncertainty clouding his expression encouraged Kaidan to close the distance between them.

“What’s wrong?” Kaidan prompted. Shepard frowned.

“Do you remember at the hospital, when I was having testing done?”

“It’s hard to forget,” Kaidan replied slowly. Suddenly he was very, very afraid.

“Well… the testing was for this genetic thing. My mom’s side of the family has had this disease for generations.” Shepard fiddled with his hands and Kaidan took the pause as an opportunity to take a breath.

“It’s a chronic illness. Parkinson’s. There’s no cure, only treatments. It starts with a tremor in one hand.” Shepard was staring at the floor, his hands carefully tucked behind his back and out of sight.

Kaidan was reminded of when Shepard dropped the spoon, way back when Rahna arrived at the  _ Normandy  _ with the envelope for their divorce papers. Mordin had mentioned that Shepard never saw a doctor, and Shepard had waved away the concern and Kaidan had allowed it because the front door opened and then he forgot about all of it.

He had never  _ asked  _ -

“Do you… have it?” Kaidan asked. His voice trembled in the middle, but Shepard didn’t seem to notice.

“No,” Shepard said, and Kaidan breathed. “I don’t, but I could. You needed to know if we… we were going to be serious again.”

“We will,” Kaidan said immediately. Then, a little embarrassed, he added, “If you want to.”

Shepard smiled like he spoke the most crucial secret the world had ever seen.

“We will,” Shepard grinned.

“We will,” Kaidan repeated.

It probably would have continued, if the employee door had not blasted open. Jack appeared, her shirt drenched. It was also halfway over her head, and Kaidan was both amazed and alarmed to see that her whole body was covered in tattoos.

She jabbed a finger at Shepard, her shirt fully off by that point. “ _ Fuck soy milk _ !”

“Soy milk,” Shepard agreed.

Jack stormed to the set of lockers designated for the employees and violently yanked one open. She pulled a shirt out of the top shelf and pulled it on with lightning speed.

She was out the door again in less than a second, but it was just enough time for Kaidan to realize something.

“She took one of your shirts?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah,” Shepard said. It was the resignation of a man that had lost many shirts to a very angry biotic named Jack.

Ultimately, Kaidan decided that it was a set of stories meant for a different time. Preferably that night at dinner, since those were stories he  _ really  _ wanted to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mess Is Mine is almost at its end and I'm honestly very relieved and very sad. Relieved because this fic was draining at times, even if I got into a certain rhythm. Sad because this was my first multi-chapter fic that I actually finished (almost anyway) and it's been a very emotional and rewarding ride.
> 
> Again, nothing much has changed. The next update will be the last though! Make sure to check my Tumblr after the update if you want to request a writing prompt or a playlist for a character or ship. Since you've gotten this far, you can also enter a mini-giveaway for the chance to earn a deleted scene from the story (since it's literally fluff that I couldn't squeeze in on time), an aesthetic for a character or ship of your choice, a writing request, and a playlist request! A lot of cool stuff basically.
> 
> Of course, THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. EVERYONE READING THIS. EVERYONE THAT COMMENTED OR LEFT A KUDOS. You all made MiM into the trainwreck it is today and I love you all for it. <33
> 
> Next scheduled update: Sunday, August 14th, 3:00 pm EST


	18. Epilogue

Kaidan Alenko liked airplanes.

There was something calming about the idea of cruising above the clouds, watching the earth past slowly even though an airplane moved hundreds of miles per hour. He had checked the weather that morning when he was gradually getting dressed (it was always a prolonged process with Shepard around), and the clear skies promised an uneventful flight.

That had calmed Shepard’s nerves down somewhat. He still fidgeted with the watch secured on his wrist during the drive to the airport, however. Even with Kaidan holding his hand and occasionally giving a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s my sister,” Shepard had explained, and Kaidan had understood. If the past months had taught him anything about the sister Kaidan had never met, it was that Shepard loved her resolutely. From the stories Shepard had told him, it was clear that Romy cared for her brother just as fiercely. If the stories weren’t enough, or the warmth in Shepard’s voice whenever he spoke of her, then Garrus’s less-than-joking “ _ Romy loves her brother more than she could ever love me _ ” would suffice just as well.

Kaidan was excited to finally meet Shepard’s sister, in all honesty. He was slightly hesitant, though, and it had taken some deliberation on his part to realize why: meeting Romy Shepard was much more terrifying than meeting Shepard’s mom would be. Then again, he hadn’t met Hannah Shepard either…

Although, his nerves were nothing compared to Shepard's. Kaidan had to drive them to the airport since they both agreed Shepard might break speed limits  – or the speed of light, Garrus had joked  – on the way there.

Unfortunately, that left Shepard bored; he drummed his fingers on the dashboard, sang (off tune) along with the radio, and insisted that Kaidan play every single driving game he could think of. It was driving Kaidan crazy within the first twenty minutes of their forty-five-minute drive. He had figured that once they were at the airport Shepard might settle down a little.

He was wrong. In fact, Shepard had gotten much worse. Kaidan and Garrus watched him fidget and pace across part of the airport terminal’s floor for the half hour they waited. It was sort of mesmerizing to watch the careful path Shepard made, never leaving the mentally set path unless he politely stepped aside for someone to pass.

He didn’t pause until his phone chirped with a notification. He fumbled to rip the device from his pocket and nearly dropped it in the process. Kaidan couldn’t stifle a soft laugh, and even Garrus’s sub vocals hummed with amusement.

“Her plane landed,” Shepard told them. He was giddy with the news, and his impatient fidgeting only grew a hundred times worse. He scanned the crowds endlessly. Every second that went by only made Shepard more restless, and Kaidan more exhausted watching him constantly move.

“Shepard,” Kaidan began. His voice was ignored by Shepard in favor of another one cutting through the crowd.

“Praxis!” A short figure slipped through the hordes of distracted passengers. For a moment Kaidan was sure that she couldn’t be the owner of such a loud voice, even if there was a rare few, if any, who shared Shepard’s first name.

Then Shepard saw her and whooped in joy, racing to meet her and pull her into a tight hug. Garrus stood and went to go join them in the excited greeting and chatter, but Kaidan hung back a few steps to observe.

Romy Shepard was shorter than he expected. He wasn’t sure why he expected her to be around the same height as Shepard, but it was obvious that he assumed as much from the surprise he felt.

Then again, most of the surprise was also based on how very much alike the siblings were. Both in terms of physical appearance and behavior-wise; from the red hair to the loud, energetic aura they carried, they mirrored one another.

Garrus seemed to see Kaidan’s surprise and flickered a mandible in what Kaidan assumed to be sympathy. Shepard was talking with Romy, although a more proper term would have been ranting considering how Shepard didn’t pause beside taking a shallow breath to continue. Romy drank in the attention steadily.

When Kaidan stepped closer and fully listened, he realized what Shepard was speaking about with such dedication, and what Romy was intently listening to: it was the full recount of the past few months.

Not quite, though, because Shepard seemed entirely devoted to sharing every detail about Kaidan rather than the investigation that lead to  _ Shepard being arrested _ and the  _ Normandy  _ being destroyed.

Kaidan flushed. No wonder Garrus was staring at him; he was warning him that Shepard was completely gushing in the middle of the airport terminal.

When Shepard paused for a breath, Kaidan took his chance to interrupt the embarrassing scene. Even though he was the only one being embarrassed, because Garrus and Romy both seemed to have a smirk on their face while Shepard looked elated in the heat of the moment.

“Shepard,” Kaidan started.

Once again he was interrupted by Romy. She spun around so fast it made Kaidan’s head spin, and she gave Kaidan a thorough once over. She seemed to share Shepard’s piercing glare, too, because by the time she was finished with her inspection Kaidan felt like she had torn him apart to lay every piece out for meticulous examination.

He had only a second to worry if she was disgusted with him before her face split into a wide grin. He blinked in surprise as she went over and hopped up to wrap an arm around her brother’s neck to pull him down to her level playfully.

“He’s cute,” she stage-whispered to him. Shepard’s face colored considerably, and Kaidan felt his own grow warmer at the blatant declaration.

Romy and Garrus only laughed in response.

Flustered, Shepard cleared his throat loudly, giving Romy a pointed look.

“How about coffee?” He suggested.

Kaidan was going to object to the caffeine since Shepard was still energized like he was five years old and ate a cup of sugar, but Garrus was giving him a look.

“Sure,” Kaidan agreed immediately. Which didn’t help, because Garrus shared another look with Romy and they chuckled in their teasing manner, one that Kaidan quickly assumed was their usual way of communicating. Especially towards situations involving him and Shepard.

Garrus reached out and tugged Shepard towards the nearest Starbucks, which prompted Shepard to launch into a rant against the coffee chain that Kaidan heard through the buzz of conversations around him.

Although it was hard to decipher the exact expression on Garrus’s face, Kaidan thought recognized the turian’s walk as a defeated one. Or at least one resigned to a very foreseeable fate.

Romy’s snort caught his attention, but when he looked at her she was looking at Garrus and Shepard while they were walking away with a fierce fondness in her expression.

“So,” Romy finally said. Garrus and Shepard were out of earshot, and Kaidan felt his stomach twist anxiously. “When’s the wedding?”

Kaidan blinked at her. “I – Wedd – What?”

“Duh. The wedding. My brother adores you, and I’ve seen you staring.” Romy grinned. Kaidan took a moment to release a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. At least he knew where Garrus had gotten his annoying human mannerisms.

“I wasn’t …  Did he … ” Kaidan found himself trailing off and scrambling to salvage the conversation. He wasn’t very successful, and it was a blessing when Shepard shouted across the terminal to ask if Kaidan wanted iced coffee or ‘ _ dish water with coffee grinds in it _ ’.

Their conversation dropped off to Kaidan’s relief.

It was automatic, the way Kaidan and Romy shared an exasperated look on Shepard’s behalf. He had the feeling that they would share many more reactions, and something warm blossomed in his chest.

“We better go tell him that I actually  _ like  _ Starbucks before he has a stroke,” Romy sighed. Kaidan voiced his affirmation and followed her lead. When they reached the line, he noticed the extent of how distressed Shepard actually was.

Garrus, on the other hand, was thoroughly amused.

“Hey!” Shepard visibly brightened when he noticed Kaidan had joined them. He glanced to make sure that Romy was focused on touching foreheads with Garrus before leaning in and whispering. “What did she say? How bad was it?”

Kaidan smiled.

“She had a good suggestion,” Kaidan reassured him.

Shepard smiled back. Then, almost immediately, he frowned.

“Do we really have to spend our money on  _ Starbucks _ ?” Shepard asked.

Kaidan laughed.

“We can get whatever you want, Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! We've reached the end! I'm getting a little emotional. Months of work and I've finally finished this fic. I might go back and do some editing, add more stuff that I just didn't have the time to fit, but for now, it's done!
> 
> In celebration, as I mentioned, I am holding a little 'giveaway' which is basically me accepting requests for writing and playlists. You can find it on my Tumblr [here](http://shackledbiotic.tumblr.com/post/148943089251/mim-celebration).
> 
> Other than that, thank you all so much! I love all of you, everyone who commented and left kudos and helped me write even when it was hard. Special thanks to Zach (svrgebinder.tumblr.com) for reading this fic and becoming my friend. I hope this doesn't disappoint you. (Also a big thank you to Lili for her lovely comments!)
> 
> Have a wonderful day or night, and go create something you love! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on Tumblr at shackledbiotic.tumblr.com
> 
> Remember that thing about kudos and comments!


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